By Pastor Bisi Adewale
I’ve encountered countless couples who enter my office feeling lost and asking, “Pastor, where did we go wrong?” They struggle to identify a single major argument, betrayal, or colossal error. Yet, somehow, the warmth of love has diminished. The passion has faded. The friendship has slipped away.
Intimacy in marriage doesn’t typically fade due to one massive storm. Instead, it wanes from small, unnoticed cracks—daily habits and attitudes that gradually weaken the connection between spouses. These issues may seem trivial, but if they go unchecked, they can smother love like weeds overtaking a garden.
Whether you are married, engaged, or still hoping for your future partner, I invite you to consider these 10 subtle threats to intimacy. May God open your eyes and assist you in mending your relationship.
1. Emotional Distance Under the Guise of “I’m Busy”
We often become so engrossed in work, church, children, and other commitments that we forget about the person we pledged to love and care for. A simple “How was your day?” or a heartfelt hug becomes rare. Bit by bit, we can feel like strangers living together.
2. Unresolved Grievances
A small hurt left unaddressed today can lead to bitterness tomorrow. Many couples choose to ignore their issues instead of confronting them. They may seem to move past it, but silent grudges linger in their hearts.
3. Absence of Physical Affection
Kisses become fewer. Hugs vanish. Holding hands feels awkward. Gradually, couples forget how to express love through physical touch. Affection isn’t just for the bedroom; it is essential for daily connection.
4. Overlooking Each Other’s Emotional Needs
Every heart craves love, affirmation, appreciation, and attention. When you neglect to fulfill your partner’s emotional needs, they may start to feel invisible and unloved—even if you provide for them materially.
5. Taking Each Other for Granted
In the beginning, you freely expressed “thank you” and “I’m sorry.” Now, you expect things without showing appreciation. You overlook your partner’s efforts. What once impressed you now barely registers.
6. Distracted by Devices and Social Media
You might be physically together but mentally apart, scrolling through your phones instead of connecting. Sharing meals becomes a silent affair, overtaken by notifications and social media. Unintentionally, your partner may feel ignored and alone.
7. Critiquing Without Support
While constructive criticism is necessary in marriage, constant negativity can make your partner feel they can never satisfy you. Endless complaints can crush their spirit and drive them away.
8. Emotional Infidelity
Sometimes the temptation creeps in quietly. You may find yourself confiding in a friend or coworker more than your spouse, sharing laughter and worries with them, causing your heart to split.
9. Forgetting to Enjoy Fun and Friendship
Marriage isn’t just about managing bills and duties. It should also encompass joy, playfulness, and shared fun experiences. When friendship fades, love can feel burdensome.
10. Losing Spiritual Connection
When couples stop praying together, their spiritual bond weakens. They begin to encounter life’s challenges separately rather than as a united front.
For married couples, it’s not too late to change course. God can revive what has grown cold.