Are you worried about your child’s addiction?
Would you like to explore some helpful strategies that other parents have used?
Addiction is a serious challenge.
It can tear families apart, leaving them feeling powerless and unsure of how to assist.
Some advice suggests that parents should distance themselves, separate, or allow their child to reach a low point. However, many parents find this approach harsh.
A few years ago, I was introduced to the Community Reinforcement and Family Training Approach (CRAFT). Over time, CRAFT has become part of the broader Invitation to Change framework.
What I have learned through CRAFT has profoundly impacted my personal journey and has been invaluable in my support of other parents seeking help. CRAFT equips you with the tools and resilience you’ll need to handle your child’s addiction effectively.
Here are some key insights I’ve gained from CRAFT:
- As parents, we can provide support… there’s no need to detach, separate, or banish our child.
- We can bring KINDNESS, optimism, and effective strategies rather than constantly expressing anger, fixating on negatives, and worrying that nothing will improve.
- We can approach CRAFT tools with optimism, as these techniques are grounded in scientific research, not just outdated advice or personal opinions.
CRAFT offers a method for families to assist a child dealing with addiction. Understanding that you don’t have to abandon your child can be a comforting realization. Many parents have successfully utilized CRAFT tools to facilitate change in their children. This approach provides options and avoids a one-size-fits-all mentality.
You can implement CRAFT strategies during your child’s battle with addiction, and these methods can also aid in the initial stages of recovery.
Here are some reflections from parents after learning about CRAFT:
- “I wish I had discovered CRAFT sooner; I could have supported my child much better.”
- “I prefer this approach far more than the ‘tough love’ mentality.”
- “It was so refreshing to hear professionals emphasize the vital role of parents rather than labeling us as enablers.”
CRAFT and similar research-driven solutions should be accessible to any family member worried about a loved one’s addiction.
Here are 10 suggestions to assist with addiction struggles:
1) Focus on your resilience through self-care practices.
Through CRAFT, I have come to realize the importance of self-care for both me and my child. As a parent, my needs are just as important as those of my child and the rest of the family.
Every parent possesses unique strengths. Consider the 70/30 principle: you already hold 70% of what’s needed to help your child. You are a whole, resourceful, capable, and creative individual. The remaining 30% comes from educating yourself about substance use and identifying the most suitable approaches for your family. You are equipped to foster your child’s transformation.
Observing your child’s struggle with addiction can be incredibly tough. Cultivating your resilience through consistent self-care is essential. It’s challenging to shift your focus from your child to yourself, but you’ll be more effective in aiding your child when you reduce your own stress and fatigue. Striving for resilience can serve you well when challenges arise. Your ability to recover and be strong will assist you through this trying period.
2) Manage your emotions effectively.
Dealing with addiction can evoke various intense emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, it can lead you into a negative cycle. By becoming more aware of your emotions, you can better support your child.
Practicing self-care can help you maintain emotional balance. Take breaks when necessary and establish personal boundaries to regain control over your surroundings.
3) Encourage discussions using open-ended questions.
Questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no can feel more like an interrogation and less like an open conversation. This can lead to your child becoming defensive and shutting down. Instead, framing questions to stimulate conversation can help. Queries that start with “What” or “How” often encourage a more engaged dialogue. Be cautious with “Why” questions, as they can evoke defensiveness and may feel more like criticism.
For genuine change to happen, we need to redirect our focus from the “whys” to the “hows” and “whats”—focusing on what needs changing and how we can achieve that. ~ Jeffrey S. Nevid Ph.D.
4) Recognize and appreciate your child’s efforts.
Seeing your child struggle with addiction can be draining. It may be difficult to remain patient in acknowledging any progress. However, recognizing your child’s efforts can significantly impact their willingness to change.
By pointing out your child’s strengths and any positive steps towards a healthier lifestyle, you create an environment that encourages change. Failing to acknowledge what your child is doing well is wasting an opportunity.
It’s beneficial to take notice of your child’s good behavior, regardless of their age.
5) Utilize the “Information”…
Using the “Information Sandwich” Technique with Your Child
When dealing with your child’s battle with addiction, it’s natural to slip into a didactic or confrontational tone. You might find yourself speaking “at” your child rather than with them. The “Information Sandwich” method can make it easier for your child to be open to your message.
Start by asking for permission. Imagine this as knocking on your child’s door before entering.
