It has been over 50 years of struggling with emotional and mental health challenges for me. Among all the issues I’ve faced, dissociation stands out as the most frightening. So let’s dive into the realms of derealization and depersonalization, which can feel like a descent into madness.
Experiencing just a single episode of derealization or depersonalization can make anyone eager to search the internet for explanations and help.
That was my experience. However, in those days, I had to rely on libraries and bookstores since the internet wasn’t available.
I originally shared this three-part series 14 years ago. Since derealization and depersonalization are frequently discussed topics today, I’ve decided to revisit and update it. The original comments are still included.
Let’s move on to part one…
What are derealization and depersonalization?
Undoubtedly, derealization and depersonalization (DD) are among the most terrifying experiences related to emotional and mental health.
As I mentioned, I’ve faced both of these issues, and they can be incredibly overwhelming and debilitating. Believe me, they can make you feel like you’ve lost your sanity.
DD usually manifests as dissociative symptoms linked to other disorders. Nonetheless, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) recognizes a specific diagnosis for depersonalization/derealization disorder.
Derealization
Derealization involves a distressing feeling of unreality and a sense of disconnection from your surroundings. During an episode, you can see and understand everything around you, but it feels like you’re in a different reality entirely.
When derealization occurs, you often become deeply anxious about how to cope and seek help. The fear of losing control—over yourself and your mind—is central to the experience.
My first encounter
I can recall my initial experience with derealization vividly. I was nine years old, visiting friends with my family.
We were gathered around the kitchen table when I caught sight of one of our host’s hands. He was missing a finger, and just like that—boom! Derealization struck, and I was completely bewildered.
My instinct kicked in, and I swiftly left the table, heading for the bathroom. In reality, I wanted to run away—forever.
As a child, I faced several similar incidents, and it returned during my junior year in college. This issue fluctuated throughout my early 30s but has not troubled me in many years.
For the record, I mark my junior year in college as the starting point of my profound emotional and mental health struggles.
Depersonalization
While derealization affects your perception of the external world, depersonalization represents a disturbing shift in how you perceive yourself.
I first experienced depersonalization during that memorable junior year in college. I distinctly remember entering the house that my friends and I shared and seeing a photo of us from a party. There was a guy in the center of the back row who seemed familiar. I knew who he was but at the same time, I didn’t. And yes, it turned out to be me.
Much like derealization, I struggled with depersonalization until my early 30s, but it hasn’t been an issue for years now.
What causes derealization and depersonalization?
“With 8 billion people in this world, I can’t be the only one suffering from this. Does anyone understand what causes it?”
Unfortunately, the precise causes of emotional and mental health issues remain unclear. That’s just the nature of the brain.
Nevertheless, there are non-biological and biological influences—triggers, contributing factors, predispositions, and scientifically supported theories—that can be helpful to understand.
Contributing factors
We’ll explore the causes in greater detail in part two, but let’s take a look at some of the key factors now…
- The two primary non-biological contributors to DD are trauma and long-term stress and anxiety.
- Derealization has been linked to traumatic childhood experiences, with its severity corresponding to reported childhood abuse.
- DD can be markers for various emotional, mental, and even physical conditions: borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, schizophrenia, substance abuse and withdrawal, hypothyroidism, neurological seizures, and more.
- There seems to be a connection between DD and experiences like near-death situations and out-of-body occurrences.
- Recent findings have pinpointed specific brain cells and circuits involved in triggering dissociation. This led researchers to identify a unique rhythm in a part of the cortex associated with awareness generation.
Pretty insightful, right? Knowledge can empower us and provide support.
Stay tuned for part two
The series is underway, but there’s so much more to explore and learn. Knowledge fosters hope and healing—it has for me over the years.
As you anticipate part two, remember that while DD can be distressing, they don’t necessarily mean you’re at risk of needing psychiatric hospitalization, nor do they have to be a long-term concern.
Part two will be coming soon, so stay tuned.
Check out the diverse articles on emotional and mental health available here at Chipur.
After enduring more than a decade of struggles with panic, generalized anxiety, mood swings, and alcohol dependence, Bill discovered his true passion in helping others facing similar challenges. At 49, he entered graduate school to obtain counseling credentials and continues to serve through Chipur and various initiatives.