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Marriage isn’t merely about two people coming together; it’s about uniting two hearts, histories, minds, and souls. The self-esteem of your partner is precious—delicate but powerful. When nurtured, it flourishes; when neglected, it quietly deteriorates until nothing remains but a shell of the person you once adored.
Unfortunately, many unknowingly contribute to their partner’s emotional decline. Often, it’s not the major arguments that ruin marriages, but rather the constant small criticisms that chip away at a partner’s sense of worth.
As a seasoned marriage counselor, I can assure you that your partner’s self-esteem significantly influences the well-being of your relationship.
Here are 10 behaviors you should avoid to protect your partner’s self-worth. These insights are valuable for singles looking to love well and couples striving to build rather than break.
1. Constant Criticism
While correction is necessary, relentless criticism is harmful.
When your conversations are filled with what your partner does wrong, it creates a toxic environment. Eventually, they might stop trying—not out of indifference, but because they feel inadequate.
Instead of saying, “You never get anything right,” try, “I appreciate your efforts. Let’s tackle this together.”
2. Silent Treatment
You might think you’re just cooling off or teaching a lesson, but ignoring your spouse communicates a lot.
The silent treatment conveys: “You don’t deserve my words. You don’t matter.”
Communication is vital in relationships. Avoid using silence as a form of punishment.
3. Public Humiliation
Never make your partner’s faults the punchline in front of others. Avoid correcting them in public.
Even a seemingly harmless remark like, “He doesn’t even know how to cook indomie” can hurt deeply.
4. Comparing Them to Others
Saying things like, “Why can’t you be more like Pastor Tunde’s wife?” or “Look how intelligent her husband is” may sound innocuous, but it cuts deeply.
Comparison doesn’t motivate; it belittles your partner and can leave them feeling inadequate.
5. Neglecting Their Efforts
When your partner puts in thoughtfulness and you overlook or downplay it, you extinguish their motivation. Whether it’s cooking a meal, buying a small gift, or dressing up for you, show your appreciation.
Gratitude nurtures love. Dismissing their efforts with comments like “Is this really your best?” can be devastating.
6. Unforgiveness
When your partner feels judged for past mistakes, it can gradually erode their self-esteem.
If you bring up incidents from years ago, despite their change, it sends the message: “You can’t improve.”
Forgiveness communicates, “I believe you can change, and I’ll support you.”
7. Using Hurtful Words During Arguments
In heated moments, words can wound deeply.
Phrases like “You’re useless,” “I regret marrying you,” or “You’re a burden” linger long after the dispute. They haunt your partner and undermine their confidence in all areas of life.
Choose your words wisely, even in anger. Don’t harm the one you vowed to uplift.
8. Lack of Affirmation
Some individuals grow up without hearing words like “Well done,” “I’m proud of you,” or “You did great.”
If your partner comes from such a background, your words of encouragement are like healing balm. Withholding them can leave them feeling empty.
Be the loudest supporter of your partner. Offer praise often, and celebrate their achievements sincerely.
9. Mocking Their Dreams or Interests
If your partner expresses a desire to return to school, start a business, or write a book, don’t dismiss it or say, “You? That’s beneath you.”
Even if their aspirations seem unrealistic, honor them. Your faith might be the spark that helps bring their dream to fruition.
10. Being Emotionally Unavailable
When your partner tries to share their feelings and you brush them off, you send the message: “Your feelings don’t count. You’re too emotional.”
Eventually, they might stop sharing and suffer in silence.
Be there. Listen empathetically. Cherish their heart.
The Emotional Aftermath
When self-esteem is shattered, the confident husband becomes a shadow of himself, the vibrant wife becomes silent, passion diminishes, joy fades, and a once-happy home turns into a place of quiet despair.
But here’s the encouraging part: you can decide today to be a builder, not a destroyer.
Speak positively. Love with intention. Apologize when you err. Ask, “How can I love you better?”
If you found this beneficial, share it with someone today. Many marriages are struggling, and together we can contribute to creating healthy, thriving relationships.