When inner conflicts and contradictions leave our minds throbbing, many of us take time to come to grips with ourselves and consider change. But many don’t — and pay the price. Why is self-acceptance important? Let’s connect some dots.
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Carl Jung
Preliminaries: I’ve been on this planet for 72 years, emotional and mental illnesses being traveling companions for 60 of them.
You wouldn’t have to be Carl Jung or his old buddy Sigmund Freud to know that inner conflicts and contradictions have frequently left my mind throbbing. The mystery is why I rarely came to grips with myself for the sake of self-acceptance.
It’s always on my mind — and the reason I wrote this piece.
Why is self-acceptance important?
Dr. Carl Gustav Jung
Take a moment to absorb the words of Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and psychologist Carl Jung…
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
What did Jung mean?
Before we get into Jung’s intentions, what does the quotation mean to you? Have you had personal experience with it? Maybe it’s a factor in your life right now.
As for Jung’s take, we can’t shoot him a text of inquiry, and I can’t establish context because I can’t find where, or in what, he said it. So that leaves us with speculation.
Analytical psychology
Here’s a great place to start. Jung developed analytical psychology (Jungian psychology or analysis), which, naturally, was his preferred form of psychotherapy.
According to Jung, the self is a major player in what he called a self-regulating psyche. He believed the way we see ourselves is limited and “modern man” had become detached from our true, instinctual nature.
That being the case, Jung thought that we need to listen to ourselves and discover who we really are and what we really feel. In his mind, we need to be guided by the self — an unconscious sense of our personality as a whole — to reach our full potential.
So we’re not surprised by Jung’s statement. But there’s that unfortunate “terrifying” part.
“Terrifying?”
“I can’t do this. I mean, all of my shortcomings and weaknesses — and what I’ve created to cover them: there’s no way I’m going to risk judgment and ridicule.”
Yep, that “unfortunate ‘terrifying’ part.” How do you feel about it being part of the package? Surprised? Frightened? Put-off?
Think about this…
Would you agree that a comprehensive self-assessment (coming to grips with ourself) has to precede the push for self-acceptance? And though it’s tempting to assess only our strengths and positive traits, that won’t fly.
As scary and intimidating as it may feel, we have to include our perceived negatives: the flaws, insecurities, fears, uncertainties, mistakes, regrets, and shortcomings.
I mean, if we’re going to do it, let’s do it right.
What’s there to be afraid of?
In his quest for self-acceptance, the young man above has committed to do a handful of self-assessment sessions. It seems he knows what he may be in for because he looks intimidated and scared. And look at what he said in the caption. He drops hints, but what do you think is on his mind?
When discussing the why’s of the fear, we typically don’t have to look any further than judgment. I mean, think of all the standards and expectations — from self, family, society — you’ve tried to meet or live up to since you were a child. And consider the idealized versions of yourself you created to hide perceived shortfalls.
And now you’re asking yourself to do a self-assessment that, in your mind, could expose you as the loser you believe you are. That’s a load and very scary, but explain to yourself or someone you trust why you can’t do it and survive. Bottom-line: to get the most from your life, you have to.
”It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta’ do it.”
Here I am at 72-years-old, encouraging you to face your fears for the sake of self-acceptance — the very thing I rarely did. Was I afraid? Lazy? In self-denial? Didn’t know how? Likely all of them. But what really matters is the hefty price I’ve paid over the decades. Don’t do that to yourself.
”It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta’ do it. You…
For more on acceptance, dig in to this Chipur article: “Why is acceptance hard for me?”
Thanks to the Society of Analytical Psychology and Elevate Society for the information.
I have an idea. Review the Chipur emotional and mental illness info and inspiration titles on the articles page — or by category below, right sidebar on desktop. I think we’ll both appreciate it.
After a decades-long wrestling match with emotional and mental illness, Bill finally found his professional and personal passion – life’s meaning. He wanted to lend a hand to those struggling as he did, so off he went to grad school at age 49 and earned his counseling credentials. He continues his service through Chipur and other projects.