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Have you ever been labeled a drama queen? Told to just move on already? It can be tough when people are so unsympathetic—and learning how to heal from emotional trauma isn’t a walk in the park. When you feel shattered and adrift, taking action can seem impossible. If you find yourself in this situation today, know that you’re not isolated, and you’re not broken. Here at This Naked Mind, we’re here to support you—without judgment, just informed insights, kindness, and effective tools.
“It’s not about the story itself. It’s about the emotions that arise from it.” — Dr. Melissa Kalt, This Naked Mind Podcast, E689
We’ll provide you with practical methods that help you feel more secure in your body, process your feelings without relying on alcohol, and choose the path to healing at your own pace.
TL;DR
- Trauma is not only what occurred; it also relates to how well you were able to cope at the time and the significance you assign to it afterward (APA, NIMH).
- Relief stems from experiencing sensations and emotions rather than constantly recounting your story; dwelling on it keeps you trapped (Moulds et al., 2020).
- Evidence-backed therapies include trauma-focused CBT and EMDR (Cochrane Review); somatic methods show promising outcomes (Brom et al., 2017).
- Avoid: using alcohol as a way to numb your feelings. It disrupts sleep (especially REM) and emotional processing, worsening mood and resilience.
- Healing is possible—often through simple daily practices, support from others, and being gentle with yourself. When symptoms interfere with daily life, seek professional help (NIMH).
Jump Links
Q&A
What is emotional trauma?
Emotional trauma refers to the response resulting from extremely distressing events that overwhelm your ability to handle them, altering how safe you feel both in your body and in the world around you. It’s not solely defined by the event itself, but also by your nervous system’s response at the moment and the meanings you attribute to it later (APA overview; APA dictionary). In terms from TNM: your brain was attempting to shield you, and sometimes those protective settings linger.
Emotional trauma specialist, Dr. Melissa Kalt, explains it like this: If two individuals go through the same car accident, the event alone doesn’t define the trauma… it’s their perspective and the narratives they create about themselves afterward that matter (TNM E689).
What can cause emotional trauma?
A major incident (like an assault, accident, or disaster) can certainly lead to trauma, but so can the so-called “little t” experiences that accumulate—such as ongoing criticism, humiliation, medical treatments, and emotional neglect. Early adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) raise the risk for future health and mental health problems (CDC-Kaiser ACE Study; Felitti et al., 1998). Not everyone who faces such situations develops PTSD; various factors (biological, supportive, historical) influence the results (NIMH).
Ready to break the cycle of numbness and repetition? Join our gentle, free Crush Your Cravings Challenge and learn TNM techniques to help you manage urges, process your emotions, and find relief without alcohol.
What are the effects of emotional trauma?
Trauma can resonate throughout your entire system:
- Body: experiencing tension/pain, gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, and disrupted sleep—your body retains the memories of stress.
- Mind & emotions: heightened alertness, anxiety, feelings of sadness, negative self-talk, and a persistent belief that “I’m not safe” (Mayo Clinic overview; NIMH PDF).
- Behavior: people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, avoidance, and yes—numbing (through alcohol, food, mindless scrolling).
A significant pitfall is rumination—constantly replaying the story and criticizing oneself. This might feel productive, but studies reveal a link between trauma-related rumination and worsened PTSD/depression symptoms (Moulds et al., 2020).
Rumination… feels like a necessary step to finding an answer, but it often takes you further away from resolution and progress. – Dr. Melissa Kalt
What coping mechanisms do people use to deal with emotional trauma?
Common (understandable!) defaults—and healthier alternatives:
Numbing (through alcohol/substances, food, shopping, overworking, or endless scrolling)
→ Provides temporary relief but blocks emotional processing, making future challenges tougher to face.
Avoidance (keeping busy, avoiding intimacy, striving for perfection, or pleasing others)
→ Reduces stress temporarily but keeps your nervous system in a state of alarm.
Mental loops (thinking “what if…,” “if only…,” or engaging in self-criticism)
→ Feels like progress, but is actually rumination—adding fuel to anxiety and shame.
Instead, try these simple, albeit challenging approaches:
- Supportive connection: reach out to one trustworthy friend with a simple message: “No fixing—just be with me.”
- Gentle movement: spend 3–10 minutes doing activities like walking, stretching, or shaking off tension.
- Mindfulness-in-your-body: identify the feeling, locate it within you, and breathe out longer than you breathe in.
- Consistent sleep and nutrition: establish a routine for winding down and enjoying regular meals or snacks.
- Small victories: complete one simple action aligned with your values in just 5 minutes.
Supported by clinical resources: APA—Coping with traumatic stress • NIMH—Coping after trauma • CDC—Healthy ways to cope with stress
What Not To Do (and healthier alternatives)
We appreciate a helpful “do this, not that” guide, so here’s a friendly reminder list. (No shame needed—many of us started in similar places.)
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1) Avoid using alcohol to escape emotions.
