Navigating the Challenges of Failed Moderation Strategies

Have you ever found yourself struggling with moderation and feeling like you’re not making any progress? Kate faced this exact challenge. She had promised her family she would moderate her drinking, but she couldn’t seem to get it under control. After her husband reminded her that their pact stated if she couldn’t moderate, she’d need to quit entirely, Kate confronted a harsh reality: moderation just wasn’t an option for her. However, what she learned next would not only reshape her relationship with alcohol but also change her life in ways she never thought were possible.

If you find yourself in a similar situation with failed moderation attempts, consider following Kate’s journey and explore This Naked Mind for insights! You can download the first chapter for free right now!

Growing Up in the Culture of Alcohol

In Britain during the late ’60s and ’70s, alcohol was widely integrated into the culture. Although I didn’t see much of it at home—my father wasn’t too interested in it, but my mother kept sherry and wine tucked away. She would sneak sips when she thought nobody was watching. I found this pretty thrilling! Sometimes, she’d let me taste it, calling it a “tonic” to make it sound harmless.

I really enjoyed the flavor and the light buzz it gave me. Naturally, being a responsible mother, she’d limit me after a sip or two, which was always disappointing—I was around 10 at that time.

Tragically, my mother died in a car accident when I was just 18. By then, I had already developed a love for alcohol. It became a part of my social identity, even at that young age. I embraced a carefree lifestyle, often drinking wine with friends while we prepared for our A-levels (exams before attending university). Everything about drinking appealed to me: the taste, the sense of sophistication it brought, and how well it fit with the life I imagined.

A Memory That Echoed Through Time

When we went through my mother’s things after her passing, I distinctly remember discovering bottles of alcohol hidden in coat pockets. It was an impactful moment. What did it signify? At that moment, I wasn’t certain. Looking back, it was ironic. Years later, I would find myself doing the same thing—hiding bottles to keep others from seeing how much I drank.

It’s intriguing how these patterns develop unnoticed until much later…although I certainly recognized them eventually! Acknowledging family patterns related to alcohol played a crucial role in my journey toward recovery.

When “Normal” Drinking Felt Off

In university, it seemed like everyone drank the same amount. I realized I liked drinking a lot, but didn’t the majority? It wasn’t until later that I recognized my relationship with alcohol was more intense and different from others.

A boyfriend I had between 20 and 25 had a significant impact on my drinking habits. He was older, a mature student, and he made it a habit to buy beer daily and drink it at home—regardless of what was happening around him. Wanting to blend in, I began a similar routine: I’d grab a bottle of wine, consuming most or all of it alongside him.

This wasn’t exactly a bonding activity; we each had our own supplies and drank separately. It was almost like we were drinking alone!

Drinking in Australia

After that relationship ended, I traveled to Australia as a backpacker, where my drinking habits became even more pronounced. Despite the carefree vibes of backpacking, it was clear my drinking was “different.” Others noticed too.

For me, drinking was not merely a social activity; it felt essential. I needed to drink when I wanted and as much as I wanted. If anything interfered with that, I became angry, resentful, and fed up. Looking back, it’s evident this wasn’t a temporary phase but the beginning of an alarming pattern.

Hidden Bottles and Broken Trust

It became glaringly obvious that alcohol was a problem when I became pregnant. I consciously chose to stop drinking. But later, while raising my small children, I started to find sneaky ways to drink. I gathered with other mothers who also enjoyed a drink (and there were plenty around).

Even so, I began to see that my relationship with alcohol was excessive. I got irritable when others didn’t drink as quickly or as frequently as I did; to me, they seemed dull.

Around this time, I started hiding alcohol. My tolerance had skyrocketed; I needed more to feel the same effects, so I created increasingly clever hiding spots. I couldn’t help but remember my mother’s hidden bottles, realizing I was mimicking her actions.

By this point, the warning signs were evident. There were numerous “events”—being caught by my family, making a fool of myself socially, and disappointing those closest to me. My husband and kids bore the brunt of my choices.

