Confronting the Shadows of Alcohol: Shannon’s Journey

Have you ever thought about what it takes to escape from years of alcohol dependence and change your life drastically? Shannon’s journey shows the unseen challenges many encounter with alcohol and the remarkable route to true freedom. From her teenage years through motherhood, until she stopped drinking at age 41, Shannon realized that the darker aspects of alcohol were not limited to hangovers—it encompassed feelings of shame, unfulfilled promises to herself, and generational cycles she was eager to change. Her progress from a frightened child observing drunken adults to becoming a certified This Naked Mind coach serves as proof that transformation is achievable, regardless of how long alcohol has been a part of your life.

Growing Up in the Shadow of Alcohol

From an early age, alcohol was always around me. Almost everyone in my family, including extended relatives, drank, and some did so excessively. I lost family members to alcohol-related issues. It was present during every significant event—baptisms, funerals, birthdays, and holidays. Drinking was normalized and even celebrated, but the troubling aspects of alcohol misuse remained concealed, a collective secret we all harbored.

As a young girl, I observed how adults changed when they drank. What started as laughter often turned into something darker and erratic. They became childlike, and we kids suddenly felt the weight of responsibility for them. Arguments would erupt, they would act strangely, stop making sense, or simply lose consciousness. The fear I experienced when the adults in charge were intoxicated lingered for years.

As a preteen, I promised myself: I would never end up like that. I would never lose control like they did. Yet, keeping those promises proved to be exceptionally difficult.

The Magnetic Pull of That First Buzz

Being a teenager in my small town meant few entertainment options, and drinking at parties soon became the norm. At my first party, feeling that initial buzz made my shyness evaporate; I finally found a remedy for my insecurities. Surrounded by older boys, I felt confident and grown-up, daring and free.

It didn’t take long for me to become precisely what I had vowed I’d never be—not only a drinker but also a smoker, all by the age of fifteen. I recognized the irony, yet I was hooked.

The Spiral of Shame and Self-Blame

My thoughts about alcohol constantly revolved around self-criticism. I did many foolish things while drinking, yet I continually returned for more. In high school, it didn’t seem to matter because everyone was engaging in the same reckless behavior. However, by my twenties, the shame settled in like a heavy fog.

I never blamed the alcohol itself; rather, I believed I was to blame for my lack of self-control. I thought of myself as a lightweight who couldn’t handle liquor, perhaps even an alcoholic. I felt fated to repeat the experiences of relatives who also struggled. Sometimes, I almost accepted this identity to evade the internal conflict that had been building for years.

The struggle within my mind was agonizing. I never wanted to be an uncontrolled drinker, yet my actions told a different story. The hardest part? I felt utterly alone in dealing with it, as everyone around me seemed perfectly fine with excessive drinking.

When Motherhood Changed Everything

After becoming a mother, the burden of shame and guilt intensified, leading to severe anxiety and depression. I realized, with horror, that I was morphing into one of the annoying, drunken adults I had feared as a child. The quiet voice urging me to stop drinking in my twenties had swelled into a deafening shout in my thirties.

The moment that broke me was when my daughter, nearly two years old, approached the counter where my wine box was, lifted her sippy cup to the spout, and asked for some of “mommy’s juice.” I laughed outside, but inside, I was heartbroken. I didn’t want this cycle to continue in my family. Yet, it still took me a decade to fully part ways with alcohol.

The Failed Attempts at Control

The major problem was that I lacked an “off” switch for alcohol. If I drank, I drank excessively. I experienced blackouts, lost consciousness, and had gaps in my memory throughout my teenage years and early twenties. Since my friends shared similar experiences, it felt normal, even though it was frightening and disturbing.

In my late twenties, reality hit me hard during a mandatory Drug and Alcohol Free Workplace training. As they outlined the signs of alcoholism, my heart sank. I felt like the only person in that room of sixty people who fit the description perfectly.

Over the following decade, I attempted numerous ways to manage my drinking. I tried shaming and blaming myself, berating myself after binges. I enrolled in detox and cleansing programs as a strategy to provide a reason not to drink,
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only to “retox” within a few weeks. I set countless rules: no drinking during the week, only on weekends, choosing my least favorite drink, nothing before five pm, and never drinking alone. I broke every single rule time and again.

I steered clear of social gatherings where alcohol was involved, leading to feelings of deprivation and isolation. I even considered using weed, thinking that if I were high, my desire for alcohol would decrease. Nothing worked consistently or for long. I frequently found myself drinking on days I had vowed not to and consuming far more than I intended.

Find Your Path to Freedom with The Alcohol Experiment

If Shannon’s experience resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many individuals have changed their relationship with alcohol through The Alcohol Experiment, a complimentary 30-day program that allows you to examine your drinking patterns without judgment or pressure. With daily videos, a supportive community, and research-based insights, you’ll acquire the tools and knowledge needed to make educated choices regarding alcohol in your life. Whether you’re considering a break or looking for long-term freedom, The Alcohol Experiment offers a non-judgmental environment to explore what could be. Join us to find out what life can be like without alcohol.

