Fostering Mindful Social Media Practices for You and Your Children in the TikTok Era

A while ago, as I was browsing through my Instagram feed, I stumbled upon a picture of Miranda, my best friend from childhood. She was enjoying a stunning tropical beach with soft white sand, looking sun-kissed and vibrant while striking an impressive yoga pose. Meanwhile, I was in my living room, pale and bundled up against the freezing temperatures of Maine, feeling almost lifeless from too much screen time. At that moment, I felt a familiar sensation; my throat tightened, my shoulders tensed slightly, and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. A fleeting thought crossed my mind: Ugh. I wish I were her. To counter this, I mentally listed reasons why I was superior to her, a desperate attempt to elevate my self-esteem.

This incident stands out because, while I had experienced similar feelings countless times scrolling through social media, I finally recognized the emotional toll of that image. If I viewed my tech consumption like a diet, what I had just “consumed” left me feeling bloated and heavy—akin to devouring an entire bag of Cheetos. Previously, I might have continued scrolling for another thirty minutes, allowing the discomfort to linger without pinpointing its source. However, this time was different; it was vividly clear. I began to question, “Is using social media really good for me?” The answer was a definitive no.

So, naturally, I deleted all my apps and swore off social media altogether.

Yeah, right.

In reality, this was just the start of a long awakening process concerning my technology use and its effects on me. I began to notice when my face flushed and my muscles tensed after an email angered me right before I impulsively crafted a heated reply. I also recognized that checking the news on my phone first thing in the morning made me grumpy towards my family as I prepared for my teaching day.

Mindfulness encourages us to momentarily set aside our judgments and genuinely examine our experiences, especially those we think we already understand.

Conversely, my awareness also grew regarding the positive aspects of technology. I felt a sense of empowerment from calls to action shared by friends advocating for social justice. I appreciated my electronic calendar for reminding me of appointments I’d nearly forgotten, and during the challenging times of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was especially grateful for the ability to connect with my students, family, and friends through Zoom.

I have a bias here, and it’s clear. I find it all too easy for people, including myself, to lose themselves in mindless tech usage, which often leads to negative feelings. There are influences working against us that make it challenging to set aside our phones, gaming consoles, or computer screens. However, I also believe we hold the power to choose, but we need to be attentive enough to recognize what’s happening in our lives.

Listen to Your Kids

Let me clarify: this isn’t just a concern for the young generation. While the specifics of tech-related challenges may vary by age, the quest for balance and wellness is a concern for everyone.

I am a mother of two young children (one and four years old at the time of writing), and I’m navigating how to effectively guide them in developing healthy relationships with technology.

For now, it’s straightforward since I can easily turn off the iPad after one episode or take the phone away when the timer dings. However, eventually, I need to transfer that control to them so they can begin to recognize and make their own decisions about the effects of tech on their lives. Yes, they’ll stumble along the way. Yes, I will too. But I’m hopeful, like I do with my students, that we can learn together.

I encourage openness with the young people in your life. Own your struggles and invite them to share theirs. Collaborate on problem-solving rather than oppose each other. We all desire less conflict. Be willing to see that you’re in this journey together.

You can gain valuable insights by simply listening to children. They grow up in a world vastly different from the one we knew. I didn’t have a mobile phone or social media until college, and smartphones came much later. My childhood was without the influence of modern technology. I can only begin to understand what it’s like to grow up in a tech-driven world. One important piece of advice I received from Jeremy, a teenager from Virginia, was, “One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is trying too hard to relate. Both generations face challenges, but they’re not the same, and parents might not fully grasp them. It’s better for parents to acknowledge the generational gap and be open to listening and understanding.”

So, I encourage you to show vulnerability with the young people in your life. Share your struggles, encourage them to share theirs, and work together to solve challenges rather than argue. We all want fewer conflicts. Keep your mind open to the idea that this is a shared journey.

Create Social Media Habits That Serve You

Mindfulness essentially asks us to temporarily suspend our judgments and genuinely reflect on our experiences, especially those we think we already understand. When we fully engage with open hearts and mindful awareness, we can discover there’s so much more to learn. By “hearts open,” I mean we can approach this work with compassion. We do this because we care about ourselves, our loved ones, and our broader community. Recognizing our desire for the best for everyone can guide us toward actions that may not be easy. Perhaps this means creating a post about social justice to promote better care for each other and our world. Or it might mean putting down our phones to genuinely show love to those around us.

