From “I Can’t Control My Drinking” to Total Liberation

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I can’t limit my drinking” while gazing at an empty wine glass, despite a promise to only have one? Tammy deeply understands this struggle. After three decades of what seemed like moderate wine drinking that spiraled into nightly binges, this mother of three felt ensnared in an unbreakable cycle—until she found a way to achieve complete freedom that not only changed her relationship with alcohol but transformed her entire life.

The Origins of My Drinking Habit

As a child, I didn’t see alcohol as an issue. Reflecting on it now, I realize that what I considered “normal” drinking was based on what I observed at home. There were no obvious negative outcomes, so alcohol appeared to be enjoyable and just a part of adult life.

As I became more aware of my drinking habits, I truly enjoyed it! I overlooked the moments when my binges caused harm to myself or could have jeopardized my safety and that of others. I have carried the weight of shame for those incidents throughout my life, even during the times I tried to forget them.

Over 30 years while raising our daughters with my husband, my wine consumption gradually increased. Life felt manageable and normal until an unexpected event changed everything.

When Everything Crumbled

Things escalated when I discovered my husband’s affair in 2013, just before our 25th wedding anniversary. The betrayal was heart-wrenching. I asked him to leave, and suddenly I was on my own raising our three daughters—ages 15, 17, and 20 at the time.

That’s when I found myself at home every night, consuming too much wine. I never got openly drunk; thankfully, I never drove under the influence or faced a DUI. I continued to fulfill my role as the capable mom I’d always been, but was less careful in the evenings when no one could see me.

After two years of this pattern, I managed to significantly reduce my drinking and even started running and getting fit again. My alcohol intake lessened, and I reconnected with an old friend and neighbor who was also navigating a divorce. He had three sons and had been sober for six years. We began spending time together, and I continued to drink less.

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The Pandemic as a Turning Point

Then the pandemic struck, and everything shifted again. Our entire blended family came back home at different times during 2020 and 2021. We had five young adults, one teenager, and two dogs all living together! It was chaotic but initially enjoyable, with day drinking and pool parties becoming the norm.

After nine months in this environment, I began waking up tired and hungover every day. It became unbearable, and I felt unable to moderate my drinking anymore. This realization terrified me, as I understood I needed to take action but felt utterly powerless.

Toward the end, I was determined to reduce my pinot grigio intake, yet every night, I found it impossible to stop after just one glass. It felt like a constant battle in my mind, repeating “I can’t limit my drinking.” I started to view three glasses as acceptable—almost standard—when looking back, it’s clear how skewed my perspective had become.

Discovering the Path to Freedom

I stumbled upon Annie Grace’s podcast and learned about her book during my initial attempts to quit while listening to another podcast called Recovery Happy Hour. Hearing her book was revolutionary for me. I listened to it twice while running, walking, driving, cleaning, and cooking.

Her book completely changed my perspective! There’s no way I can unlearn what she taught me. I felt empowered by her insights in ways I never imagined possible. The scientific insights into alcohol’s impact on the brain helped me see that my struggle with “I can’t limit my drinking” was not a personal fault but rather a common biological reaction.

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Living Life Vividly

Now I feel excited about everything! I love waking up before the sun, meditating, and writing. I previously believed I wasn’t a morning person, but I’ve realized how wrong I was.

I’m taking writing courses and joined a Writing Your Recovery group with women from around the globe. I’m traveling to women’s conferences and actively engaging in our six children’s lives as they begin to marry. I look forward to being a sober and involved grandmother one day!

I am researching my family history and planning to write a second book about my early California ancestors who arrived in San Diego when it was still part of Spain in 1769. The creative drive within me now is something I never experienced while drinking.

The Ripple Effects of Change

I believe my decision to quit drinking has significantly impacted our six children. (Did I mention I married my new partner? We did!) Two of our three daughters have notably reduced their alcohol intake, and our youngest daughter, at 26, recently celebrated 14 months of being alcohol-free! The three boys have also cut back, demonstrating how our parental choices resonate through generations.

I once thought my old life was fulfilling, with a loving husband, six wonderful kids, a nice home, and all the material possessions I wanted. However, this new, alcohol-free life has made me realize I was missing one crucial element: myself! Now that I have rediscovered who I am, it truly feels like a brand new, beautiful world.

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Message to My Past Self

If I could share one vital message with my younger self, it would be: You are enough. You are loved and accepted just the way you are. Trust me—alcohol doesn’t make you more interesting, fun, or deserving of love. Let go of the guilt associated with believing that “I can’t control my drinking”—because the reality is, it’s not meant to be controlled, as it is designed to be addictive.

The person you are destined to become is already within you, just waiting to break free. She is imaginative, vibrant, fully present, and strong. She greets the day with enthusiasm, rises early, writes, explores, loves deeply, and shows up for those who mean the most.

That amazing woman is you, and she has been waiting for you to choose her over the drink.

Tell Your Story

Have you transitioned from “I can’t control my drinking” to “I’m free!” thanks to our books, the app, the podcasts, or any program from This Naked Mind? We invite you to share your journey here and inspire others along their path!

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