Written By Bisi Adewale
Love is beautiful.
Love is powerful.
But love is not enough.
As a marriage clinician and family life mentor, I have sat with couples whose eyes once sparkled with romance but now brim with regret. Not because they didn’t love each other, but because they never asked the questions that love was supposed to answer.
Many marriages don’t collapse suddenly. They bleed slowly.
They suffer not from hatred, but from silence.
From assumptions.
From conversations postponed until it was too late.
This article is not to scare you. It is to save you.
Before love turns into regret, here are 10 questions every couple must courageously answer, together.
1. How Do We Handle Conflict When Emotions Are High?
Every couple fights. The difference between healthy and broken marriages is how they fight.
Do you shut down, shout, withdraw, or punish with silence? Do you pursue understanding or victory?
Many people fall in love without ever seeing each other angry. That is dangerous. Marriage will test your temper, not your attraction.
If you can’t resolve small conflicts now, they will become large wounds later.
2. What Does Respect Look Like to You?
Respect is deeply personal.
For some, it means tone. For others, it means loyalty, privacy, or public honor. Love languages differ, but so do respect languages.
Many marriages suffer not because partners are disrespectful, but because they define respect differently and never talked about it.
What feels normal to you may feel painful to your spouse.
3. How Do We Make Decisions—Together or Alone?
Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Who decides finances, family matters, relocation, or parenting styles? Is one voice always louder than the other?
Unclear leadership creates silent resentment.
If you don’t agree on how decisions are made, every decision becomes a battleground.
4. What Role Will Money Play in Our Marriage?
Money is emotional. Money reveals values. Money exposes control issues.
How do you spend? How do you save? How do you handle debt? Who manages the finances?
Love does not cancel financial irresponsibility. Many marriages collapse not from lack of money, but from lack of agreement.
Don’t just ask how much they earn, ask how they think about money.
5. How Do We Heal, Apologize, and Forgive?
No marriage survives without forgiveness.
When hurt happens, do you take responsibility or shift blame? Do you apologize sincerely or justify your actions? Do you forgive fully or store grudges?
Some people say “sorry” but never change. Others say “I forgive you” but never release the pain.
Marriage requires two people who know how to heal, not just how to hurt.
6. What Are Our Expectations About Intimacy and Affection?
Intimacy is not only physical, it is emotional, verbal, and spiritual.
How do you express affection? How do you feel loved? What makes you feel rejected or unwanted?
Many couples assume intimacy will naturally align. It doesn’t.
Unspoken expectations around intimacy create frustration, temptation, and emotional distance.
Ask the question now, before silence becomes suffering.
7. What Family Boundaries Must We Establish?
Marriage does not erase family influence.
How involved will parents be? What boundaries must be respected? How do you handle interference?
Many marriages suffer because couples never agreed on where loyalty lies.
Marriage demands unity. If you don’t draw boundaries together, others will draw them for you.
8. How Do We Grow, Individually and Together?
People grow. But not always in the same direction.
Do you support each other’s dreams? Are you open to learning, counseling, mentorship, and correction?
Some people enter marriage thinking growth ends at “I do.” That is a lie.
Marriage is not a finish line; it is a journey that requires continuous development.
9. How Do We Handle Stress, Pressure, and Crisis?
Life will test your marriage, loss, sickness, financial strain, disappointment.
Do you withdraw under pressure or draw closer? Do you blame or support? Do you pray or panic?
Pressure doesn’t create problems; it reveals them.
If you don’t know how your partner handles stress, marriage will introduce you suddenly and painfully.
10. Are We Choosing Each Other With Our Eyes Open?
This is the hardest question.
Are you ignoring red flags because you’re afraid to be alone? Are you hoping marriage will change what wisdom is warning you about?
Love should open your eyes, not blind them.
Marriage is not sustained by hope that someone will change, but by commitment to who they truly are.
A Closing Reflection
Unasked questions don’t disappear after the wedding, they return as conflict, silence, and regret.
Many people say, “If only I had known…”
But the truth is, they never asked.
Intentional questions protect love.
Honest conversations preserve peace.
Wisdom before marriage saves tears after.
Before you exchange vows, exchange truth.
Before you promise forever, ask deeply.
Because love is beautiful—but clarity is safer.
Ask the questions now…
So love doesn’t turn into regret later.