Close your eyes. Okay, actually read this part first, then come back and close your eyes to walk through this exercise.

1. Picture yourself waking up on your most perfect day. What sensations do you notice while in bed? How do you savor that moment? Do you linger there to enjoy the tranquility? Are you someone who loves to spring right up and turn on some lively music? Visualize those initial moments that embody your ideal day.

2. Now, it’s afternoon. What do you do? Do you head out for a walk? Take a nap in a sunlit spot on the couch? Visit the beach or the mountains?

3. How do you choose to unwind as your day ends? Will you enjoy a movie with your family? Read a book snuggled in your favorite chair? Take an evening stroll around the neighborhood?

4. When you’re ready, bring your attention back to the present.

This exercise emphasizes ideal scenarios. Naturally, we usually don’t have complete control over every aspect of our lives. We need to consider the needs of others around us. Additionally, we find ourselves engaged in tasks—work, chores, exercise—that may not be fulfilling in the moment but ultimately benefit us. Certain life situations simply restrict us from achieving everything we aspire to. However, it’s helpful to understand the feelings associated with living a splendid day and identify what contributes to those emotions.

This exercise underscores the importance of how we allocate our time. The experiences and content we expose ourselves to—those thoughts and images—are significant. It may be…

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It’s essential to reflect on how we utilize each moment since these choices cumulatively shape our lives. To effectively assess how technology can enhance our experience, we must first determine what aspects of our lives we want it to enrich. Many individuals ponder a profound question throughout their existence: What pursuits, activities, humanitarian efforts, and approaches to life resonate with me most deeply, making me feel vibrant, connected, and genuinely myself? This question doesn’t have a definitive answer; it’s an ongoing exploration, and your perspective will naturally evolve as you progress and reevaluate your priorities.

The significance we find in our lives arises from not just our actions, but also how we engage with those experiences.

The purpose we extract from our existence is shaped not solely by our endeavors, but significantly by our presence in those moments. Are we fully immersed in our experiences, or are we sidetracked? Is it possible to discover joy and meaning even in mundane or unexciting situations? Our technology-related habits don’t exist separately; often, they stem from unresolved needs in our lives. Understanding what truly replenishes us and evokes a sense of vitality is crucial. Only then can we comprehend how the use of technology can align with those needs.

The Opportunity to Start Anew

Admittedly, in the short term, it can feel simpler not to confront our habits. It may seem easier to detach from the moment and allow technology companies—with their skilled neuroscientists and psychologists—to guide us on a seemingly joyful, screen-driven journey. Instead of critically reflecting on our habits, we often surrender to them, moving with the current rather than questioning if they lead us towards our goals or support the life we aspire to live. Occasionally, pausing to examine our actions can feel overwhelmingly daunting; we are not accustomed to this introspection. Our routines often encourage us to stick to the familiar. In light of this, consider asking yourself: Can I appreciate the rhythm of life? Can I embrace my humanity? Can I show compassion towards myself even when my choices lead to fatigue, envy, overwhelming tasks, or sorrow? Can I nurture my desire to return to better habits with kindness rather than guilt?

If we approach the evaluation of our technology habits with self-criticism and judgment against others for not meeting our ideals, we might become reluctant to keep trying. It’s crucial to lead with compassion.

Perhaps one day we recognize we’ve spent over an hour mindlessly scrolling, only to overlook this same pattern the following week. One day, we may decide to limit our video game time with a timer, stepping outside for fresh air after thirty minutes, only to later find ourselves engrossed in gameplay for an entire weekend. Each time, we have the chance to restart.

We can still appreciate ourselves even in moments of failure. We can value ourselves enough to rise and try once more.

Attention Hijacked: Using Mindfulness to Reclaim Your Brain from Tech by Erica B. Marcus. Text copyright © 2022 by Erica B. Marcus. Reprinted with permission from Zest Books, a division of Lerner Publishing Group, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this text may be used or reproduced in any form without prior written consent from Lerner Publishing Group, Inc.

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