Are you worried about the young men in your community and society as a whole?
Would it be beneficial to examine this issue more closely?
As the youngest in a family of four, I have three older brothers and am a parent to both a son and a daughter. Currently, I have four grandsons. Thus, the question of how boys can effectively navigate through life deeply resonates with me. I believe you might feel the same, particularly in regards to substance abuse and various challenges they face.
In discussions with families, I’ve observed a trend where mothers express more worry about their sons than their daughters.
For instance, in my experience, about 64% of the parents I’ve worked with are concerned about their sons’ substance use issues. This figure is nearly twice as high as the number of parents who raise concerns regarding their daughters.
“Men are more likely than women to use nearly all forms of illicit drugs, and men face a higher risk of emergency room visits or overdose deaths due to drug use. Generally, males show greater rates of drug and alcohol use or dependency compared to females across most age categories.” – National Institute on Drug Abuse,
Why are so many of our young men facing difficulties?
Sadly, young males are noticeably more involved in substance abuse, gun violence, and other forms of aggression, including school shootings. They also face higher rates of suicide. Yet, many of these young men have sisters who grew up in the same environment but do not encounter the same issues.
Teenagers and young men who face struggles often grapple with low self-esteem and social difficulties.
There’s a decline in the number of young men graduating from high school and college today. They are also at a greater risk of becoming victims of child abuse, serious violence, sexual assault, and domestic violence.
Various factors contribute to these issues, but the lack of an engaged father figure at home is one of the most significant.
The Effect of Father Absence on Sons
The absence of a father figure poses challenges for both girls and boys, but the risks are particularly pronounced for boys. Growing up without a dad means losing a crucial part of one’s identity, which can have long-lasting effects on their experiences and relationships.
“Boys without fathers often lack guidance on alternative ways to find purpose. Many experience a ‘void of purpose.’ In response, boys may turn to drugs, alcohol, or delinquent behavior to cope with their fears of inadequacy, or they may withdraw emotionally.” – Warren Farrell
In the absence of a father at home, it becomes challenging for moms to impose discipline. As a result, children might prioritize their desires over their necessary responsibilities. When boys face lax boundaries, they may struggle with impulse control. This contributes to their difficulty in delaying gratification and leads to shortened attention spans.
“The ability to postpone gratification is one of the most vital skills your son should develop.”– Warren Farrell
A child with inconsistent boundaries learns they can negotiate them and enhances their negotiation skills. They become adept at pushing limits until the parent finally reacts negatively. Warren Farrell expresses it this way:
“Often, the exhausted mom ends up shouting in frustration, ‘I said no!’ The child continues to push for what they want. The mother, overwhelmed, resorts to punitive measures that exceed the gravity of the offense. Out of guilt, she may fail to enforce these punishments, subsequently trying to win back the child’s favor, thereby inadvertently enabling the child’s manipulative tendencies.”–Warren Farrell
The Consequences
The consequences of not having an engaged father can be profound for boys throughout their childhood, teenage years, and beyond.
While some women choose to raise children alone, their children face fewer issues compared to those from divorced families but are still more likely to deal with delinquency, substance abuse, and depression (even when considering socio-economic factors).
“For instance, children from single-parent households are twice as likely as those living with both parents to encounter legal issues before turning twenty-five, over two and a half times more likely to struggle with substance abuse, and slightly more inclined to face mental health challenges.” – Warren Farrell
Substance Abuse
Although there’s no certainty, having an involved father significantly reduces the likelihood of substance abuse. Research indicates that a father’s active participation in a child’s life overshadows the importance of closeness with either parent, established boundaries, parental trust, or strictness. An engaged father’s role is more critical than a child’s gender, ethnicity, or background.
“Children without fathers are at a drastically higher risk for drug and alcohol addiction.”– U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.
“Children not living with both their mother and father show significantly higher levels of drug use.” – Hoffmann, John P. “The Community Context of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use.” Journal of Marriage and Family 64 (May 2002): 314-330
In summary:
“The crisis affecting boys cannot be resolved without addressing the primary issue concerning children in developed nations: the absence of fathers, particularly for boys.” ~ Warren Farrell
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