Have you ever wondered what to do when moderation attempts keep failing, no matter how hard you try? Kate found herself in this exact position. She was caught between the promise she made to her family and the reality that she couldn’t control her drinking. After her husband reminded her of their agreement—that if she couldn’t moderate, she’d need to quit altogether—Kate faced a devastating truth: moderation was impossible for her. But what she discovered next would transform not just her relationship with alcohol, but her entire life in ways she never imagined possible.
What do you do when your moderation attempts keep failing? Try doing what Kate did – read This Naked Mind! Download the first chapter for free right now!
Growing Up With Alcohol’s Shadow
Growing up in Britain in the late ’60s and ’70s, alcohol was fairly common—an accepted part of the culture. It wasn’t something I saw much of at home, though. My Dad didn’t seem particularly interested in drinking, but my Mum? She kept sherry and wine tucked away in the pantry. She would sneak small sips when she thought no one was looking. I quite liked the riskiness of this! Occasionally, she’d let me try some, calling it a “tonic” to make it seem harmless.
I absolutely loved the taste and the slight buzz it gave me. Of course, being a “good mum,” she’d cut me off after a sip or two, much to my disappointment. I must have been around 10 at the time.
Tragically, my Mum died in a road accident when I was just 18. By that time, I’d already developed a fondness for alcohol. It wasn’t just a drink—it had become part of my social identity, even at that young age. I embraced a bohemian lifestyle, spending time with friends, sipping wine, as we studied for our A-levels (the exams before university). Everything about it appealed to me: the taste, the illusion of sophistication it seemed to offer, and how perfectly it aligned with the image of the life I thought I wanted.
A Memory That Would Echo Through the Years
When we cleared out my Mum’s belongings after her death, I vividly remember finding bottles of liquor hidden in coat pockets. It was such a striking memory. What did it mean? At the time, I didn’t fully understand. Looking back, it was ironic. Years later, I’d find myself doing the exact same thing—hiding bottles so people wouldn’t notice how much I was drinking.
Funny how those patterns creep in without us even realizing the significance at the time…although I certainly did later! Understanding family patterns with alcohol became crucial to my recovery journey.
When “Normal” Drinking Felt Different
During university, it felt like everyone drank the same way. I knew I enjoyed drinking a lot, but didn’t everyone? It wasn’t until later that I began to realize my relationship with alcohol was different—more intense, even unusual.
A boyfriend I had between the ages of 20 and 25 significantly influenced my drinking habits. As a mature student, nearly three years older than me, he had a daily routine of buying beer and drinking it at home. This happened regardless of what he was doing or who he was with. Wanting to fit in, I developed my own habit: picking up a bottle of wine and drinking most, if not all, of it with him.
It wasn’t exactly a social activity—we each had our own stash, our own supply, and drank independently of one another. We may as well have been drinking alone!
Drinking Differently Down Under
When that relationship ended, I found myself traveling and working in Australia as a backpacker. My drinking habits stood out even more there. Despite the carefree, student-like atmosphere of the backpacking scene, it became clear that my drinking was “different.” Other people noticed too.
For me, drinking wasn’t just a social activity; it was essential. I needed to drink when I wanted, as much as I wanted. If anything got in the way of that, I’d feel angry, resentful, and deeply annoyed. Looking back, it’s clear that this wasn’t just a phase. It was the start of a pattern I couldn’t ignore.
The Hidden Bottles and Broken Promises
Alcohol becoming a problem for me became increasingly apparent when I became pregnant. I had to make a conscious decision to stop drinking. Later, when the kids were small, I found ways to sneak drinks. I surrounded myself with like-minded Mums who also enjoyed a drink (there was no shortage of them).
But even then, I started noticing that my relationship with alcohol was excessive. I’d get annoyed if others weren’t drinking as quickly or as often as I was. In my mind, they were dull or boring.
Around this time, I started hiding alcohol. My tolerance had increased dramatically. I needed more to feel the same effects, so I came up with increasingly elaborate hiding places. I couldn’t help but think of my mother’s hidden bottles and how I was doing the exact same thing.
