This wave of sorrow was genuine. I felt sorry for sober me, missing out on all those anticipated joyful gatherings. Moments of carefree joy where I would have indulged in too much champagne and shared knowing glances with fellow revelers are now behind me.
I mourned the days when I could let loose, forget my worries, and dance the night away.
This feeling lingered for a couple of minutes as I quickly reminded myself of my reality and all the positive aspects of my life. While it was a real emotion that I can still recall three days later, it didn’t deter me. I didn’t even briefly consider going back to drinking, but I can’t deny that the pang of sadness was present.
Although the event was formal, it had a laid-back vibe with drinks flowing, vibrant lights, and a DJ spinning great tunes, creating a lively atmosphere. I took charge of my drink choices from the very beginning, opting for fizzy water in a champagne flute, which felt quite satisfying. I later switched to lemon, lime, and bitters, and then ginger beer.
Reflecting back on my earlier sadness, I found that the night unfolded pleasantly.
I was completely unfazed by others indulging in alcohol. I didn’t wish for a drink, nor did I feel awkward or out of place. I enjoyed engaging conversations and met some lovely individuals, feeling perfectly fine overall. However, it wasn’t going to be the ultimate night out, as aside from Mr. D, none of my close friends or family were present. They were not my tribe.
After four hours, as people started to dance and let loose a bit too much for my taste, I felt ready to go home. Although the scene wasn’t unpleasant, I felt very sober and was starting to tire. My feet were aching, and I was all talked out. So, Mr. D and I bid our farewells and left.
I drove home, removed my makeup, and enjoyed a solid eight hours of sleep. I woke up this morning feeling great—no hangovers, guilt, or lingering sadness about my choice to stay sober.
I’ve come to terms with being a non-drinker. I’m okay with the fact that I won’t be partying carefree with alcohol in my system again. What I have gained through recovery far outweighs any fleeting moments of sadness that might arise. I cherish the feeling of being grounded and connected to myself, my children, my family, and my true friends. I love having trust in myself in any situation. Everything is just fine.
Besides, rooftop parties in New York could very well be overrated.
With love, Mrs. D xxx