Rebuilding Life: Overcoming Alcohol Addiction and Emotional Wounds

Can one truly heal from alcohol addiction and trauma after many years of struggle? This question lingered in Jenny’s mind for a long time as she fought against her alcohol dependency that began in her early teens. Growing up in a strict Catholic family in 1963, Jenny was the fourth of five siblings in a constantly moving household due to her father’s role as a U.S. Forester. Her story, which spans from childhood trauma to alcohol addiction and ultimately recovery, showcases that comprehensive healing involves recognizing past pain and discovering new paths forward. Jenny’s experience highlights that transformation is achievable, even after enduring the darkest times.

Trigger Warning: This post includes references to sexual abuse, suicide, and trauma.

Early Trauma and the Start of Dependency

I was born in 1963 into a strict Catholic household as the fourth of five children. Sweet and innocent as a young child (as we all are!), I was also very sensitive. With my father as a U.S. Forester, our family moved every 1-2 years, making me the new kid in school repeatedly, which often led to bullying that left me scared and traumatized.

We remained in the same city from 8th grade through high school. During my 8th grade year, I was sexually molested by two boys and assaulted by a stranger who broke into our home. This was when I discovered alcohol, which became my solace. It eased my feelings of isolation and shame.

My parents were emotionally distant, and my siblings were each dealing with their own issues, making me feel profoundly lonely. I felt ashamed about the assaults and believed I couldn’t tell anyone, keeping those secrets for a long time. Alcohol turned into my closest companion. On weekends, I drank with friends, managing to procure beer or wine easily. At the age of 15, I often looked older than I was, sometimes even buying alcohol myself.

Recognizing a Problem

I had an inkling from a young age that alcohol was becoming a problem for me. I frequently vomited from drinking too much during my teenage years while my friends rarely drank as heavily, meaning I was often the only one feeling unwell. I left for college at just 17, quickly becoming a daily drinker!

Living with my parents had restricted my drinking habits, but in college, I seized the freedom to indulge. I even started journaling about my concerns, suspecting I might be an alcoholic since my friends would want to call it a night, while I always craved more.

The Deepening Spiral of Dependency

Alcohol quickly became problematic for me. In high school, I faced trouble for drinking and frequently found myself grounded. I dropped out of college in my second year, leading to a decade filled with parties. By 28, I was married, and we became drinking partners for the next 7 years until our divorce.

I was aware my drinking was an issue, with both my doctor and therapist suggesting that a 12-step program was my only hope for sobriety. My first A.A. meeting was in 2000, but my experience was marred by instances of sexual abuse and feelings of shame; I simply couldn’t quit drinking. I felt like a failure.

In 2002, I checked into my first 30-day treatment program, managing to stay sober for a while. I met my second husband, and we enjoyed a decade of beautiful, alcohol-free life together—until tragedy struck when he took his life in 2014, falling victim to the opioid crisis. But that’s another story.

Experiencing Trauma

His death profoundly traumatized me. Discovering the love of my life hanging in our garage plunged me into an indescribable darkness. The subsequent years were the hardest I’d ever faced. I lost everything: I filed for bankruptcy, faced foreclosure on my home, and had to close my beloved painting studio. I engaged in reckless behavior, frequently sleeping with strangers, shutting down my emotional pain with constant drinking.

During this period, I sought numerous treatments, both inpatient and outpatient. After being committed by the county, I underwent four months of inpatient therapy and was then sent to a halfway house. Yet, upon release, I returned to drinking. I bounced in and out of A.A., was arrested for disorderly conduct while intoxicated, and spent 24 hours in jail. On top of that, I lost my sister to cancer at 57 and my father to Covid three years later. I was hospitalized twice in a psychiatric unit. My life had spiraled into chaos.

Unsuccessful Attempts at Control

I tried to manage my alcohol intake like many others do! I set rules such as no drinking before a certain time, which kept getting earlier. I would limit the amount I bought, convincing myself that when it was gone, I would stop. I made numerous trips back to liquor stores and broke every rule I had set for myself!

Discovering a New Route to Recovery

A couple of years ago, I began attending weekly counseling sessions. I connected deeply with my therapist, who understood both me and my family well. Last November, he recommended a book by Annie Grace titled This Naked Mind, jotting it down on a sticky note that I stuck on my fridge to ponder for months.

Eventually, I ordered the book and was blown away by how closely it resonated with me! Shortly after, I noticed a 5-day virtual event by Annie on my Facebook feed, which I attended. I also signed up for the PATH program. It felt like I had found my tribe—people who spoke my language! I finally felt I belonged.

This program taught me that healing from alcohol abuse and trauma must happen simultaneously. For the first time, I discovered an approach that addressed my past wounds alongside my present struggles with alcohol.

The Start of Genuine Healing

I joined the Path in March 2024. On May 1st, 2024, I made the pivotal decision to start my new alcohol-free chapter. I have managed to mend relationships with my sister and mother, and my health has improved.