By then, the cracks were showing. There were plenty of “events”—getting caught by my family, embarrassing myself in social situations, and letting people down. My husband and kids bore the brunt of it.
Losing What Mattered Most
In my mid-50s, my drinking nearly cost me my grown-up daughter. She didn’t want me around for fear her friends would see me drunk. She’d say things like, “You love alcohol more than your family.” Another painful one: “How can I have you at my wedding when I don’t know how you’ll show up?”
The truth was, she wasn’t wrong. When she said I loved alcohol more than anything else, I kind of did.
During COVID, it became clear just how much alcohol had taken hold of my life. Even when we were supposed to be isolating, I found ways to go out and buy it. That realization hit me hard—it was a stark wake-up call. I was not only prioritizing alcohol but also finding ways to fund it, no matter the circumstances. It had become essential to me.
The Father’s Day That Changed Everything
One moment that stands out was Father’s Day 2021. My husband wanted to barbecue and have a couple of beers in the evening after finishing yard work. I couldn’t wait that long, though. By this point, my drinking had become heavier, and my hangovers more brutal. I started drinking earlier in the day.
Unbelievably, I made up a story about bumping into friends during a bike ride that afternoon. I claimed they’d offered me wine. In reality, there were no friends. I’d been drinking on my own and concocted the whole story to cover my tracks. When I came home intoxicated, my excuse was ready, but it was all a lie. I was very clearly drunk. The day was ruined!
It’s painful to admit, but drinking was more important to me than Father’s Day, my husband, and my children. That’s how manipulative and deceitful I had become. It’s a horrible confession, but it’s also the truth.
The Intervention That Shook Me Awake
After the Father’s Day BBQ incident, along with a series of other upsetting events, my husband and daughter finally confronted me. They put significant pressure on me to stop drinking or at least seek help. My daughter made it clear that she couldn’t have me in her life unless I took action. My husband—who had been relatively passive until then—fully backed her. He began suggesting recovery programs and AA. He even spoke to our family doctor about my “out-of-control drinking.”
That was the biggest wake-up call ever. The people I loved most were putting up emotional barriers to protect themselves from me. The responsibility was mine alone, and I realized it then.
What to Do When Moderation Attempts Keep Failing: Finding Another Way
But I refused. I told them I wasn’t going to AA or any recovery program. I believed I could find my own path to “recovery” through education, knowledge, and empowerment. So, I turned to Google and discovered This Naked Mind.
The title immediately grabbed me—it wasn’t about necessarily quitting but about “controlling your relationship with alcohol.” That resonated with me. The idea of quitting felt overwhelming (especially at the beginning), like losing a best friend. I hoped to become a moderate, “normal” drinker.
Even after diving into the material and recognizing how much sense it all made, I clung to the idea of moderation. After my family’s confrontation and reading the book in July 2021, I entered a phase of trying to moderate my drinking. I failed repeatedly, though. Many people struggle with moderation, just as I did.
When Moderation Proved Impossible: What to Do When Moderation Attempts Keep Failing
The breaking point came when I was caught hiding alcohol AGAIN. This was a promise I’d made to my husband not to break. He reminded me that I’d agreed to quit altogether if I couldn’t stick to my word. I couldn’t, plain and simple.
This is what to do when moderation attempts keep failing: recognize that moderation might not be the answer. Alcohol had too much power in my life. It wasn’t something I could control or casually engage with. Looking back, I see it for what it was—alcohol had become a job, a crutch, and far more than just a drink. I understand that now.
If you’re asking yourself what to do when moderation attempts keep failing, understanding the science behind alcohol can change everything.
The Science That Set Me Free
On 26 August 2021, after decades of habitual drinking, I finally removed alcohol from my life. I had convinced myself that my beloved wine was essential for relaxing, socializing, fitting in, celebrating, and even sleeping. This transformation was entirely thanks to This Naked Mind and Annie Grace’s science-based, compassion-driven methodology. It helped me uncover the truth about alcohol, examine my core beliefs, and understand that by shifting my mindset, I could effortlessly break the habit. I didn’t need to rely on sheer willpower.
