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Let’s be honest: It’s a tough time right now. Although challenges are always present, I find myself feeling more heartbroken, overwhelmed, and angry than usual lately. Do you feel the same way?
Like many, I’m uncertain about how to address the pain I see around me. There’s heartache, struggle, anger, fear, and despair in our homes, communities, and in everything we see on the news and social media. While we can take some actions, much of this suffering is beyond our control.
Self-Compassion Is Essential for Collective Pain
When everything feels like too much, I often wonder how to handle all this pain—the heartache, suffering, and life’s inherent difficulties. From my experience and work, I’ve discovered that one effective way to navigate these challenges is through self-compassion.
Self-compassion not only helps when we face personal challenges but also serves as a crucial internal resource when we encounter the suffering of others. Even if we don’t know someone personally, their struggles can deeply affect us. That’s why starting with self-care is vital; it allows us to respond with love and empathy instead of fear, despair, frustration, or anger.
So, what does self-compassion look like? Imagine how you would support a dear friend going through a tough time. Now, apply that same warmth, care, and kindness to yourself; that’s self-compassion.
Research shows that self-compassion brings numerous benefits, such as greater resilience and optimism while reducing anxiety and depression. It helps us better embrace suffering—both ours and that of others—with tenderness. When we practice self-compassion, we can handle the emotional distress that often accompanies empathy.
Although self-compassion may not resolve the problem, it invites a deeper sense of calm and clarity as we face it. When we feel cared for, we’re more likely to make wise decisions. Taking care of ourselves, especially in difficult times, enhances our ability to cope with challenges and can be learned and practiced readily.
Practices You Can Try Today
These techniques can boost our awareness and compassion, helping us avoid feeling completely overwhelmed or shutting down.
One For Me And One For You:
This practice, drawn from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, can be incredibly useful when we feel burdened by others’ suffering. With some repetition, it can become a natural response when encountering someone in distress.
Think of someone, or even a group, who is facing difficulties. This could be someone you know or someone you’ve seen in the news. Now, check in with yourself and identify what would best support you in coping with their struggles. It might be patience, calmness, strength, or acceptance. Focus on your breath, consciously inviting that feeling into yourself while breathing in and releasing it while breathing out.
After a few breaths, if it feels right, consider what they might need. This may align with what you need, or it could be different. Continue to breathe in what you require while exhaling love and support for them. You can simplify this by simply saying to yourself, “One for me, and one for you” as you breathe.
Kind Touch:
Giving yourself gentle, caring touch is an easy way to cultivate self-compassion. You might place your hand on your heart, hold your own hand, touch your cheek lightly, or wrap your arms around yourself in a gentle hug. While this may feel strange at first, studies show the positive effects of this practice. Just like reaching out to hug a friend, we can also extend this love and care to ourselves. This kind of touch releases chemicals that promote comfort and connection, signaling to our body that we are safe and cared for.
Of Course…Honey Practice:
This approach integrates three key elements of self-compassion—mindfulness, shared humanity, and self-kindness—found in the Mindful Self-Compassion Program. When facing a struggle, reassure yourself with phrases like, “Of course, this is challenging, honey,” or “Of course, you feel scared, honey,” or “Of course, you’re feeling sad (angry, overwhelmed…), honey.” The phrase “of course” acknowledges our common humanity; anyone in similar circumstances might feel this way. Naming the emotion engages mindfulness, while using a term of endearment like ‘honey’ expresses self-kindness. I frequently employ this phrase while placing my hand on my heart and have found it very helpful, particularly in moments of heightened emotion.
Start Where You Are, and Move Forward
If you’re experiencing heartbreak, fear, anger, or any other emotion in reaction to the suffering in the world (or in your life), begin right where you are. Take a moment to nurture your own heart and mind before reaching out to a world that desperately needs our loving presence.
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