As a Marriage Clinician, I’ve spoken with numerous couples who regret not asking the right questions beforehand, saying, “If only I had been more discerning, I wouldn’t be in this situation.” Don’t wait until it’s too late. Consider these 18 essential questions before deciding on a life partner:
1. Do I know this person deeply beyond just physical attraction?
While looks may initially catch your eye, it is their character that will shape your future together. Know more than just their favorite meals; understand their values, aspirations, and personality.
2. Are we true friends or merely lovers?
Love can diminish over time, but a genuine friendship lasts. Are you able to enjoy each other’s company without physical intimacy? Solid friendship is vital in marriage.
3. Is there a genuine fear of God in this person?
Simply attending church doesn’t equate to a true reverence for God. Seek a partner who respects God in both public and private, someone with an active conscience.
4. Can I accept their flaws?
Don’t marry with the hope of changing someone; that’s a misconception. If their shortcomings bother you now, they will likely annoy you more once married.
5. Are our life goals compatible?
If you aspire to be a missionary while your partner desires a luxurious lifestyle, disagreements will arise. A unified goal leads to a shared journey.
6. How do we deal with conflicts?
Do small disputes lead to cold shoulders, verbal attacks, or slamming doors? Marriage tends to amplify conflicts, not lessen them. Observe how you resolve conflicts currently.
7. What do mentors and people I trust think about this person?
Love can sometimes cloud our judgment, but outsiders may provide clarity. Heed the advice of family, community leaders, and mentors who care for you enough to be truthful.
8. Am I feeling pressured or influenced by timing?
Many enter marriage out of fear of aging or peer pressure. Impulsive decisions often lead to regrets. Wait for the right moment.
9. Are we financially stable?
Financial disputes break more relationships than infidelity. Is your partner responsible with money management? Poor financial habits can be a source of torment in marriage.
10. Do I have genuine admiration and respect for this person?
Love without respect can be detrimental. If you can’t admire their choices or values, maintaining commitment will be challenging.
11. How does this person treat those they don’t depend on?
Observe how they interact with servers, janitors, or strangers. A rude or arrogant attitude won’t change just because you’re married.
12. Do we have matching beliefs about intimacy, parenting, and family?
If one of you wants multiple children while the other prefers none, or if opinions about premarital intimacy clash, conflicts will be inevitable.
13. Does this person inspire me to be better?
The right partner encourages your growth, boosts your self-worth, and empowers you. The wrong partner can be draining and hinder your potential.
14. What is my true motivation for this relationship?
Are you marrying for wealth, status, or simply to escape loneliness? Insincere intentions will falter under the trials of marriage.
15. Can I pray about this decision with an open heart?
When God provides peace, it will be evident. If you sense a lack of peace, pay attention to that intuition. Feelings of discomfort in prayer could be a warning.
16. Do we communicate effectively?
Clear communication is essential for a healthy marriage. If you struggle to converse now, marriage won’t resolve that issue. Silence and assumptions will create barriers.
17. Are we both emotionally mature?
Marriage requires individuals with adult responsibilities, not immature personalities. Emotional maturity involves accountability, managing stress, and making sacrifices.
18. Am I genuinely prepared for marriage?
Sometimes it’s less about finding the “right partner” and more about being “ready yourself.” Have you healed from previous wounds? Are you in a stable position to give as well as to receive?
Dear reader, don’t risk your future. Answering these questions now can help you avoid heartbreak later. That’s why I’ve written my new book, “23 Smart Ways to Choose a Life Partner.” It’s filled with practical insights and spiritual guidance to assist singles, clergy, and counselors in leading individuals to joyful marriages instead of painful regrets.
If you found this valuable, share it with someone today, as many singles can benefit from this wisdom.