I vividly remember when I decided to stop drinking; it felt as if I had been transported to another world entirely. I moved as if trapped in a heavy spacesuit, finding it challenging to connect with others or even feel comfortable in my own skin for any amount of time.
I swung between various emotions – one moment I was overwhelmed with sadness, then angry, anxious, and then bored. Any slight problem sent me into a flurry of activity as I searched for some answer to ease my discomfort.
Oh no, I’m feeling down! I need something to lift me out of this sadness!
Yikes, I’m fuming! Help me handle this anger!
Ugh, I’m so bored! What can I do to escape this boredom!
I was constantly looking for quick fixes. Instant answers. Simple solutions. That’s what I was accustomed to. My habitual response to any feeling (especially the tough ones) was just a drink away. Alcohol was my trusted companion, my go-to for solving problems, my favorite remedy.
Once alcohol was removed, and life still unfolded around me, my biggest challenge became learning to be at ease with my feelings and to stop scrambling for quick answers. To put it frankly, I had to learn to relax and slow down.
This is the essential adjustment in achieving sobriety, in my opinion. This is what quitting drinking fundamentally involves. Once we eliminate our liquid escapism, we must learn to accept whatever arises – as uncomfortable as it may be – acknowledge it, allow feelings to exist as they are, trust that they will evolve, and just take a breath.
It might sound simple, but in reality, it was far from easy, and I must admit it took me quite some time to get there. However, now, six years after my last drink, I find myself much more at peace than I ever was. I have become accustomed to experiencing the full spectrum of my emotions. I no longer seek out anything to help me cope with my struggles. I have relaxed.
There’s a wonderful saying in mindfulness: “respond, don’t react,” which serves as a perfect mantra for those on the path to sobriety. When we are caught in active addiction, our responses are typically reactive, driven by immediate emotions. The downside of this is that we don’t pause to allow our wiser, calmer selves to step in. In contrast, responding involves taking a moment to assess the situation, allowing us to act in a more thoughtful and composed manner.
Living reactively is fast-paced and stressful. Living responsively is gentle and nurturing.
Leading a boozy lifestyle is hurried and tough. Living sober is soft and gentle.
This is the crucial shift. It requires time and effort. However, keep in mind that the longer you stay away from drinking, the more naturally you will adapt to a more responsive way of living.
Trust me, it’s a beautiful state to be in.
Much love, Mrs D xxx