“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most vital element in effective communication. It’s the foundational aspect that sustains all relationships.” ~ Stephen Covey
I recently conversed with a mother facing difficulties with trust.
Her son, Kyle, is in his early twenties and is currently completing a treatment program for his meth addiction. His journey has been challenging, as he has experienced numerous relapses, causing frustration for his mother.
Last spring, Kyle decided he was ready to stop using meth. After all the chaos he had encountered, he felt prepared to quit. He participated in an outpatient program and was making positive strides, even securing a job and considering furthering his education.
One night, Kyle asked his mom if he could borrow the car to visit friends. Initially hesitant, she ultimately agreed, given his recent progress. He returned home on time and remained sober. The following weekend, he again requested to go out, and everything went smoothly. By the next week, he asked to see some old high school friends, and his mother felt confident enough to say yes.
However, he didn’t return home that night, and when he came back the next day, his mother realized he had used meth again. She felt devastated and did not want to witness her son relapse.
After a few more instances of drug use, Kyle consented to enter an inpatient program. He is now prepared to begin the next phase: sober living. Unfortunately, his mother is once again anxious about his future and wonders if he will adhere to his recovery plan.
Can you relate?
Have you faced similar challenges with your child’s recovery journey?
Sending your child away for treatment can feel like a significant relief.
It allows you to step away from the exhausting and tumultuous experience of distrusting your child.
It is a crucial moment when your child is ready to seek help.
Nevertheless, the day will come when your child, like Kyle, completes rehab. They might return home, move into sober living, or strive for independence. As that day approaches, your anxiety may resurface.
Thoughts about your child reverting to substance use might rekindle feelings of worry and stress.
So, how can you rebuild trust after experiencing multiple disappointments? It’s essential to recognize that your child needs to regain your trust. Although this often occurs, it is rarely instantaneous.
“Once you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
As a parent, you can assist in the journey to rebuilding trust.
Here are five suggestions to help you reestablish a positive relationship with your child.
Be patient.
Rebuilding trust takes time. It’s normal to feel skeptical about your child’s actions during the first year or at least the initial months. Your trust will gradually return as your child demonstrates consistent positive behavior. Don’t expect trust to rebuild overnight; it may require several months before you feel secure in trusting them again. Allow for a patient process, as your child is also on a journey to trust themselves again.
Maintain open communication.
Spend quality time with your child and engage in honest conversations. Sharing thoughts kindly and respectfully encourages them to do the same. Positive communication fosters a supportive environment conducive to change. Recovery varies for each individual, so consider asking your child how you can assist them in their journey, if appropriate. Use open-ended questions to minimize defensiveness.
Allow your child to take the lead.
While it may be tempting to oversee your child’s recovery, this is a crucial time to take a step back and let them take charge. Avoid asking them intrusive questions about meetings or their recovery status. Through treatment, your child has likely identified what change means for them.
Communicate your trust in their ability to make healthy choices. This approach increases the likelihood of them meeting your expectations.
Remember that past dishonesty and harmful behaviors served a purpose. The change journey allows your child to practice honesty, and as long as their behavior aligns with your values, there’s a good chance they will remain trustworthy.
Implement C.A.R.D.
In her article, “Rebuilding Trust in the Recovery Process,” Carole Bennett introduces an acronym to describe what family and friends should aim to experience as their loved ones strengthen their recovery:
C.A.R.D.
Credibility = trustworthiness
Accountability = responsible for
Responsibility = fulfilling obligations
Dependability = reliability
She states, “Addiction breaks a significant amount of trust. The collective “C.A.R.D.” indicates trust, and when credibility, accountability, responsibility, and dependability become regular occurrences, trust can begin to be rebuilt.”
Remember, this is a gradual process.
Avoid expecting perfection.
Change often comes with ups and downs. With the treatment your child has undergone, they may be more open to embracing change. Nonetheless, mistakes are part of being human. If your child slips, help them get back on track as quickly as possible. Appreciate the efforts they are making, as change takes time.
Everyone messes up sometimes. With continued effort, things should gradually progress positively. You can still foster trust with your child, even along this winding road.
Recognize your child’s achievements.
Trust grows when you observe a series of positive actions. Studies suggest that acknowledging good behaviors increases the likelihood they will continue. Look for the positive efforts your child is making. They are taking significant steps to transform their life. Supporting their progress with encouraging words or rewards will solidify their commitment to recovery. Your child needs your support now more than ever. As their momentum builds, so will your confidence in them.
After four months in sober living, Kyle continues to thrive. He and his mother have maintained close communication, and their trust in each other has strengthened. They are both beginning to see light at the end of a long journey.
This article was updated in March 2025.
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