As the holiday season approaches, it often stirs up a variety of feelings as we navigate between festive gatherings and family events. While there is certainly enjoyment to be found, pressures from expectations, finances, and social duties can become daunting. However, with some thoughtful organization and mental preparation, you can enter the holidays feeling stable and ready.
What is the Cope Ahead Skill from DBT?
The “Cope Ahead” technique is part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that assists individuals in prepping for emotionally difficult scenarios (Linehan, 2015). By recognizing potential stressors, outlining responses, and envisioning favorable results, Cope Ahead fosters emotional strength and a better sense of control.
How to Use Cope Ahead During the Holidays
Step 1: Recognize Possible Stressors
Begin by reflecting on which aspects of the holiday season may pose a challenge for you.
- Family Relationships: Family events can often reignite old tensions or unresolved matters. Perhaps you’re aware of a particular family member who tends to bring up sensitive subjects.
- Feeling Socially Overwhelmed: Parties and gatherings can feel exhausting, especially for those who are introverted or experience social anxiety (Kabat-Zinn, 1994).
- Financial Strain: Costs associated with gifts, hosting gatherings, and traveling can lead to financial stress.
- Travel and Coordination Challenges: Busy airports, possible flight delays due to weather, tight schedules, and stepping outside your comfort zone can add to your stress levels.
- Feelings of Loneliness: Spending the holidays alone or coping with loss can heighten feelings of solitude.
Take a moment to note down specific holiday scenarios that you foresee causing stress. This will guide you in focusing on the most pertinent coping techniques (Linehan, 2015).
Step 2: Visualize the Difficult Scenarios
Now that you have your list of potential stressors, it’s important to vividly imagine each scenario. This isn’t about increasing your level of stress! Instead, the aim is to familiarize yourself with each situation, which can lessen surprises and help you feel more prepared when the time arrives (Linehan, 2015).
Consider the sights, sounds, and individuals that will be present. How might events unfold?
- Imagine yourself at a family dinner, picturing relatives falling into their usual arguments. How does that make you feel?
- Envision the atmosphere of a bustling holiday party—maybe there’s loud music, people talking over one another, and cramped spaces.
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- Picture yourself in a busy airport, surrounded by fellow passengers, all waiting for a flight that has been delayed—everyone jostling for space in the seats.
Step 3: Recognizing Feelings and Responses
Next, consider the feelings each scenario might evoke.
- Nerves regarding the fear of being judged or criticized.
- Irritation stemming from ongoing family disputes.
- Disappointment if you’re feeling the absence of someone dear to you this year.
- Overload from juggling social obligations, planning, and your individual needs.
By recognizing these feelings in advance, you can better manage how they may emerge during events. For instance, if you anticipate feeling nervous at a gathering, you can design a specific strategy to help manage that nervousness when it happens (Linehan, 2015; Kabat-Zinn, 1994).
Step 4: Develop Coping Techniques
With the possible emotions considered, it’s time to select coping techniques that you find practical and beneficial.
- Mindfulness: Engaging in mindfulness exercises during a gathering can help keep you centered. Focus on sensory experiences—like the flavor of your food or the feel of your clothing—to anchor yourself in the now (Kabat-Zinn, 1994).
- Breathing Techniques: Practicing slow, deep breaths can alleviate anxiety and maintain your composure.
- Setting Boundaries: If you suspect certain family members will bring up delicate subjects, consider determining a courteous but assertive way to set those boundaries. You might also think about stepping outside for a break if the situation feels overwhelming (Linehan, 2015).
- Physical Reminders: Think about bringing along a small object, like a bracelet or a keychain, to serve as a quiet reminder of your goal to remain calm and composed during the event.
- Taking Breaks: Plan short breaks for yourself during the day, especially if you tend to get socially drained. These could involve stepping outside, spending a few minutes alone in a quiet room, or even just visiting the restroom to take some deep breaths and regroup.
Select one or two strategies for each situation you contemplated in Step 2. Writing these down can help reinforce your commitment and serve as helpful guidance when needed later.
Step 5: Mental Visualization
The last phase focuses on visualization. Picture yourself effectively handling every scenario you previously envisioned, using your selected coping strategies…
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Envision yourself remaining composed, clearly stating your boundaries, or taking a necessary break. Practicing these reactions mentally can boost your confidence and preparedness for when real-life situations arise and emotions heighten (Linehan, 2015).
When we mentally rehearse, we are essentially preparing for actual events. Dedicate several minutes each day to this practice, particularly in the days leading up to the holiday festivities.
Strategies to Enhance Cope Ahead Effectiveness
- Engage in Consistent Practice: Begin applying the Cope Ahead technique a few weeks prior to the holidays so it becomes second nature.
- Have a Contingency Plan: Keep additional coping methods ready for unforeseen stressors. Being adaptable can significantly help.
- Show Yourself Compassion: It’s important to acknowledge that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions. Practicing self-kindness is crucial to managing holiday stress (Neff, 2011).
- Seek Assistance: Discuss your strategies with a reliable friend or therapist who can provide encouragement or hold you accountable (Linehan, 2015).
Final Thoughts: Adopting a Mindful and Prepared Mindset for the Holidays
Utilizing the DBT Cope Ahead skill is an effective way to proactively navigate holiday-induced stress. By recognizing potential stressors, outlining your reactions, and practicing mentally, you’ll tackle holiday events with increased confidence and resilience. This season, prioritize cherishing the significant moments, knowing you are equipped to face challenges calmly and purposely