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Marriage is a sacred bond, not just a contract between people. God looked at Adam and observed, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Marriage is a divine gift, and when treated with care, it can create a paradise on earth.
However, even well-meaning individuals who genuinely want a happy home can fall into traps without realizing it. These issues aren’t always major transgressions like infidelity or violence. Often, it’s the small, daily choices that quietly erode love, unity, and peace.
The Bible advises in Song of Solomon 2:15: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
These little “foxes” represent the unnoticed errors that gradually diminish the beauty of our marriage. Let’s explore 27 of them, so we can dodge these pitfalls and strengthen our homes.
1. Taking Each Other for Granted
At first, couples express gratitude towards each other. A husband might say, “Thank you for making this meal,” while a wife might comment, “I appreciate your support.” But as time goes by, they can become complacent and overlook these small gestures. The risk? A partner who feels undervalued may start to feel invisible. Gratitude is essential; it binds the relationship together.
2. Neglecting Daily Conversations
Discussing bills, expenses, or calendars isn’t the same as genuine communication. A marriage flourishes when partners share their feelings and not just their responsibilities. Ask your spouse, “How was your day?” and listen attentively. Words are like seeds; silence can lead to emotional distance.
3. Not Praying Together
Many couples pray individually but miss out on praying together. Joint prayer fosters spiritual unity, heals emotional wounds, and enhances love. The devil fears a couple that prays together because their unity invites God’s presence (Matthew 18:19).
4. Letting Devices Replace True Presence
Picture a husband endlessly scrolling his phone while his wife speaks about her day or a wife texting while her husband needs her focus. Being present is more valuable than gifts. Love is defined by T-I-M-E.
5. Ignoring Emotional Needs
The Bible states in Ephesians 5:33: “Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” This reveals fundamental needs: men desire respect, and women yearn for love. When these needs go unattended, issues arise.
6. Allowing Children to Interfere
Children are blessings, but they shouldn’t replace your partner. Some couples invest all their energy into their kids, forgetting that eventually, the children will grow independent. If you neglect your relationship, you may drift apart when they leave the nest.
7. Hesitating to Say “I’m Sorry”
Some believe an apology diminishes their pride. In reality, avoiding an apology harms intimacy. A simple, “I’m sorry for hurting you,” can mend wounds that pride may exacerbate.
8. Neglecting Physical Intimacy
Sex in marriage is sacred, not shameful. Withholding intimacy, belittling it, or using it as leverage can inflict deep wounds. Paul cautions in 1 Corinthians 7:5: “Do not deprive one another…” Intimacy isn’t merely physical; it soothes the heart and builds trust.
9. Comparing Your Marriage to Others
The grass generally appears greener on the other side because it’s being nurtured. Comparing your spouse to others—friends, coworkers, or social media figures—can create bitterness. Your marriage is unique; focus on nourishing it instead of comparing.
10. Keeping Secrets
A “small” secret, like hiding a purchase or a discussion, might seem insignificant, but it can foster distrust. Genesis 2:25 reveals that “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame”—a call for transparency. Secrets erode trust.
11. Allowing In-Laws to Influence Decisions
While loving your parents is important, permitting them to dictate your marital choices can be harmful. A man must “leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife” (Genesis 2:24). Without boundaries, your marriage may be at risk.
12. Forgetting to Celebrate Each Other
Marriage should encompass joy, not just mundane responsibilities. Honor birthdays, anniversaries, or even small successes. When celebrations stop, a spouse may feel more like a coworker than a partner.
13. Bottling Up Emotions Instead of Discussing
The silent treatment leads to emotional starvation. A partner who suppresses anger might later express it destructively. The Bible advises, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Speak up, but do so wisely.
14. Criticizing Instead of Nurturing
While correction is necessary, excessive criticism makes one feel inadequate. A husband who only hears what’s wrong or a wife who receives corrections without praise will feel disregarded. Encouragement brings out the best in individuals.
15. Being Too Preoccupied for Each Other
While work is essential, couples who neglect each other due to busyness starve their love. Jesus asked, “What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his soul?” (Mark 8:36). In marriage, what benefit is there in promotions if you lose intimacy?
16. Forgetting to Share Laughter
Partners often become so focused on responsibilities that they forget to enjoy each other’s company. Shared laughter signifies shared happiness. Proverbs 17:22 states, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” A house without laughter feels like a hospital.
17. Unwholesome Friendships
A seemingly innocent friendship with someone of the opposite sex can lead to temptation. Safeguard your marriage with clear boundaries. Remember, Eve didn’t plan to sin; it began with a simple conversation.
18. Overlooking Small Acts of Kindness
Holding the car door open, offering to help in the kitchen, or sending a quick “I miss you” text may seem minor, but they build romance. Ignoring these gestures turns the marriage into a routine phase.
19. Speaking Harshly
Tone can hurt more than the words themselves. Phrasing like, “Can’t you ever get it right?” wounds deeper than silence. Proverbs 15:1 states, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
20. Failing to Grow Spiritually Together
Couples can sometimes drift apart spiritually—one may grow closer to God while the other moves away. This disconnect creates strain. Make it a point to study the Bible, attend church, and share insights together.
21. Assuming Love Alone Can Sustain a Marriage
Love is merely the seed; patience, forgiveness, and wisdom are needed to nourish it. Regardless of how strong love may feel initially, without attention, it can fade.
22. Not Setting Boundaries with Work or Ministry
Even church activities can jeopardize a marriage if they dominate your time. Your primary ministry should be your home. Paul cautioned in 1 Timothy 3 that leaders must manage their families effectively.
23. Neglecting to Dream Together
A couple that stops discussing their future risks drifting apart. Dreaming together provides direction—whether it’s launching a business, buying a home, or planning a vacation, keep those dreams alive.
24. Not Protecting Marital Privacy
Reaching out to friends or social media to vent about your spouse is a form of betrayal. Some couples disclose everything to outsiders while leaving their partner in the dark. Treasure your marriage’s secrets.
25. Holding Grudges Instead of Forgiving
Unforgiveness is like carrying a poison, hoping it harms the other person. A marriage filled with resentments resembles a house with termites; it looks fine outside but is crumbling within. Forgive as Christ forgave you (Colossians 3:13).
26. Ignoring Self-Care
Maintaining your appearance, staying healthy, and caring for yourself is not vanity; it’s an expression of love. A husband who neglects his health or a wife who disregards self-care places unnecessary burdens on the relationship.
27. Forgetting the Sacred Nature of Marriage
Marriage is more than romance; it’s a sacred covenant before God. Malachi 2:14 calls your spouse your “partner in covenant.” When you treat your marriage as sacred, you handle it with respect, forgiveness, and patience.
Final Thoughts
Beloved, none of us is flawless. Even the most loving couples will stumble. However, wisdom lies in recognizing and quickly addressing those lapses. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. With God at the center, and with daily purposeful love, your marriage can feel like a slice of heaven on earth.
Psalm 127:1 reminds us: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.”
So let’s commit our marriages to the Lord, steer clear of these pitfalls, and consciously choose love every day.
Which mistakes do you think couples often make without realizing? Share this with your spouse or another couple—this could save a marriage today.
Please share this widely until it reaches every man. Someone’s home might be saved as a result.
#MarriageWisdom #PastorBisiAdewale #WisdomForCouples #familyboosters
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