In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective. ~ Dalai Lama
It is never too late to start a self-care practice.
When parents discover that their kids are experimenting with or dependent on substances, they want to do all the right things so their kids stay healthy and they feel less anxious.
I’ve been there and wanted the same things for my family.
Family dynamics, however, play a role in your child’s decision to use. It is essential to clearly understand the underlying issues.
Next, lay the foundation of change by taking care of yourself. That way, you can continue to be a help to your child.
As they say on the airlines, put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. This is precisely what you need to do when you are dealing with your child’s drug or alcohol problem.
You can support your child’s change by being a role model.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel better?”
Here are some tips for answering that question. These ideas will help keep your life in balance during this stressful time:
Start with your own self-care
Working on yourself is one of the best places to start when you are concerned about your child.
It is essential to look at the family dynamic, genetic link, child environment, trauma, mental health, and early use. These are all factors that play into why your child started down this road. Understand your role in your child’s use. You are not the cause, but family members all have a role to play.
Get support and/or seek professional help. Go with the understanding that you are there to fix yourself first. Then you can help your child.
Take Care Of Your Body
A brisk walk in the morning can set the tone for the day. It can also be a nice way to end the day. Physical exercise can be an important element in your life — yoga, running, and walking are activities to consider. Others include rowing, Pilates, swimming laps, or tennis.
You can use your body to help heal your mind. Practice your recovery like you want your child to practice their recovery. Part of that is taking care of your body.
Do you want your child to be physically fit? Be physically fit yourself.
Take Care Of Your Brain
Breathe. Consider taking up a meditation practice. Start small with baby steps. Everyone can sit quietly for one minute. Start there. If you want to know how meditation can benefit you, read How Mindfulness Meditation Can Lead to a Happier Life and 14 Powerful Posts to Start You On Your Own Meditation Practice.
Meditation can help stop the constant mind chatter that keeps you worried, anxious, and stressed about your child’s future. Meditation is a tool that can help your child heal. Try it and see if it helps you, too.
Sleep
Lack of sleep is a problem we all must address when stressed. To help with sleep, Andrew Weil has a great breathing technique called 4-7-8. It helps to relax you. It even helps you fall back asleep at night.
- Exhale through your mouth.
- Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for a count of four.
- Hold your breath for seven counts.
- Exhale for eight counts.
- Repeat the sequence three times.
Embrace A New Dream For Your Child
Know that the dreams that you once had for your child are now gone. That sounds harsh, I know. Unfortunately, it is the truth. Your child will never be the same. Neither will you.
You can, however, have a different dream for your child. This dream can be bigger and better than you expected. Your child may grow and change in ways you never knew were possible.
So many in recovery evolve into new, confident, amazing people. Someone who has risen above the ashes to live their life with meaning and purpose. For that to happen, they need a parent who has risen above their own ashes and changed their life, too!
Write About Your Feelings
Writing in a journal can help you in immeasurable ways. Consider taking a few moments each day to write your feelings in a journal.
A journal is a great place to release anger, frustration, and fear. It can be a source of new ideas, a place to record quotes or things you want to remember. It is one of the keys to your inner being, a doorway to your innermost thoughts. Consider taking up a daily writing practice or writing a few times a week.
If your child is in a treatment program, they will most likely be writing about their feelings and experiences. Expressing our feelings is helpful. Give it a try. You may find it helps you as well.
Give Your Other Children The Attention They Deserve
Your child with drug or alcohol issues often receives most of the family’s attention when their addiction has taken over. Your struggling child can end up center stage, with the rest of the family focused solely on their problems.
If you have other family members, especially other children, don’t cut them short of the attention they deserve. They didn’t ask for their sibling’s addiction. It can be challenging, but do give them as much attention as possible.
Give them your undivided attention each day. Keep their life as stable as possible. If you understand why substance use entered your family the first time, your other children will hopefully be able to dodge the bullet of substance use.
Laugh And Smile As Much As Possible
You may not always feel like it, but do it! Generally, look for the good. It will make you feel better.
Thank you for reading. You can get more tips in my email newsletter. Every other week, I share tips and ideas to help parents motivate their son or daughter to change if they are struggling with substance use. Join us by entering your email now.