The main question is: why am I sharing my journey with depression now? It wasn’t my plan when I reached out to Jose. I came across his post about Creatives Against Depression, and the phrase that struck me was, “you are NOT alone.” For quite some time, I’ve wanted to advocate for raising awareness about depression, in appreciation of the exceptionally kind professionals who guided me through it. That phrase really resonated with me. I contacted Jose to see how I could contribute, and he requested a post detailing my experience with depression. While I’m hesitant to glorify my past struggles, I’m certainly not ashamed of them anymore — though I used to be, especially when I felt isolated.
If you’re battling depression, you know the relentless cycle of negative thoughts that haunts you. You might think things like, “I’m worthless,” or “No one could possibly be as messed up as I am.” You might feel that if people could see the turmoil inside your mind, they would simply be horrified.
One counselor — whom I wish I could thank publicly — set me on my path to healing with one enlightening truth. She revealed to me that everyone has their problems. You might have heard that many times, and yet never truly believed it. You tend to think others have it easier; their issues seem trivial compared to yours. This counselor understood I wouldn’t accept this immediately. She recognized that my skepticism was the barrier to my recovery. She shared real stories of struggles that others faced and patiently nurtured that belief within me. She gave me guidance for my journey. Recovery can be an arduous and lengthy process. Initially, I didn’t recognize the value of that guidance, but looking back, I now know I wouldn’t have even started without her support.
‘If you’re battling depression, you know the relentless cycle of negative thoughts that haunts you. You might think things like, “I’m worthless,” or “No one could possibly be as messed up as I am.”‘
Fast forward to today: I’ve transitioned careers and have been invited to partner with a different law firm. I’ve gained respect and recognition in my community. I’ve worked hard to keep my struggle with depression hidden. Now, my new firm wants to secure a life insurance policy for me, which requires me to meet with a very prominent financial advisor in my area to fill out the application. He’s been hired at the request of my new partners. For him, a term life policy is entry-level work, and he will have access to all my medical information. When my application inevitably gets rejected due to my past with depression, he will have to explain that to my new partners — and worse, he knows everyone I do in the business sector. I felt trapped.
As we settled into the conference room and started answering questions about my medical history, he noticed my anxiety. He insisted that I must answer honestly; otherwise, the coverage could be denied, which compelled me to do so. Reluctantly, I shared my details. When he started reading, he paused, set his pen down, and opened up about his own struggle when he found himself crying naked on his kitchen floor, and his wife had to help him. He shared how he felt hopeless but found pride in overcoming his battle, and it was clear he was also impressed by my journey. With cycling as a new passion to boost my mood, my health had greatly improved. My application ended up being approved with a preferred rating. The belief I had nurtured was now fully blossomed.
In total, I’ve faced depression three times over the last 15 years. Counseling, a remarkably patient primary care physician (whom I also wish I could publicly thank), and, thankfully, effective medication (don’t hesitate to take the meds) have all contributed to my healing. However, without that initial insight — the knowing that I’m not alone, that everyone has their quirks — I might not have made it. Each depressive episode added to my understanding, and my recoveries became swifter and more complete each time.
It’s true: you are not alone. Embed that belief in your mind.
P.S. If you’re feeling incredibly low while reading this: I can’t express how grateful I am to be alive. Once you heal, you’ll find life filled with appreciation, free from the dread of dying, where even the simplest moments become delightful and the memorable ones start to feel like miracles. That’s precisely how we were meant to experience life.