30 Essential Questions to Help Clients Establish Boundaries in Therapy Sessions

Understanding how to set boundaries is a crucial skill in life. Boundaries help express our comfort levels to others and can foster a sense of safety, being heard, and gaining respect. However, establishing boundaries can be quite difficult for some. Individuals who tend to please others excessively or have certain mental health conditions might find boundary-setting especially challenging.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is associated with unstable relationships and heightened emotional experiences. Individuals with this condition often fear abandonment, which complicates their ability to set and maintain boundaries. Similarly, those with Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) face challenges with boundaries due to their dependence on others and struggles in asserting their own needs.

Certain personality disorders can hinder the ability to respect the boundaries of others. This includes conditions such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), autism spectrum disorder, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and bipolar disorder. The reasons behind these difficulties can differ, but they often create significant issues in varying aspects of the individuals’ lives.

Learning to set boundaries is a skill acquired over time. Individuals who grow up in environments with healthy boundaries usually develop a clearer idea of how they would like their own boundaries to function, making it easier to create and sustain these limits, ultimately leading to healthier relationships. Conversely, those who were not exposed to such environments may struggle with boundary issues. They might view others’ boundaries negatively, even when they are not intended that way, which can also diminish their confidence in establishing and enforcing their own boundaries.

Preparing for Your First Therapy Session Focused on Setting Boundaries with a New Client

Sometimes, it’s evident from the start that a client could benefit from learning about establishing boundaries in their life. They might express difficulties with balancing work and personal life or managing their roles in relationships. Before your first meeting with a new client, take time to review any paperwork you have received for indications that might suggest a need for boundary-setting.

Having relevant worksheets on hand can be beneficial during boundary-setting therapy sessions. TherapyByPro is a valuable resource for mental health professionals, providing a variety of tools and customizable worksheets. Examples of worksheets that can enhance boundary-setting discussions include:

Additionally, prior to meeting with clients, take a moment to check in with yourself. Engage in a light stretch, practice a brief meditation, grab a snack, or drink some water. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings so you can approach your new client with mindfulness.

What Questions About Setting Boundaries Should I Ask During Sessions?

Discussing boundary-setting questions with clients can help them explore the challenges or distress they are facing. Clients who find it difficult to pinpoint where boundaries are needed in their lives may find value in a values clarification exercise, which can provide insight into areas where their behaviors do not align with their personal values.

Questions for Setting Boundaries with Your Manager

Clients who struggle with workplace anger or maintaining a healthy work-life balance might benefit from establishing boundaries with their manager or employer. This can help define responsibilities and work hours, ensuring alignment among all parties. Here are questions you can ask your client regarding boundaries with their employer:

1. What are your thoughts on your current work-life balance?
2. Is there anything you would like to change?
3. Do you believe your job role is clearly defined?
4. How do you feel when asked to say “no” at work about tasks outside your regular responsibilities?
5. Do you think you’re able to voice concerns about work with your manager?
6. Are there boundaries you believe would enhance your productivity?

What has prevented you from establishing this boundary?

Questions for Setting Boundaries with Coworkers

Establishing boundaries with colleagues can also contribute to a healthier work environment. Without clear boundaries, clients might feel exploited, undervalued, or ignored. Here are some questions to help explore boundaries with your client regarding their coworkers:

7. How do you view your relationships with your coworkers?
8. Can you share how you handle conflict or frustration with coworkers?
9. Can you think of a boundary that you believe could improve your work environment?
10. Are you comfortable saying no to coworkers if you feel uneasy with their requests?
11. What boundaries do you think would enhance your relationships at work?

Questions for Setting Boundaries with Your Parents

A client’s boundaries with their parents may differ based on their age. Young adults and adults typically enjoy more independence than adolescents. Nonetheless, establishing boundaries with parents remains crucial for developing healthy, trusting relationships. Effective boundaries can help clients feel respected and autonomous. Here are some boundary-related questions you can pose regarding their relationship with their parents:

12. How would you describe the boundaries you had with your parents during your upbringing?
13. Do you feel that your parents honor the boundaries you set?
14. Can you give an example of a boundary that helps maintain a healthy relationship with your parents?
15. Are there additional boundaries that you would like to implement with your parents?
16. What challenges have hindered your ability to set boundaries with your parents? Factors might include being financially dependent, living with them, or fear of their judgment.

Questions for Setting Boundaries with Your Partners

Establishing and maintaining boundaries in romantic relationships can lead to healthier and more supportive connections. Boundaries can relate to privacy, intimacy, communication styles, and financial matters. It may be beneficial to review effective communication techniques so clients can confidently express their boundaries. Here are questions you might ask:

17. What boundaries do you consider important in your relationship?
18. How do you feel your boundaries are respected in your relationship?