This approach encourages your child to engage in the conversation, increasing the likelihood they’ll listen. When you ask first, it fosters a collaborative atmosphere, making it feel like you’re working together to tackle the issue. If your child isn’t open to a discussion at that moment, don’t force the issue. Wait for a more suitable time—preferably when they are sober and you’re feeling calm.
If the moment feels right, briefly convey your thoughts or questions, then check if your message was clear.
Here’s how the “Information Sandwich” works:
- Request permission to talk: (For example, ask, “Can I share a thought?” or “I have an idea I’d like to discuss.”)
- Present your information or question.
- Follow up to ensure your message is clear: (You could ask, “Does that make sense?” or “Do you have any questions?”)
6) Consider Your Understanding of the Dialogue.
Reflecting on what your child is saying shows empathy toward their situation. When you paraphrase or restate your child’s comments, it signals that you are truly listening. Acknowledging their words or feelings helps them feel heard.
This reflection aids you in gaining insight into your child’s emotions, allowing for a deeper understanding of their experiences. There’s no downside to this practice; if you misinterpret, your child can clarify, facilitating better communication.
After any discussion, consider asking yourself:
- What insights did I gain about my child from this conversation?
- How did my child seem to feel?
7) The 7 Elements of Positive Communication to Assist with Addiction Issues.
Keep these seven principles in mind to enhance your communication with your child.
Here are the 7 elements of effective communication:
- Be Concise – It’s tempting to explore every aspect of the problem, but aim to stay focused and express your points clearly and briefly.
- Be Specific – Point out particular behaviors rather than making general statements that may be hard to act on.
- Be Positive – Highlight what you want to see, instead of what you don’t want.
- Express Your Emotions – Calmly communicate your feelings without blaming your child, using “I” statements.
- Provide an Understanding Statement – Greater empathy leads to less defensiveness.
- Accept Partial Responsibility – This can be challenging, but acknowledging even a small share of the issue shows your child that you are in this together. It doesn’t imply that the problem is solely your fault.
- Offer Support – Provide encouragement that fosters recovery, without enabling your child’s continued substance use. Each situation may require careful judgment.
Related: Leveraging the Power of CRAFT
8) Understand Your Child’s Behavior.
Surprisingly, your child may feel rewarded through their drug or alcohol use because it serves as a coping mechanism for them. Take the time to understand their reasons for resorting to these substances.
Try not to take their behavior personally; it’s often more reflective of their emotions than your relationship. Increased empathy can enhance your ability to collaborate with your child.
9) Use Reinforcement to Alleviate Addiction Challenges and Inspire Change.
Your child is more likely to change their behavior when you apply positive reinforcement, a fundamental strategy of CRAFT that promotes desired behaviors.
This approach contrasts with detachment and punishment, which tend to be less effective. Positive reinforcement is distinct from enabling; while enabling may unintentionally encourage substance use, reinforcement nurtures healthy behaviors. By recognizing and rewarding positive actions, the likelihood of those behaviors reoccurring increases.
Make sure to provide praise or surprises only after the desired behavior has happened, not before.
Rewards should be timely, consistent, and related to what your child will appreciate. Here are some suggestions for acknowledging your child’s positive actions:
- a hug
- personal time
- a gift card
- special dinner
- movie outing together
- additional video game time
- privileges
- car usage
- a break from chores
- the chance to sleep in
- acknowledged accomplishments or progress
Select rewards that truly resonate with your child.
10) Embrace Natural Consequences.
Allowing natural consequences to occur can be an effective way for your child to learn and improve their life choices. This approach is often more beneficial than punishment or enabling behaviors.
When considering natural consequences, always prioritize your child’s safety along with your comfort level. For instance, you could allow your child to miss work following a night of heavy drinking instead of waking them up. Similarly, you might choose not to make excuses for their school absences. Use good judgment to determine what aligns with your circumstances.
You can transform challenging situations into opportunities for growth. Research indicates that family support is one of the leading factors motivating individuals to seek help for substance use issues. Many parents have successfully guided their children toward positive change.
You can play a crucial role in assisting your child through their battle with addiction.
Your child can achieve recovery.
Thank you for taking the time to read. To explore more, please refer to the research-based resources.
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Click here for more information about The Compassion Antidote: A Guide to Support Your Child Struggling with Substance Use.