Reading This Naked Mind made me realize I was trapped. My own thoughts and beliefs about alcohol had constructed the walls of my prison. I had convinced myself that alcohol was essential for my survival. However, TNM showed me that by shifting my mindset and rethinking my relationship with alcohol, I could change my behavior naturally and sustainably. Willpower wasn’t required.
Understanding What Kept Me Stuck
I stopped wanting to drink because I understood alcohol no longer served me. It had no real purpose in my life other than to cause harm. I dove into the science of how alcohol was keeping me stuck. Learning about liminal thinking helped me challenge my assumptions and reframe my beliefs.
I began experimenting with alcohol-free living, building small successes, and gaining confidence with every step. Through awareness, curiosity, and self-compassion, I found clarity and healthier ways of thinking and living.
I joined a 5-day program, which led me to the year-long Path course in December 2021. By then, I had been four months alcohol-free, but I knew there was still so much to learn. My ultimate goal was to be completely free—not just from drinking, but from the emotional fixation and mental hold alcohol had over me.
Coming Alive in The Path
That year in The Path was truly transformational. I didn’t just wake up—I came ALIVE. I gained invaluable insights and discovered new purpose and joy in living. The supportive community I connected with remains close friends to this day. It was, without question, the best decision I’ve ever made.
Life Beyond Alcohol
My life today is nothing short of extraordinary. After The Path, I trained as a This Naked Mind Coach to help others discover the freedom I’ve found.
My family has fully embraced me again. I’ve regained their respect. My daughter is now my best friend and couldn’t be prouder of her Mum. My son has become both an ally and a business partner—after I became certified as a This Naked Mind and ALP-trained coach, he created an all-in-one platform to support new online coaches. The ripple effect has been truly incredible.
Having met my husband in Australia, we’re now empty nesters rediscovering our shared love of global travel. In the past 18 months, we’ve visited the Galápagos, the Amazon, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Hawaii. I cherish watching the sun rise and set each day. I’m up before 6 a.m. daily to make the most of every moment.
Thriving, Not Just Surviving
I’m now an Alcohol Freedom Coach with my own online business and two thriving communities. I work with clients, appear as a guest on podcasts, speak on panels, and collaborate with like-minded individuals. All of this allows me to share the transformative message of This Naked Mind methodology that changed my life.
Alcohol no longer has any hold over me. I live authentically, peacefully, and joyfully in my own skin, fully embracing the life I was always meant to lead. Freedom from the grip of addiction is real.
I’m excited about the future, both personally and professionally. My business continues to grow as I merge my passions for wellness, coaching, and travel into a fulfilling life. As a Fitness Instructor and former Social Worker, I combine my expertise in wellness and personal growth to help others. I’m also an avid runner (a 5K Park Run fan), golfer, reader, and lifelong learner. Personal development never stops for me.
Life now is about thriving, not just surviving. I’m beyond grateful for every single moment and especially grateful for finding Annie Grace and This Naked Mind.
What to Do When Moderation Attempts Keep Failing: A Message to Anyone Still Struggling
If I could tell my past self one thing, I’d encourage her to stay aware and curious about what’s possible. I’d remind her to practice self-compassion and keep an open mind. She needed to step outside her comfort zone, to experiment, and to embrace the unknown.
Our survival instincts often keep us in a state of fight or flight, I now understand. I’d remind her to stay present and focus on what feels right in a progressive, meaningful way.
Most importantly, I’d urge her to question her habits at their core. Those habits didn’t define her. She was capable of profound, life-changing transformation, and I’d want her to trust that.
Finally, I’d reassure my younger self that she is enough, just as she is. No artificial boost was needed to enjoy, cope with, or navigate life. I wouldn’t dwell on the fact that change didn’t come sooner—it came when she was ready, and that’s what truly matters.
If you’re wondering what to do when moderation attempts keep failing, I understand exactly how you feel. But I want you to know this: freedom is possible, transformation is real, and you are absolutely capable of creating the life you deserve. Join thousands of others who have found freedom from alcohol’s grip and discovered authentic joy.
Ready to start your own journey to freedom? Download the first chapter of This Naked Mind and discover the science-based approach that changed Kate’s life—and the lives of hundreds of thousands of others around the world.
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