Navigating the Challenge: Embracing Support When Your Child Faces Substance Use Issues

Do you ever feel as though people are judging you because of your child’s struggles with substance use?

Would you like some tips on how to feel better about it?

Recently, I shared an addiction-related meme by Tanya Stanley in my Facebook group for parents.

(If you’re a parent of a child facing substance use challenges, I encourage you to join the group.)

The meme resonated with many parents who felt the same way. The feeling of being judged often leads to increased shame and stigma.

This is the impact of addiction on families. When judged, the pressure can add to the stress of an already challenging situation.

I remember my own experiences with my kids and their substance use issues. While I had some supporters, I knew there were others who might have been judging us. It’s a deeply painful experience.

Feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness often come about when you perceive judgment from others. This can drive parents to isolate themselves, making it harder to overcome addiction.

Terms like enabler or codependent can be hurled at parents by family or friends who believe they are intervening too much. Such labels do nothing to alleviate the burden a parent feels.

The less we label others, the better it is for everyone.

To judge, according to the dictionary, means: “To form an opinion or estimation after careful consideration” or “One who assesses the worth, quality, or appropriateness.”

We all know people who pass judgment. Many of us have done it ourselves.

Completely avoiding judgment from others is impossible. Substance use is a tricky issue, and people have traditional opinions about what should be done. Unless someone has gone through your experience, they cannot fully understand, can they?

If your family is facing substance use challenges, you will likely feel judged at times. A fresh perspective may help you cope more calmly and effectively.

Here are six strategies to support yourself.

1. Stop judging yourself.

Unless you were directly providing drugs or alcohol to your child, having a child with substance use challenges is not a reflection of your parenting. Countless families are in similar situations, so remember that you are not alone. It’s essential to stop being overly critical of yourself.

You might realize that there are aspects you could improve in your approach to helping your child evolve. Most often, you may be harsher on yourself than others are. While it may seem like judgment is coming from outside, often, you are your own toughest critic. Aim to let that go and instead practice self-compassion.

2. Don’t surrender to the fear of judgment.

People frequently judge others because they are scared that something similar might happen in their family.

Despite worries about what others think, focus on choosing the right steps for your circumstance. Often, feeling judged can diminish your self-confidence, draining your energy to help your child effectively.

Especially during the initial stages, when your friends and family might not fully understand your actions, it’s vital to manage your fear. Allowing fear to guide your decisions can lead you astray, as those choices are often not the best.

While judgment can be hurtful, its impact only exists if you let it. Unfortunately, stigma and shame are tied to substance use disorders. However, over time, you will find that rising above the fear of judgment will be better for your well-being. Shift your energy towards your child’s welfare as this is the healthiest path forward.

3. Trust your knowledge of your child.

Others may have their own views about what actions you should take regarding your child’s addiction issues. They might suggest you are being too lenient or too tough. But you know your child better than anyone else. You understand what drives them to use substances. Empower yourself with knowledge on how to support your child. Instead of listening to potentially unhelpful advice from others, trust your instincts on the best approach.

It’s common for parents to receive unsolicited advice, such as insisting that a child must hit rock bottom. However, we now understand that such views can be damaging.

Numerous research-backed strategies exist that those unfamiliar with substance use might not be aware of. Take the time to educate yourself and follow what resonates with you. Every situation is distinct, even if there are similarities.

You know your child best and are capable of helping facilitate positive change in their life.

4. Don’t let others dictate your feelings.

You can’t prevent others from judging you. Instead, channel your energy into self-care and staying focused on the present.

Though challenging, you have the power to choose your feelings. Having a child grappling with substance use is already stressful; there’s no need for others to amplify that stress.

If you need to, take a break from those who pass judgment on you. Avoid criticizing yourself or feeling responsible for your child’s struggles.

Strive to remain in the present moment and concentrate on today. This will help block unproductive negative thoughts.

5. Embrace your situation and yourself.

It’s impossible to control what others think, say, or do. At the same time, have faith that you are doing your utmost in a tough situation.

Work on accepting yourself and acknowledging your child’s circumstances. Try to care less about external validation from others. Gaining this acceptance takes time, but it’s crucial for your well-being and that of your child.

Making mistakes is part of the journey when you’re trying to assist your children. The more knowledge you gain, the better equipped you’ll be. However, it’s important to remember that as parents, you’re not meant to “fix” your child. Keep in mind that you’re doing your utmost.

It’s much simpler to offer advice when you’re not living with the situation daily. People who aren’t involved in the issue can’t possibly understand the anxiety surrounding a child’s safety.

6. Seek supportive relationships.