As many of you know, my son Nikolai passed away in November. My family is dealing with this incredible loss, and while everyone grieves differently, I’d like to share some suggestions for those who want to support someone in grief. The outpouring of love and support from our community has greatly helped us. If you’re looking to assist a friend or family member, here are a few tips that truly made a difference for us.
Helpful Suggestions
Provide Practical Assistance: Rather than asking what I need—especially in the initial months of grieving, when I may not have the answer—please consider offering tangible help. Our community organized a meal train, which was invaluable for us. Friends dropped off groceries, some inquired about our needs, and others simply brought essential items. Offering to help with errands or taking the kids somewhere can also be incredibly supportive. Small gestures often create a big impact, and every act of kindness is deeply appreciated.
Reach Out When Unsure: There are times I require space to work through my feelings, but that doesn’t mean I want to be forgotten. A simple text can make a huge difference. If I can’t respond right away, please don’t take it personally. We could even go for a walk or have a chat. Even if I don’t accept your invitation immediately, knowing you’re there for me means a lot.
Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Time heals all wounds” can unintentionally diminish my pain. Instead, acknowledging my grief without attempting to fix it helps me feel understood and appreciated.
Honor Their Memory: Remember my son. Share any memories you have. I want to know that he is still thought of. Celebrating his life instead of merely mourning his absence brings me great comfort.
Don’t Compare Griefs: Please refrain from comparing your pain to mine, as well as saying you understand—because, honestly, you cannot. Each person’s grief is unique, and even well-meaning comparisons can lessen what I am experiencing.
Listen Without Judgment: Sometimes I need to express emotions I can’t fully articulate. Having someone willing to listen without offering solutions or critiques is incredibly valuable. Just being heard can be quite healing.
To all who have supported me on this path, thank you. Your kindness matters immensely. If you’re providing support to someone in grief, remember that even the smallest act can lead to lasting effects.
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