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Are you feeling worried that your child might slip back into old habits now that they are sober?
Would you like some tips to help them stay on track?
As a parent, it can be challenging to feel powerless when your child faces challenges in their recovery journey. However, there are actions you can take to support your teenager or young adult and assist them in staying committed to their recovery.
Relapse situations can vary greatly, but they generally occur due to specific triggers. These might include withdrawal symptoms, unmanaged mental health issues, or a lack of support.
It’s wise to prepare for the possibility of relapse, so you know what to expect if it happens.
There are ways you can help your child lower their chances of relapsing and maintain their recovery.
Many parents are understandably overjoyed that their child has chosen to make positive changes. However, the early stages of recovery can be unpredictable for everyone.
Your child may face temptations from various sources—old friends, familiar places, or negative dynamics within the family can all serve as triggers.
Parents can make a significant difference in their child’s struggle with substance abuse.
Regardless of whether your child lives at home, independently, or in a sober living facility, your approach can significantly influence their ability to remain healthy.
Dr. Robert Meyers emphasizes, “When they stumble, let’s not judge them for having a few off days. Let’s start fresh and maintain that positive mindset.”
Here are some strategies to support your child during their early recovery phase.
1. Prepare for Potential Relapses.
Your child will learn about relapse prevention in their treatment program, and it’s beneficial for parents to engage in this planning as well.
It may feel awkward to discuss the possibility of a relapse, but it’s essential to address it ahead of time so that you both understand what to do if it occurs.
How do you want to respond in a way that encourages your child to return to healthy habits? Reacting emotionally or yelling in the heat of the moment can amplify your child’s feelings of shame. It’s helpful to think through your response ahead of time so you can learn from the experience and move forward positively.
Planning for a relapse is akin to having insurance. You hope it never happens, but having a backup plan provides peace of mind. This preparation will help lessen your worries and give you a greater sense of control.
Creating a space for open conversations with your child is crucial. Assess what went wrong and how improvements can be made.
It’s often said that “Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different outcomes.”
How can we avoid that cycle? What can I do to support you in living a healthier life?
According to counselor Pat Aussum, “Whenever you catch yourself wandering into ‘what if’ scenarios, gently bring your focus back to the present. Remember, circumstances can shift unexpectedly. There are many routes to recovery—though they might not be linear, progress occurs regularly.”
2. Address Your Own Anxiety
You might find yourself feeling persistently anxious about the possibility of your child relapsing. This anxiety often manifests as constant “what if” thoughts: What if he relapses, loses his job, or has to return to treatment? What if she never wants to quit? Such thoughts stem from fear of the unknown.
It’s important to communicate these feelings rather than keep them bottled up. Before discussing your worries, consider asking your child for permission so that you’re both aligned on the conversation.
Start a dialogue about your concerns. You might ask, “If I notice signs that might indicate a return to unhealthy habits, can I talk to you about it? Is that alright?”
Maintain a positive, calm, and hopeful attitude to keep both of you progressing on the road to a healthier lifestyle.
Here are some strategies from SMART Recovery for managing anxiety:
- Reach out to someone you trust. Inform your child when your anxiety is overwhelming and seek their support. This may involve asking them to stay on the line with you or coming over to help ease your mind.
- Engage in physical activity. Take a brisk walk, exercise on the stairs, or do jumping jacks. This way, you can channel some of that excess energy.
- Find a distraction—try coloring, knitting, or drawing. Repetitive actions like meditation can have a soothing effect.
- Find a quiet place to go. Challenge yourself to fully experience feelings of anxiety. Many people discover that facing anxiety directly can alleviate it.
- Practice deep breathing techniques. A common one is belly breathing. Lie on your back, inhale through your nose while watching your belly rise, hold your breath for a few seconds, then exhale deeply through your mouth, observing your belly fall. Repeat this until you feel more relaxed. Singing can also help regulate your breath if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed.
- Consider writing it down. Putting your thoughts on paper can relieve mental clutter. You might create a to-do list to help you organize your thoughts or maintain a journal to express what’s upsetting you.
