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This is a guided meditation designed to help us recognize our inner voice of self-judgment and how we perceive our shortcomings. It aims to foster compassion and affirm our inherent worth.
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully aware of our current experiences with an open mind, curiosity, and acceptance of reality. It means focusing on the present as it truly is, rather than how we wish it were or how we imagine it might be. Often, we find ourselves wishing things were different, which can include our difficult feelings—like fear, grief, regret, and that critical voice that sometimes makes us feel insignificant.
Self-compassion is understanding that despite our imperfections, we can still care for ourselves.
Understanding Self-Compassion versus Self-Esteem
Let’s discuss the idea of self-compassion, which is distinct from self-esteem. There seems to be a widespread issue of self-judgment today, with many people being overly critical of themselves and plagued by negative internal dialogues. Unlike self-esteem, which often depends on external validation to feel good, self-compassion acknowledges our flaws and affirms that it’s okay to make mistakes or face challenges. We can still recognize ourselves as fundamentally worthy individuals, allowing us to connect with compassion for ourselves despite our imperfections.
The wonderful aspect of mindfulness is that it helps us become aware of our self-critical thoughts, which we can identify as “judging.” Through mindfulness, we enhance our self-awareness and emotional regulation, gaining all the benefits that come along with this practice. When these negative thoughts arise, mindfulness enables us to observe them without becoming overly involved.
I like to use the analogy of catching a train—when a powerful thought occurs, we may find ourselves lost in it and realize later that we’ve been distracted for quite some time. However, once we recognize this, we can choose to get off the train or avoid boarding it altogether, letting the thoughts pass by.
Meditation to Address Our Self-Critical Voice
- Get Comfortable. Start by finding a relaxed position that feels good for you, keeping your back straight without being tense. Place your feet flat on the floor, your hands resting on your lap, and either close your eyes or glance downward to avoid distractions.
- Become Aware of Your Breathing. Take a few deep breaths to help you relax further. As you breathe deeply, envision welcoming relaxation into your body. For this moment, try to let go of any worries you may have, leaving them behind as you focus on being present.
- Concentrate on Your Breath. Pay attention to your abdomen—notice if it feels tight or tense. If it does, take a deep breath to release that tension. Observe your body relaxing, including your hands, shoulders, jaw, and face. Be curious about any sensations, both external and internal.
- Be Present in This Moment. Bring your awareness back to your breath. Notice where you feel it most prominently in your body. You might feel your abdomen rising and falling, or your chest expanding as you breathe. You may also feel the tingling sensations at your nostrils as air comes in and out.
- Shift Your Focus to Surrounding Sounds. Next, direct your attention to the sounds around you. Listen sequentially to each sound, allowing yourself to simply hear them without getting caught up in stories about what you’re hearing.
- Choose Your Focus Object. Select an anchor for today’s meditation. It could be your breath, a specific part of your body, or the sounds around you—whichever resonates most with you works well. If you’re uncertain, just choose one; it doesn’t have to be perfect.
- Acknowledge Your Body Breathing. Observe your body’s movements with each breath, whether it’s your abdomen, chest, or the air flowing through your nose. Acknowledge the sensations without judgment.
- Remain Attentive to Your Breathing Sensations. Allow yourself to focus on your breath, feeling the rhythm of inhalation and exhalation as best as you can.
- Label Wandering Thoughts. As your mind begins to drift, recognize when you’re caught up in thought. Gently say “thinking” or “wondering” to bring your focus back to your breath or chosen anchor. Keep repeating this whenever your mind wanders, as it highlights how mindfulness can help manage self-judgment.
- Recognize Judging Thoughts. Be aware of self-critical thoughts that may arise, labeling them in a gentle manner like “judging” or “criticism.” This practice helps to clarify the nature of these thoughts, which are a normal part of the human experience. These judgments aren’t personal; they arise spontaneously, such as thoughts about comparison or past mistakes.
- Observe Self-Critical Thoughts. Use your mindfulness practice to notice these thoughts without passing judgment on yourself for having them. Just take note of when judging occurs; you may find it beneficial to count each instance.
- Track your thoughts. As you engage in this practice, try to identify the various types of thoughts you have, such as “judging 1, judging 2… judging 20.” If you start thinking about other topics, feel free to label them as “planning,” “remembering,” “imagining,” and so on.
- Embrace self-kindness. While practicing, ensure you approach yourself with kindness. Stay curious and reflect on your mind’s fascinating nature without self-criticism. Keep a nurturing and inquisitive mindset throughout.
- Evaluate your meditation experience. In the final moments of your meditation, consider how you are managing the awareness of your breath and the patterns of your thoughts. Ask yourself questions like, “Did I get carried away?” “Did I return to my breath?” or “Did I linger on the sidelines once or twice?”
- Were there many judgmental thoughts? I hope you maintained a compassionate attitude towards yourself during these judging thoughts, if they arose.
- Conclude with gentleness. To finalize, we will engage in a brief kindness meditation. Focus on your current feelings and think of someone dear to you who brings you joy. This could be a close friend, a child, or a beloved pet. If no one comes to mind, you can think of someone you admire whom you’ve read about.
- Recite kind phrases. Mentally repeat these phrases (or create your own): May you feel safe and secure. May you find happiness and peace. May you enjoy good health. May you experience ease.
- Extend kind wishes to loved ones. Project these affirmations and heartfelt feelings towards that special person. Notice how it feels to send them these well-wishes. Picture them reflecting those sentiments back to you: May you be safe and protected. May you be happy and peaceful. May you be healthy and strong. May you embrace yourself just as you are.
- Absorb the kindness. Envision this kindness flowing through your body, wherever you might be. Can you offer yourself compassion in this moment, regardless of your circumstances? May I hold this with gentleness. May I treat myself with compassion. Take a deep breath and see if you can center kindness within yourself, in a way that resonates with you: May I accept myself as I am.
- Gently open your eyes. When you feel ready, you may open your eyes at your own pace.
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