The Cost of Addiction

In my mid-50s, my drinking nearly cost me my relationship with my daughter. She feared having me around, worried her friends might see me intoxicated. She would say things like, “You love alcohol more than your family.” Another painful comment was, “How can I invite you to my wedding when I can’t trust how you’ll behave?”

She wasn’t wrong; there were times when I prioritized alcohol above everything else.

During the COVID pandemic, it became painfully clear how much control alcohol had over me. Even in isolation, I found ways to get it. That realization was a significant wake-up call—it wasn’t just a habit; it was a priority in my life.

The Father’s Day That Altered Everything

A pivotal moment occurred on Father’s Day 2021. My husband wanted to enjoy a barbecue and a couple of beers after working in the yard, but I couldn’t wait. My drinking had escalated, and hangovers were harsher; I started drinking earlier in the day.

Incredibly, I concocted a story about encountering friends during a bike ride that afternoon, saying they offered me some wine, but in reality, there…

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There were no friends. I had been drinking alone and fabricated an entire story to hide the truth. When I got home inebriated, I had an excuse ready, but it was all false. It was evident that I was drunk. The entire day was ruined!

It’s hard to acknowledge, but alcohol took precedence over Father’s Day, my husband, and my kids. I had become manipulative and deceitful. It’s a terrible truth to face, but it is the reality.

The Eye-Opening Intervention

Following the Father’s Day BBQ incident and a few other distressing events, my husband and daughter confronted me. They insisted I either stop drinking or seek help. My daughter made it clear that I couldn’t remain in her life if I didn’t take action. My husband, who had been relatively quiet until this point, fully supported her. He started recommending recovery programs and Alcoholics Anonymous. He even talked to our family doctor about my “out-of-control drinking.”

That was my biggest wake-up call. The people I loved the most were building emotional barriers to protect themselves from me. The responsibility was entirely mine, and I recognized it then.

When Moderation Fails: Seeking Alternatives

I refused to listen. I told them I wouldn’t go to AA or any recovery program. I was convinced I could carve my own path to “recovery” through education, knowledge, and empowerment. So, I turned to Google and found This Naked Mind.

The title caught my attention immediately—it wasn’t simply about quitting but about “managing your relationship with alcohol.” This struck a chord with me. The thought of quitting felt daunting—almost like losing a best friend. I wanted to be a moderate, “normal” drinker.

Even after diving into the content and realizing how sensible it was, I held onto the idea of moderation. Following my family’s confrontation and reading the book in July 2021, I entered a period of trying to moderate my drinking. Yet, I failed time and again. Many like me struggle with moderation, just as I did.

When Moderation Became Unattainable: Next Steps

The breaking point arrived when I was once again caught hiding alcohol. I had promised my husband I wouldn’t do that. He reminded me that if I couldn’t keep my promise, I had agreed to quit altogether. Clearly, I had failed.

Here’s what to do when moderation attempts keep failing: accept that moderation might not work for you. Alcohol wielded too much influence over my life. It was no longer something I could handle casually. In hindsight, I see it now—alcohol had become more than just a drink; it had become a crutch and a job. I understand this clearly now.

If you’re wondering what to do when moderation fails, grasping the science behind alcohol can dramatically change your perspective.

The Science That Liberated Me

On August 26, 2021, after years of habitual drinking, I finally removed alcohol from my life. I had convinced myself that my cherished wine was vital for unwinding, socializing, fitting in, celebrating, and even sleeping. This change was entirely due to This Naked Mind and Annie Grace’s research-driven, compassion-centered approach. It guided me to face the reality of alcohol, confront my deep-seated beliefs, and realize that by adjusting my mindset, I could effortlessly kick the habit. I didn’t need to depend on sheer will.

Reading This Naked Mind made me aware that I was imprisoned by my own beliefs about alcohol. I had convinced myself that it was crucial for my existence. However, TNM showed me that with a new mindset and a redefined relationship with alcohol, I could change my behavior sustainably and naturally. I didn’t need willpower.

