While walking one morning, I was struck by how fast time is flying by, and yet it feels like I’ve accomplished very little.
This made me reflect on how much more I should have achieved with half the year gone.
However, after going through the end of my nearly eight-year relationship in January and experiencing a lot of changes since then, I began to wonder why I was even stressing about my achievements.
My life has transformed, and it will keep evolving, but I still feel the need to demonstrate that I’ve done something meaningful during this time.
In reality, I’ve been spending a lot of time crying, journaling, watching YouTube, reading, and taking walks.
I’ve also started therapy to help me process these emotions and eventually tackle unresolved issues from my past.
I’ve been identifying small goals to focus on every day.
Amidst this, I find myself lost in thoughts about the past eight years, trying to understand where things went off track.
And yet, there’s this persistent inner pressure telling me that I should be achieving more.
The pressure to do more
What is it that I think I should be doing? Should I be exploring the world? Finding my own living space instead of staying with my parents? Seeking new friendships? Redefining who I am?
I frequently write about the importance of allowing myself to do nothing, yet daily, I grapple with the feeling that I’m wasting my valuable time or that there might be a better life waiting for me.
I often think, “If only I were more adventurous, driven, and self-assured, perhaps I could lead a completely different life.”
But why do I feel this way? Is it societal expectations, comparisons with others, or just part of who I am? Why do I believe there’s an alternate life out there that I should be living?
The fantasy future
While struggling with these thoughts, I stumbled upon a video discussing the concept of ‘lacking follow-through.’
Heidi explains how many of us feel stagnant in life because we get caught up in fantasy ideas about the future.
We envision that our future selves will lead significantly better lives.
The issue arises when we use these future dreams as a way to escape our present circumstances.
It’s often easier to dream about the future than to confront the discomfort of our current lives. In a world of fantasy, there are no challenges to face, and stress is absent.
However, when your imagined future is so far removed from your actual life, it can be daunting to think about how to bridge that gap… so often, nothing changes.
You remain stuck, even though that’s not where you want to be. It’s a never-ending cycle.
To transition from your current reality to your dream future, you first need to accept where you are right now.
Being present in the moment, even when it’s tough, is crucial instead of fleeing from it.
I’ve come to realize that rather than embracing my current situation, I’ve been comparing myself to an idealized future self instead of recognizing who I truly am.
My anxiety about wasted potential stems from my reluctance to confront my life as it is.
Returning to ourselves
When I take a real look at my life, I see that I have been dealing with a myriad of challenging emotions.
I’m in a phase of reorientation, and I’m gradually rediscovering my identity.
In a results-driven society, it’s difficult to feel accomplished without tangible evidence of the internal work I’ve been doing.
There are no awards for identifying patterns in your behaviors and striving to understand their origins.
You can’t set SMART goals for the process of healing.
But just because you won’t earn accolades for navigating the complexities of being human, it doesn’t mean your efforts are in vain.
The journey toward self-acceptance—of both ourselves and our current situations—is a valuable one.
Start from where you are
When the demands to achieve more feel overwhelming, focus on accepting your current life as it is and move forward from there.
Utilize what you already have instead of fixating on what you wish you had or what you could have.
Embrace your reality, even if it includes some burdens.
Ultimately, the goal is not to do more, but to fully accept the present for what it truly is.