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Have you ever been coerced into drinking by family members, even when you really didn’t want to? For Ronna, alcohol was a regular fixture, not just something for celebrations. At just 12, she was offered a beer and told she was now an adult. In her upbringing, alcohol, marijuana, and secrets were common, but so were music, creativity, and a strong sense of independence. As a touring musician and a pastor’s wife, Ronna navigated two contrasting worlds, each pushing her to conform. Here is her journey of unraveling these beliefs, discovering her own truth, and quitting alcohol for good.
Trigger warning: This article includes mentions of childhood exposure to alcohol and suicide.
Growing Up in a Drinking Culture
In my family, drinking was never something to hide; it was handed to you with a grin. At 12, my aunt gave me a Coors Light and said, “You’re an adult now.” I recall plugging my nose and forcing it down just to fit in. From a young age, there was family pressure to drink, and it never truly felt like I had a choice.
It wasn’t just about alcohol, either. I grew up in a hippie home where my aunt cultivated marijuana in the garden. Shockingly, I didn’t realize we were breaking any laws until I got pulled over in high school with my cousin. I thought that was just how families operated. It took me years to comprehend how unique my upbringing was—and how much shame it brought along with it.
I began to believe drinking was part of my heritage. My mother was an alcoholic, as was my aunt. Being a Native American woman, I was told this was my fate. “People like us drink,” they would say. I accepted that idea, believing I would end up the same, but perhaps if I was fortunate, I could stop short of needing rehab.
Touring, Drinking, and the False Sense of Freedom
By 18, I was independent and performing in bands. Touring was my norm, and alcohol was everywhere. If we didn’t earn money for a gig, we at least got complimentary drinks. It became a cultural staple. I thought it was enjoyable, but in hindsight, it was anything but.
I recently reread some of my old tour journals, and I was struck not by wild tales or performances, but by the underlying anger. I didn’t realize how resentful I was at the time. I was always frustrated with my bandmates, attempting to control everything and numbing my feelings with alcohol and chaos. It was a turbulent lifestyle that haunted me for years.
The environment I came from normalized this behavior, presenting it as enjoyable. Yet beneath the surface, I felt lost and completely disconnected from who I was.
From Motherhood to Minister’s Wife: Leading a Dual Existence
Meeting my husband while touring in Europe significantly changed my path. Sharing a Christian faith prompted me to stop drinking during my pregnancies. I adhered strictly to all guidelines—avoiding caffeine, sleeping on my left side, and being diligent about my health. I wanted to ensure my babies’ safety, so I avoided alcohol for several years.
However, when family visited from abroad, they would suggest, “Just one glass of wine with dinner. It’s harmless.” I still remember how comforting that first sip felt. I convinced myself that I could manage it. But slowly, old habits returned. One glass on a Friday led to wine pairings with Wednesday dinners. Before I knew it, I was drinking daily again.
Adding to the complexity, my husband was a pastor. We served in churches where drinking was looked down upon, so I concealed my habits. I hid cans in paper bags, always made sure the recycling looked tidy, and kept my drinking under wraps because I felt compelled to do so. That secrecy, layered over existing shame, nearly consumed me.
The Pandemic and the Breaking Point
When COVID struck, everything fell apart. We were confined with our adult children, grieving losses, and uncertain about the future. I found myself drinking every night—not for pleasure, but to quiet my thoughts and help me sleep. My sister-in-law took her life, and ten days later, my mother passed away. The grief was overwhelming.
I attempted to hold everything together, carrying my family’s sorrow alongside my own. But by the end of each day, I reached for a drink—or three. I became physically ill, emotionally exhausted, and spiritually empty. I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
That was when I discovered This Naked Mind.
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The PATH Changed Everything
I had tried the Reframe app and other resources, but something about This Naked Mind resonated with me. The 30-Day Alcohol Experiment helped me understand I wasn’t alone, and that alcohol was actually the problem, not me. Yet, it was The PATH that truly altered my life.
The PATH is a science-based and compassionate program that helps you minimize the role of alcohol in your life. With 15 live coaching sessions every day and a robust support network, you won’t find this level of assistance anywhere else.
If you’ve ever felt coerced into drinking by family or trapped in a cycle you can’t escape, The PATH can offer support.
What impacted me most was grasping the science behind alcohol. It wasn’t a moral failing or linked to my Native heritage. I wasn’t broken—it was merely an addictive substance. That realization marked the start of my liberation.
Embracing Confidence in Sobriety (and Toastmasters)
Once I gained clarity, I craved more from life. I joined Toastmasters, despite my anxiety about public speaking, enrolled in college courses, and explored new skills and hobbies. I began to see that I was more than just the woman who toured in bands, concealed beer cans, and lived in shame.
A significant part of my healing through The PATH was recognizing that I could redefine my own story. I didn’t have to be confined to the narrative handed down by my family. That wasn’t my destiny—I could choose to stop drinking.
And…
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