Understanding My Stagnation

I lost my desire to drink because I realized alcohol no longer benefited me. It served no real purpose other than to harm me. I explored how alcohol kept me trapped. Learning about liminal thinking enabled me to challenge my views and reshape my beliefs.

I started trying alcohol-free living, achieving small wins, and building confidence with each step. Through increased awareness, curiosity, and self-compassion, I found clarity and healthier ways to think and live.

I joined a 5-day program and eventually enrolled in the year-long Path course in December 2021. By then, I had been alcohol-free for four months, but I was aware of how much more there was to learn. My ultimate aim was complete freedom—not just from drinking, but from the emotional attachments and mental grip alcohol had on me.

Awakening to Life in The Path

My time in The Path was genuinely transformative. I didn’t just awaken; I came ALIVE. I gained priceless insights and discovered new joy and purpose in life. The supportive community I found continues to be a close circle of friends today. It was undoubtedly the best choice I ever made.

Life After Alcohol

My current life is nothing short of amazing. After completing The Path, I trained to become a This Naked Mind Coach, helping others experience the freedom I’ve attained.

My family has wholeheartedly accepted me back. I’ve earned their respect. My daughter is now my closest friend and couldn’t be prouder of her mom. My son has become both an ally and a business partner—after I got certified as a This Naked Mind and ALP-trained coach, he launched an all-in-one platform to aid new online coaches. The ripple effect has been nothing short of remarkable.

Having met my husband in Australia, we’re now navigating life as empty nesters, rediscovering our shared passion for global travel. Over the past 18 months, we’ve explored the Galápagos, the Amazon, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Hawaii. I cherish the moments watching the sun rise and set each day. I rise before 6 a.m. every day to maximize every moment.

Thriving, Not Just Surviving

I now serve as an Alcohol Freedom Coach, operating my own online business and managing two vibrant communities. I work with clients, appear as a guest on podcasts, speak on panels, and collaborate with others who share my vision. This allows me to promote the transformative message of the This Naked Mind methodology that changed my life.

Alcohol no longer controls me. I live authentically, peacefully, and happily, fully embracing the life I was always destined to lead. Achieving liberation from addiction is genuine.

I’m looking ahead with excitement—both personally and professionally. My business keeps growing as I continue to merge…
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My enthusiasm for wellness, coaching, and travel has shaped a rewarding life for me. As a Fitness Instructor and former Social Worker, I combine my knowledge of wellness and personal growth to support others. Additionally, I am a passionate runner who enjoys 5K Park Runs, I play golf, love reading, and embrace lifelong learning. For me, personal development is an ongoing journey.

Today, my focus is on thriving, not merely existing. I am incredibly thankful for every moment and especially for discovering Annie Grace and This Naked Mind.

What to Do When Moderation Attempts Keep Failing: A Message to Anyone Still Struggling

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to stay aware and curious about all the possibilities. I would also stress the importance of practicing self-compassion and maintaining an open mindset. It was essential for her to break free from her comfort zone, to try new things, and to welcome uncertainty.

I have learned that our survival instincts frequently keep us in a constant state of stress or anxiety. I would advise her to remain grounded and focus on what feels right in a meaningful and progressive way.

Most importantly, I would tell her to deeply examine her habits. Those habits did not define who she was. She possessed the ability for significant, life-changing transformations, and I would want her to trust in that potential.

Lastly, I would reassure my younger self that she is sufficient exactly as she is. There is no need for artificial enhancements to navigate or enjoy life. I wouldn’t focus on when the change occurred, but rather on the fact that it happened when she was ready—and that is what is truly important.

If you find yourself wondering what to do when moderation efforts continue to fail, I genuinely understand your feelings. But please know this: freedom is attainable, transformation is genuine, and you have the power to build the life you deserve. Join countless others who have liberated themselves from alcohol’s influence and uncovered true joy.

Are you ready to embark on your journey to freedom? Download the first chapter of This Naked Mind to explore the science-based approach that transformed Kate’s life—and the lives of hundreds of thousands of others globally.

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