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Are you worried about our sons facing addiction issues?
Would some constructive suggestions and actionable steps be beneficial?
What are some ways we can collectively aid our boys and young men in thriving?
While it’s essential to emphasize the challenges faced by women and marginalized groups, we must also acknowledge the issues some of our sons encounter. It’s crucial to address these concerns too.
If you frequently read my blog, it’s likely that your son is already dealing with substance use or related challenges.
Some of these suggestions might be ones you wish you had embraced sooner. However, we must focus on the present and utilize the resources we currently have. The encouraging news is that it’s always possible to initiate change. New skills and tools can enhance our communication and results.
Research has shown that a lack of a father figure tends to affect boys more adversely than girls, with long-lasting consequences. Fatherless sons usually lag behind their peers with engaged fathers in both academics and future career prospects.
Let’s explore a few ideas:
The consequences of divorce
In a previous article about the challenges boys face, I highlighted how many issues stem from the absence of an engaged father. Losing a father’s daily presence can be detrimental. While this can occur due to death, it is frequently a result of divorce.
When a father passes away, a child often views him as a hero and feels proud. However, in cases of divorce, fathers may distance themselves or be portrayed unfavorably by the mother. If parents separate before their son turns nine, 40% of those children may not maintain regular contact with their father. Single and divorced mothers worried about the impact of lacking a male figure can help their sons thrive by introducing positive male role models who can remain involved in their lives.
While growing up without a father can affect all children, the negative effects tend to be more pronounced for sons. Dads provide essential role models, offering structure and motivation. Boys without an active father may struggle with depression and develop issues with their self-identity.
Experts in parenting agree that early childhood is a particularly sensitive period, emphasizing the necessity of having both parents involved.
While divorce can be essential for parental well-being, the needs of children must also be prioritized.
The infants and toddlers who fared best following divorce were those who had shared parenting experiences with nearly equal involvement from their fathers.~ Warren Farrell
Overall, children from shared parenting arrangements showed better emotional, behavioral, psychological, and physical health, along with improved relationships with both parents, even amidst significant parental conflict. ~ Linda Nielson
Your adult son may still carry the scars of not having a father actively present during his upbringing. Encouraging him to articulate his feelings and consider family therapy can be beneficial.
Family dinner night
In his work, The Boy Crisis, Warren Farrell states that “family dinner nights are the most vital means of helping your son develop emotional intelligence.”
Research indicates that children in families that regularly dine together are less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as substance use, teen pregnancy, and mental health issues.
If you have a hectic schedule, even gathering a few nights a week can be beneficial. Breakfast or lunch can also be great opportunities for family discussions. Dinner conversations can provide insights into how your children are managing in school and allow them to share their feelings. Plus, it can be enjoyable!
Teenagers generally appreciate family dinners, with 80% stating that it’s when they most often connect with their parents. The key is creating an enjoyable atmosphere where children feel heard, free from criticism or conflict. These elements are crucial for what families should focus on.~ Anne Fishel
If your adult child lives nearby, it’s never too late to start family dinner traditions. You can read more about the significance of family dinners here.
Sports
Encouraging your tween or teen to engage in sports can be extremely beneficial. While it may be challenging if your child isn’t inclined towards traditional team sports, there are numerous alternatives like karate, swimming, golf, mountain biking, and running that are more individualized. Support your child in finding a physical activity they enjoy. The advantages are numerous, spanning both physical and mental health, as well as skill development and friendships with similar interests.
If your child has grown up, participating in sports might provide opportunities for activities together. Some parents have mentioned enjoying golfing or engaging in other sports with their sons. Maybe your son would join you for a run, or you could catch up over a game of tennis.
Hiking can also be enjoyable. Walking side by side offers a relaxed setting for conversation, allowing your son to open up more easily without the pressure of direct eye contact.
Regular physical activity enhances overall health. For kids, it’s vital for building strong muscles and bones. Physical activity also boosts mood and emotional well-being. Utilize natural settings and encourage your children to be active outdoors. Physical fitness is beneficial not only to your body but also supports your child’s development. ~ Michigan State University Extension
Being physically fit is not only crucial for a healthy body but also fosters dynamic and creative thinking. ~ John F. Kennedy
We can do much more to assist our sons who are facing challenges due to an absent father or other factors, but these suggestions provide a starting point.
A heartfelt acknowledgment to the fathers and mothers who support their children.
Now it’s your turn
What are your thoughts on how we can aid our struggling sons?
Sources:
This article was last updated on June 12, 2023.
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