While it might help you doze off quicker, it disrupts your sleep later, particularly during REM—the stage linked to processing emotions. Consequently, you’ll wake up feeling more anxious, fatigued, and less equipped to handle emotions. Over time, alcohol can exacerbate mood issues and alter sleep patterns, worsening the very feelings you’re trying to alleviate.
Instead, try: micro-regulation techniques (extended exhales, humming), a 10-minute screen-free winding down, and “urge surfing” (ride it out; the intensity will eventually decrease). For more details, refer to Colrain & Nicholas, 2014, and McCullar et al., 2024.
There’s absolutely zero advantage and plenty of harm in shaming or judging ourselves emotionally.
2) Don’t withdraw when experiencing a downward spiral.
Avoidance can temporarily reduce anxiety but often leads to worse outcomes with substances and increased distress.
Instead, reach out: text a trusted person with “I’m not looking for solutions; just your company, please.” (Just being present provides healing. Advice may trigger past traumas.) For insights on social support, check King et al., 2000.
Connection helps regulate your nervous system. We can share each other’s calmness. Isolation has the opposite effect.
3) Avoid engaging with your thoughts through further rationalization.
Arguing with your thoughts can lead to spiraling thoughts.
Instead, focus on your body: As Dr. Kalt puts it, “the narrative isn’t what counts. What’s important is the feeling.” Identify it, locate it in your body, and breathe into it. This Naked Mind.
“What matters is your present situation… it’s not that the past is insignificant… but your future shapes your present as well.”
4) Do not categorize feelings as “bad.”
Your brain interprets this as a threat, activating alarm responses.
Instead, practice neutral observation (“tight chest, fluttery stomach”), then follow with a more compassionate interpretation (“my body is trying to assist me”). Approaches rooted in polyvagal theory highlight the importance of cues of safety and connection to calm the alarm response (Porges, 2022).
“If a friend were crying, you wouldn’t label their tears as ‘bad.’ Extend the same kindness to yourself—acknowledge it, breathe, and allow it to exist.” — Dr. Melissa Kalt, This Naked Mind EP 689
5) Avoid binge-consuming healing methods.
Listening to five podcast episodes in one evening is still a form of tension.
Instead, focus on: small daily practices: one breathing exercise, one kind reframe, one brief connection. Our brains rewire with consistent actions.
“Healing is a daily habit, not a sprint. Ten mindful minutes each day is far more effective than a prolonged deep dive.” — Dr. Melissa Kalt
How can you move beyond emotional trauma?
Here’s a straightforward, scientifically-backed guide that complements Dr. Kalt’s focus on the present and our coaching efforts with thousands in the TNM community:
1) Extend yourself radical grace.
You dealt with situations using the tools you had. This compassion calms the nervous system and creates room for transformation.
2) Feel to let go (focus on now, not the past).
Begin with safety, not self-criticism. Remind yourself: All feelings are safe to experience. While this may not always be pleasant, it signifies that you can coexist with these emotions without needing to change them. This reduces shame and the need to escape.
Healing progresses when you work through sensations and feelings instead of becoming stuck in the story. Polyvagal-informed practices stress how signals of safety can help shift the autonomic nervous system towards connection and regulation (Porges, 2022). Create small moments of safety daily: gentle gazes, longer exhales, stable footing, warmth, and friendly company.
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3) Break the cycle of rumination (10 minutes each day).
Rumination keeps symptoms alive; intentional practice helps alleviate it (Moulds et al., 2020). Try the “Notice–Name–Nudge” approach:
- Notice the cycle (“I’m stuck in this thought again”).
- Name the theme (“worst-case mindset / self-criticism”).
- Nudge your focus back to your body and surroundings (utilize 5-4-3-2-1 senses).
4) Take proactive steps (prioritize identity).
Consider this question: “What would the healing version of me do in this moment?”
Then take one small action that aligns with that identity—send a supportive text, step outside for a couple of minutes, or prepare something nourishing. These small choices reinforce the message to your body that I’m safe and in control again.
5) Seek science-backed help when needed
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6) Improve sleep (your emotional buffer)
Maintaining REM sleep is essential for emotional processing. Alcohol disrupts REM and your ability to regulate emotions the next day. Establish a calming routine that reduces screen time; if you’re having trouble sleeping, approach it as a healing journey rather than a personal failing.
7) Prioritize connections
People often help each other find balance. Surround yourself with those who can provide support (listen without trying to fix things). Experiencing this kind of emotional support is vital, not just a luxury (according to the APA’s coping guide).
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When to seek professional support
If you’re having difficulty functioning at work or home, experiencing significant sleep or appetite changes, resorting to risky coping methods, or having thoughts of self-harm, seek help right away. Begin with your primary care physician or a therapist experienced in trauma; look into science-backed options, and if you’re in crisis in the U.S., call or text 988 (NIMH PTSD guide).
You are not alone
If alcohol has become your main way to deal with tough emotions, consider taking the next positive step with our help. The free Crush Your Cravings Challenge provides you with simple tools to manage cravings, calm your nervous system, and make progress with clarity instead of struggling against willpower.
References
© 2025 This Naked Mind. This content is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for medical advice. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (U.S.) or your local emergency services.
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