Understanding and engaging with challenging emotions can help lessen their grip on us. By gently acknowledging our inner experiences, we can change feelings of shame, as illustrated by Patricia Rockman, MD.
Familiarizing yourself with a tough emotion is like exploring a new city—you approach it with curiosity and interest. Take your time uncovering this “new territory,” rather than trying to learn everything at once. As you confront feelings of shame, you realize that it’s possible to endure uncomfortable emotions, which will eventually fade. Over time, this practice fosters resilience, self-awareness, and trust in yourself—the best counters to the self-criticism that shame can provoke.
Unexplored thoughts and feelings become larger and more frightening when kept hidden in the dark.
Whether you’re currently grappling with feelings of shame or have long-stored shame that you prefer to ignore, are you ready to understand it better? Keep in mind that thoughts and feelings become more daunting when they remain unaddressed and concealed.
12-Minute Meditation: Change Shame into Self-Trust
- Find a comfortable position for meditation, closing your eyes if it feels right. Start by focusing on your body as it sits, paying attention to where it connects with the surface beneath you. Relax your jaw, let your shoulder blades slide down your back, and rest your hands on your lap or thighs.
- Shift your focus to the sensations of breathing at your abdomen. Notice your inhalations and exhalations, the rise and fall of your belly. Allow the breath to flow in and out of your body naturally as best as you can.
- Now, gently recall a moment or memory when you felt shame. It might involve something you did or something said to you by someone else. Approach this memory with caution, observing your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations.
- Without any need to change or fix anything, begin to explore what you’re experiencing right now. If specific thoughts arise, try to see them as fleeting sensations of the mind. If emotions surface, label them as they appear, saying to yourself, “Shame is present,” or whatever it may be, and sit with these feelings for a few moments.
- Next, direct your attention to any sensations in your body associated with these emotions. Explore these sensations with a sense of friendly curiosity, even if they are unwanted or intense, trying to understand them in this moment.
- If the sensations are particularly strong or challenging, tell yourself, “This is a time of difficulty. I can be present with this; it’s already here.” If it helps, breathe into those sensations, expanding as you inhale and softening as you exhale, remaining with these feelings as long as they capture your attention.
- If it becomes overwhelming, remember you can always return your focus to your breath at the belly or open your eyes, stepping back from this practice. Otherwise, continue to stay with the sensations in your body…
- Now, return your focus to the sensations of breathing at your abdomen, feeling the rise and fall with each breath, inhaling and exhaling.
- When you feel ready, expand your awareness to your whole body, acknowledging any sensations and resting in a more open state of awareness, if that feels possible.
- Then, with the memory of shame in the background, ask yourself: Can I accept this as it is? (It’s present already.) Can I let it go? (It has already occurred.) Does this need my attention? Is action necessary? If so, what action? Can I change my perspective on this experience? Finally, gently open your eyes if they have been closed and conclude this practice.