- Focus on things you can control and take actionable steps. Organize your outfits for the week, plan your meals, or tidy your workspace. Tackling smaller tasks empowers you to manage larger ones.
3. Support Aftercare to Reduce Relapse Risks
Sober living environments provide excellent support for individuals in the early stages of recovery. If your child is nearing the end of their treatment program, ask the counselors for recommendations on sober living homes. Some programs may advise choosing a location at least three hours away from home to minimize past triggers.
Sober living assists in transitioning gently back into daily life. For instance, my daughter stayed in a sober living house for six months, with the requirement that the residents either pursue education or work part-time. The house had weekly meetings exclusively for members and established rules, like no male guests.
This environment can be a secure and supportive space where your child can gain confidence. It prepares them to confront the challenges of the outside world. Staying sober is particularly challenging for young people, and being the only one not drinking can feel isolating. Having housemates who are on a similar journey can significantly enhance your child’s chances of staying sober.
Aftercare should also encompass meeting with a counselor or recovery coach and attending regular meetings. Additional support can come from consistent exercise and a nutritious diet. The main idea is to establish a support plan that feels realistic and manageable.
4. Avoid Controlling Your Child’s Recovery Journey
It’s essential to remember that this recovery process is your child’s, not yours. While it might alleviate your anxiety to remind them about meeting attendance, counseling sessions, or job searches, trying to manage their recovery isn’t beneficial.
Living at home can work under certain circumstances, but if your child resides in a sober living facility, you might feel less compelled to oversee their recovery journey.
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When you’re trying to support your child in their recovery, it can sometimes lead to feelings of rebellion. This can create unnecessary tension, which is not ideal during such a vulnerable time. It’s important to exercise patience and allow your child the freedom to navigate their own journey towards motivation.
Rather than constantly reminding them, take the time to recognize their achievements. If you notice them making positive changes, acknowledge their hard work. This is also a great opportunity for rewards, like gift cards, special meals, or fun outings, which can reinforce their efforts to lead healthier lives. Making affirmative comments will help maintain a positive outlook.
5. Identify potential relapse triggers
Unfortunately, experiencing relapse can be a part of recovery from addiction.
It’s beneficial to identify potential triggers that might disrupt your child’s recovery, which can help you support them better. You might also want to discuss these with your child.
Consider these six questions if a relapse occurs, as outlined in Dr. Carrie Wilken’s article, “Finding Your Way Through a Relapse.”
Questions to Reflect On:
- What internal triggers (like feelings and thoughts) led to a return to previous behaviors? For instance, did feelings of loneliness arise from distancing yourself from friends who still use? Were you battling negative thoughts about your ability to change?
- What external triggers (such as work stress, conflicts with friends, or financial challenges) played a role in reverting to old habits?
- Once you’ve pinpointed these triggers, consider which ones can be changed or avoided.
- Reflect on your previous change plan. Was it detailed enough? Did you actively follow through with it?
- Did any unforeseen events occur that you hadn’t expected or anticipated as an issue?
- What were the biggest challenges you faced while trying to change?
6. Explore alternative options
Having a contingency plan for possible relapse can ease obsessive thoughts or anxiety. While this plan can remain adaptable, simply having it can provide some relief. Think about how you would put your plans into action if your child experiences a relapse.
If the relapse is significant, they might need to go to detox and re-enter a treatment program. For minor slips, if your child is ready to recommit to recovery, they could seek out support. A counselor, recovery coach, or sponsor can be crucial in assisting your child on their path to recovery.
Though relapse can be disheartening, it can also just be a minor setback. With a few simple steps, your child can find their way back to recovery.
7. Cultivate gratitude
Instead of focusing on setbacks, practice gratitude for your child’s achievements. Gratitude helps to keep making small strides towards a positive and healthy lifestyle.
Choosing to live in recovery takes great courage. Each day, your child faces the decision to embrace a new life without relying on drugs or alcohol.
Celebrate the progress your child has made in transforming their life. Encourage them to keep moving forward in their recovery. You’ll foster a more hopeful perspective by appreciating their accomplishments.
This article was updated on May 17, 2024.
Utilize research-based resources to support your child with kindness and compassion, which can facilitate positive change.
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