Finding Hope in Challenging Times

At thirty-six, I achieved my first significant break from alcohol—seven weeks of sobriety. I kept it to myself, only confiding in my husband, too apprehensive to engage with the small online sober community I discovered. Even though I felt alone, those seven weeks were the highlight of my thirties. I felt strong, dependable, healthy, and present with my children.

Yet, I wasn’t entirely ready. A vacation with drinking friends threw me off, and within weeks, I returned to old habits. I lacked a solid foundation for a sober lifestyle.

By thirty-eight, I hit what I can only refer to as my rock bottom year. A shocking family secret emerged, causing chaos within my extended family. I turned to alcohol for comfort, failing to see the irony in self-medicating with the very substance that had caused much of my pain.

During this period, the culture of “mommy wine” was thriving in my neighborhood. What began as occasional weekend get-togethers evolved into daily wine gatherings on someone’s patio. The partying escalated over the years, resulting in ruined friendships, broken marriages, and violated boundaries. While my family wasn’t at the center of the chaos, everyone felt its effects. I reached my breaking point. I wanted to escape.

My drinking had escalated beyond social drinking—I was using it as a crutch for emotional pain. At the end of that turbulent year, I discovered Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind. For the first time, I felt a glimmer of hope for my future.

Transformation Through This Naked Mind

We listed our home for sale and relocated to a new neighborhood on New Year’s Day—a new beginning in more ways than one. I immersed myself in literature and podcasts about quitting drinking, revisiting This Naked Mind whenever I sensed I was slipping back.

In November 2019, I participated in my first Live Alcohol Experiment, which proved to be eye-opening. The coaches understood my struggles. The other participants were experiencing similar challenges. I no longer felt isolated. For the first time, I could discuss my journey with those who truly got it.

The This Naked Mind podcast inspired, supported, and empowered me with each episode. I connected immediately with Annie, Scott, and the coaches. The book introduced me to research on alcohol I had never encountered before, highlighting alternatives to meetings or rehab.

I began to question my beliefs about alcohol, both as a substance and as a part of society. I learned how alcohol functions in the body and mind and how societal norms propagate false narratives about its benefits. The reading and listening were invaluable, but it was the sense of community within This Naked Mind that ultimately provided me the lasting freedom I sought.

I went on to complete five more Live Alcohol Experiments. I enjoyed five alcohol-free months and thought I had achieved freedom, but a vacation led me astray again. Each time I returned to This Naked Mind, I gained further insights, reduced my drinking, and found greater peace and self-compassion.

My last Day One was on September 19, 2021.

From Participant to Coach

During my initial Live Alcohol Experiment, watching the coaches conduct live Q&A sessions each day inspired me to become a coach myself. Two years later, just two weeks after my final Day One, I applied for the certification program and never looked back.

Completing the This Naked Mind Institute certification was a fulfilling experience. I wanted to give back and make an impact just as those coaches had for me throughout my six Live Alcohol Experiments. It was the best decision I’ve ever made, allowing me to learn more about myself in these past couple of years than I ever would have otherwise.

Annie Grace has become one of my favorite people, and I aspire to create the same positive influence she has had on countless individuals, families, and communities. One person’s path to freedom from alcohol creates a ripple effect that can benefit the entire world.

Life in Full Color: A New Definition of Freedom

My life on the outside may not appear drastically different. I’ve transitioned from my nonprofit job of twenty years to establishing a life coaching business, a dream I’ve held for many years. I have also started a pet-sitting side business, and I enjoy being surrounded by furry friends while working from home. I’m raising my teenage daughters alongside my husband of seventeen years, who still drinks but has cut back since I stopped.

Managing a new career and entrepreneurship while parenting teenage daughters would have been impossible if I were still drinking. My inner landscape had to undergo a significant change.

For me, freedom from alcohol signifies liberation from wasted time, hangovers, anxiety, depression, shame, weight gain, puffiness, regret, embarrassment, risky behaviors, unhealthy choices, unnecessary drama, and isolation.

When I was drinking, I felt enveloped in a thick fog, living in a constant state of low energy, trapped in darkness. Being free from alcohol feels like experiencing life in vibrant color and fully engaging with the world again. I no longer feel numb.

Now, I can be my authentic self, experience a wide array of emotions, drive whenever I please, and wake up feeling refreshed. I have ample time, money, and energy for the things that bring me joy. I hold deep appreciation for life and the people around me.

My daughters admire me and look up to me, which is the most precious gift I’ve received from my choice to remain alcohol-free. My gift to them is my complete presence, attention, and shift in focus. My primary motivation for relinquishing alcohol was to break generational cycles and be a positive role model for my girls.

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A Message to My Past Self

If I had the chance to speak to my younger self, I would say this: You possess everything essential within you. No external substance can ever replicate the joy that comes from aligning with your inner spirit, God, and your true purpose. You don’t need anything outside of yourself to feel confident, valued, or loved. True freedom, joy, and peace originate from within.

I’m thrilled to assist other women in pursuing lives that are conscious, liberated, and fulfilling. If my experiences resonate with you, remember that change is achievable, no matter how long alcohol has been part of your journey. The road to freedom is open, and you don’t have to traverse it alone.

Tell Us Your Story

Have you navigated the challenges posed by alcohol with the help of our books, app, podcasts, or other programs from This Naked Mind? We would love to hear your experience here to inspire others on their journeys!

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