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What do you do when alcohol is a prominent part of your family’s culture, making sobriety feel out of reach? Peggy, a military veteran with 28 years of service, grapples with this very issue. Growing up in a small fishing town, alcohol consumption was a regular part of life. During the pandemic, she reached a low point, concealing her drinking habits and returning home early to indulge in solitary drinking sessions until she passed out. For Peggy, the challenge of quitting drinking in a family that drinks meant confronting a long-standing legacy of alcohol use. Her breakthrough occurred unexpectedly when she saw a Facebook ad for This Naked Mind’s 5-day masterclass, igniting a journey that would forever change her relationship with alcohol.
The Beginning of My Journey
In a small fishing town in Nova Scotia, drinking was simply a part of everyday life. It was never questioned; people worked hard and celebrated with equal fervor. My father struggled with severe alcoholism, while my mother worked tirelessly, as she couldn’t rely on him. Despite having five siblings, I felt largely alone as I grew up. I began drinking in my teenage years, and it quickly became the norm for me and my peers.
For many years, I didn’t recognize the severity of my issue. I was successful in my military career spanning 28 years, and I could “drink like a champion.” Deep down, however, I realized something was off. I have two brothers who misuse alcohol, and my eldest brother would likely be in the same situation if my sister-in-law hadn’t persuaded him against it.
Throughout my military service, I found myself in risky situations that could have altered my path had I not been looked after by a higher power. I continued to drink because I maintained my ability to work and fulfill my responsibilities. Why would I admit something was amiss when I was functioning?
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Discovering Yourself Amidst a Drinking Culture
Once COVID arrived, drinking alone became a troubling routine for me. I would sit in solitude, drinking until I blacked out. In those moments, I began to fear that I was mirroring my brother, who had surrendered completely to alcohol. I felt shame about the number of trips I made to the liquor store and the amount of empty bottles piling up in my recycling bin.
I can’t stand being sneaky, yet that’s what I became. I found myself rushing home early, just to drink. My life had spiraled into a relentless cycle: drink to sleep, wake, go to work, then drink again. Even during lockdown, liquor stores were deemed essential, creating a deeper bond between alcohol and me.
I confided in my sister and close friends, expressing that I felt I was drinking excessively. Their reaction? “Well, as long as you’re working, it’s not really a problem.” However, downing a quart of alcohol every few days didn’t strike me as normal.
Learning to stop drinking in a family of drinkers required me to stop seeking others’ validation. The people around me didn’t grasp why I would choose to quit if I didn’t appear to have an obvious “problem.” They were oblivious to the inner turmoil I was battling.
Overcoming Family Patterns of Drinking
I discovered This Naked Mind through a Facebook ad for a free 5-day masterclass, which turned out to be a game changer for me. I attended the masterclass and subsequently enrolled in the PATH program. I listened to the podcast and engaged with fellow program participants, diligently working through the content.
All the materials I explored allowed me to delve into myself in ways I never had before. I made significant discoveries about who I am and learned that I’m not broken at all. The most significant realization was that the answers I sought were within me all along.
Prior to encountering This Naked Mind, I felt trapped with limited options. Within the military, especially as a Chief Warrant Officer with high security clearance, admitting to a drinking problem felt too risky for my career. I couldn’t attend AA; in small communities, even privacy can be hard to maintain, making it nearly impossible to be vulnerable without risking everything.
What I learned about how to stop drinking amidst a family of drinkers is that the decision must come from within. Only such a decision will truly matter. I initially attempted moderation by allowing myself just one glass of wine at dinner, but I would find myself hurrying home to indulge in the rest of the wine stock.
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Living Sober in a Culture of Drinking
Deciding to quit entirely was profoundly liberating. I describe it as “duck mode” – allowing my cravings to slide off me like water off a duck’s back. I could simply raise my hand and say, “No, I don’t want to.” Finally, I ceased the internal struggles and self-negotiations like “I’ll only drink on weekends” or “just one glass.”
This choice was the most challenging aspect of learning how to stop drinking within a family full of drinkers.
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Family gatherings often revolved around drinks, but once I embraced sobriety, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom.
Since I stopped drinking in May 2023, I’ve faced social situations I once thought would be impossible without alcohol. Each year, my best friends and I reunite, and drinking used to be a big part of those get-togethers. I was anxious – what if they didn’t appreciate me being sober? What if I found them less enjoyable in a sober state?
However, I managed to stay alcohol-free for 12 days. This experience taught me that my belief in needing alcohol to enjoy life or connect with others was untrue. The more challenging part was handling the discomfort caused by others, like my friend’s husband, who couldn’t understand my choice to quit drinking, assuming I must have a problem.
Life After Giving Up Alcohol
When you choose to stop drinking, some people can become defensive. They often think you must have had a problem or assume you are judging their drinking habits. I always explain, “You do what works for you. My decision is my own.” Stopping drinking was a personal choice, completely unrelated to anyone else.
I still keep vodka in my freezer for guests, but it no longer tempts me. I can look at it without feeling any cravings. My desire for alcohol has vanished, which means no temptation exists. It feels like being freed from a heavy burden – that’s the essence of my sobriety.
If I could offer advice to my younger self, it would be: “Put down that drink. You don’t have to drink just to fit in. You are deserving of love, and you are enough just as you are.”
Share Your Journey
Have you figured out how to stop drinking even when your whole family does? Were you able to do it with the help of our books, the app, the podcasts, or another program from This Naked Mind? We invite you to share your experience here and motivate others on their path!
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