Mastering Stress: 5 Essential Self-Counseling Techniques

Many people experience stress during holiday gatherings. Navigating social expectations and personal feelings can be quite challenging. If these events start to feel like a burden, employing some practical self-counseling techniques can empower you to approach them with self-assurance and self-care. 

Recognize Your Emotions and Needs 

Increasing your self-awareness can significantly aid you in handling the stress that arises during holiday gatherings. Your feelings provide valuable insights into your emotional needs. For instance, if you are feeling anxious about an upcoming event, consider asking yourself, “What emotional need am I not meeting that’s causing this anxiety?” Emotional needs can include feelings of connection, authenticity, joy, hope, or safety, among others. Think about how you might fulfill these needs on your own and, when suitable, share them with trustworthy individuals. 

Establish Boundaries 

We’ve all experienced moments when someone’s comments or behavior made us feel hurt, exhausted, or overwhelmed. These situations highlight the necessity of establishing boundaries—these invisible lines help distinguish where we end and others begin. It’s crucial to set and uphold these boundaries for resilience, self-care, and maintaining healthy relationships. 

To prepare for potentially uncomfortable discussions, consider practicing responses such as: 

• “I prefer not to discuss that topic at this time.” 

• “Thank you for your concern, but I need some time to reflect on this.” 

• “I notice we have different viewpoints on that.” 

It’s important to remember that boundaries are not about excluding others; they honor your own needs and those of others as well. Reflect on the consequences of not establishing boundaries. Could you end up feeling hurt or resentful? This highlights why setting boundaries is a caring act that contributes to healthy relationships and maintains your peace of mind. 

Dedicate Time to Self-Validation 

Validating someone means recognizing their personal experiences without judgment. In contrast, self-validation is the ability to acknowledge and accept your feelings without needing external validation. This practice is crucial for maintaining emotional health and well-being. 

Ways to practice self-validation: 

• Acknowledge and label your feelings. Simply being aware of your emotions is the initial step towards acceptance. 

• Engage in non-judgmental self-dialogue. Be aware if you’re applying “should” thinking to yourself, such as “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “They should understand me.” Letting go of these judgments can foster a more compassionate approach towards yourself and others. 

• Look for internal validation. If you find yourself wanting others to agree with you, pause and ask, “How will other people’s views help me in this moment?” Rather than depending on someone else’s approval, listen to your inner voice and provide the affirmation you seek. 

Follow Your Values in Your Actions 

Clarifying your core values can streamline your decision-making process. When…

When you’re faced with the decision to compromise or join in with the group, sticking to your core values can significantly lower your stress and anxiety levels. It also enhances your self-respect and encourages deeper connections with others. 

Real-Life Examples: 

• If honesty is important to you, sharing the truth—even when it’s hard—might feel easier since it aligns with your values. 

• If your values include compassion, you may find it easier to relate to others emotionally, resulting in more satisfying social exchanges. 

• If you value fairness, you might focus on making choices that are just and fair, seeking outcomes that respect all parties involved. 

When you know your values and make decisions that reflect them, you will likely experience less inner conflict and feel less overwhelmed. This alignment helps you maintain composure, allowing for consistent actions in diverse situations. 

Treat Yourself to a Small Reward After the Event 

Wrap up on a positive note by acknowledging your efforts to be present for yourself and others. Organize a reward—something enjoyable or soothing that reflects your dedication to emotional self-care. This can be seen as a method of self-soothing, an essential skill for managing distress. Consider using your five senses when thinking about self-soothing activities. 

Suggestions: 

• Savor a favorite treat, enjoy a brisk walk, or relax with a movie. 

• Write in a journal about the experience to work through any lingering thoughts or feelings. 

• Light a scented candle, simmer cinnamon on the stove, or take a shower with your favorite soap. 

 Family gatherings can be challenging, but by incorporating these valuable self-care techniques, you may discover a newfound strength in your capacity to care for both yourself and others. Remember, these skills improve with practice, so take pride in your progress. Give yourself the freedom to choose what feels right for you. What works for one person may not resonate with another—and that’s perfectly acceptable. 

The previous content was solely authored by the named writer. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of GoodTherapy.org. For queries or concerns about this article, please contact the author or leave a comment below.