“`html
Last year, I shared a post stating, “Don’t marry someone solely for love; love alone isn’t sufficient for marriage. Other important factors must be taken into account.”
The post received various reactions on Facebook and WhatsApp.
While some people agreed that love isn’t the only consideration, others had a different viewpoint.
Many also inquired about what additional factors should be evaluated before marrying someone.
In this article, I aim to highlight the essential elements to consider beyond just love before you decide to wed.
The purpose of my original post was to ensure that people consider all necessary aspects before entering into marriage, thereby avoiding future regrets.
Many couples have married solely for love and later found themselves regretting that choice.
In their infatuation, they failed to see potential issues, but marriage often brings these to light. What are the factors worth considering before saying “I do”?
1. Love
Although I mentioned that love alone shouldn’t be the only reason to marry, that doesn’t diminish its significance.
Explaining the importance of love in marriage could fill a book. No marriage can endure without love over time. Without love, anger, frustration, and conflicts become common.
To illustrate love’s importance, an entire chapter of the Bible focuses on it (see I Cor 13). While love is a crucial pillar of marriage, just one pillar cannot support a whole structure; multiple pillars are necessary.
Thus, love is the first essential factor to consider.
Do you genuinely love this person?
Do you have real feelings for them?
Do they feel the same way toward you?
2. Compatibility
Another significant aspect is compatibility.
Incompatibility is a leading reason for divorce worldwide.
Compatibility means that two individuals can coexist harmoniously. For individuals from varied backgrounds, cultures, and experiences to thrive together, they must be compatible (see Luke 5:36-37).
Here are areas where compatibility is crucial for a potential spouse:
✔️ Spiritual compatibility.
Are your spiritual beliefs aligned?
Are both of you born again?
✔️ Purpose compatibility
Do you have a shared sense of purpose?
Are you both heading in the same direction?
✔️ Mental compatibility.
Are your intellectual frequencies similar?
Some people have outdated ways of thinking, while others are more progressive.
Some individuals cling to traditions that do not fit modern values. For instance, some believe a woman’s role is only in the kitchen.
✔️ Health compatibility
Do your genotype, blood type, and Rhesus factor align?
What is your genotype status? AS, SS, AA, AC, SC?
What is your blood group? A, B, O, AB?
What is your Rhesus factor? Positive or negative?
✔️ Personality compatibility
Research indicates that a significant portion of your actions are influenced by your personality type.
What kind of temperament do you have? Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic?
Many couples argue because they lack insight into each other’s personalities.
So, do your personalities mesh?
✔️ Sexual compatibility
Are your sexual attitudes, education, and experiences aligned?
What are your views on different sexual practices? Do they match with your partner’s?
✔️ Preference compatibility
This refers to shared hobbies and interests.
Are there common grounds?
Disparities in these compatibilities may lead to conflicts in marriage, and without it, emotional pain is likely to ensue.
Health incompatibility has caused many to face significant challenges, such as children suffering from Sickle Cell disease.
I know a couple who lost two of their three children to this illness after long years of yearning for them.
Lack of health compatibility, especially concerning the Rh factor, is a frequent reason for miscarriages.
3. The Will of God
Another factor to consider is the will of God.
What does the divine say about the person you’re contemplating marrying?
What is God’s stance?
The will of God in marriage refers to the individual God approves for you to marry (see Matt. 3:17).
That doesn’t imply that God has specifically crafted one person for you. However, as a follower of God, it’s vital to involve Him in your choice of a partner.
4. Good character
Some individuals find it hard to leave abusive relationships due to love.
These partners may inflict physical, emotional, or psychological harm yet the affected individuals often remain due to their feelings.
Sadly, this is how many end up in dangerous situations.
Thus, checking for good character is essential.
Your love for someone shouldn’t blind you to their character flaws.
A person’s character reflects who they truly are, and it’s what you’ll be living with after marriage.
If someone has a poor character, no amount of love can save you from suffering.
5. Suitability
Just as water seeks its level, shoes have sizes, and clothes fit differently, so must you consider suitability in marriage.
Not everyone is made for you. In Gen 2:18, the Bible states, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'”
Suitability means being capable, qualified, fitting, and appropriate for one another.
You can’t force a square peg into a round hole. Regardless of love, not everyone is the right fit for you, your personality, beliefs, goals, and aspirations. Find your match.
6. Agreement
The Bible poses an essential question in Amos 3:3: “Can two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” The answer is a definitive NO!
Agreement is defined as being of the same opinion or having harmony in thoughts, actions, or character.
There are key issues that couples must agree on for a successful marriage.
Consider a feminist and a non-feminist; their differing opinions on submission, leadership, and order could create significant discord if not reconciled.
In conclusion, understanding these six essential factors can guide you in making a well-rounded decision before entering marriage. Reflect on love, compatibility, divine will, character, suitability, and agreement to foster a lasting and fulfilling union.
“““html
What do you think will unfold? I’ll let you decide.
As a man, you aspire to marry a housewife—someone who will manage the household and care for the children. Yet, ironically, you may seek an ambitious woman focused on her career, hoping to make her stay at home. Sir, you’re inviting trouble!
A lack of shared aspirations can lead to conflicts and irreconcilable differences that, if not handled correctly, can jeopardize the marriage.
7. Compatibility
2 Corinthians 6:14 states, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
In Israel, farmers traditionally yoke two animals of the same kind, like two donkeys, to plow their fields. It’s crucial that the animals paired together are of the same species; you can’t pair a donkey and a sheep or a donkey and a cow, as that creates an uneven yoke.
Marriage acts as a yoke, binding two individuals of similar kind and purpose.
A believer paired with an unbeliever represents an unequal yoke because they are fundamentally different.
They have distinct natures and separate purposes. Many enthusiastic sisters have married non-believers, only to drift away from their faith. Their husbands deterred them from attending church and undermined their Christian lives.
The same can happen to brothers.
Pairing a donkey with a sheep may lead to complications.
The donkey could inadvertently harm the sheep, or the donkey could develop physical issues due to the strain.
Therefore, ask yourself: can I truly partner with this person without issues arising?
If you wish to avoid complications in your life, find someone compatible with you.
Who you marry will either speed up or slow down your journey in life.
8. Is your partner a child of God?
A child of God is someone who has repented and surrendered their life to Jesus, someone whose life has transformed due to an encounter with Christ.
Is the person you intend to marry born again?
Avoid marrying someone under the influence of the devil.
These are the vital considerations before engaging in marriage.
No matter how strong your feelings are, neglecting these aspects will likely lead to challenges.
Start your marital journey on the right foot.
Check these off before proceeding:
Love ✔️
Compatibility ✔️
Alignment with God’s will ✔️
Good character ✔️
Suitability ✔️
Agreement ✔️
Compatibility ✔️
Child of God ✔️
This is why we have stages like prayer, friendship, dating, and courtship.
They are not mere formalities; they are essential steps for getting it right.
I hope you can see that love alone isn’t a sufficient reason to marry someone.
What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments below.
“`