Every relationship demands effort. However, when you’re involved with someone battling depression, even simple issues can feel much more intense. Trying to help your partner cope with their depression can quickly lead to feelings of despair for you. It’s essential not to act like a therapist, but you can use strategies, particularly those suggested by mental health experts, to assist your partner while also caring for your own needs.
Advice for Dating Someone with Depression
1. Educate Yourself About Depression
Knowledge is invaluable. By learning about the various symptoms experienced by your partner, you will gain more patience and compassion. You’ll discover that feelings of sadness and irritability don’t always have a specific trigger. Additionally, your understanding can help your partner feel acknowledged and supported.
2. Engage Them in Conversation
When our loved ones are hurting, we often instinctively want to fix it. Instead, ask your partner how you can assist them. Questions like, “What can I do to help?” can spark significant conversations, making them feel recognized and allowing them to convey their needs. Even if they say “I don’t know,” your willingness to help can provide comfort.
3. Exercise Patience
It’s natural to feel frustrated when depression casts a shadow over your relationship. A key way to help your partner is by being patient. Patience is particularly important during tough times, like when there’s a decrease in intimacy. You aren’t expected to fix everything, but you can assure your partner that it’s okay for them to struggle.
4. Hold Off on Giving Advice
Even if you mean well and have good suggestions, this is not the time to provide advice. Instead, share your thoughts as encouragement. Use phrases that don’t imply obligation, like “You might feel better if you go for a walk,” instead of “You need to go outside.” This way, you support them without pressuring them.
5. Don’t Internalize Their Behavior
Depression can lead people to lose interest in activities they once loved. On tough days, getting out of bed can feel like an overwhelming task. If your partner seems cold, withdrawn, or distant, try not to take it personally. Their symptoms may lead them to say hurtful things or act in ways that don’t reflect their true feelings. Remember, this illness drains joy and doesn’t reflect on your relationship or their fondness for you.
6. Simply Be Present
Often, one of the best forms of support is just being there. While you can’t alleviate their pain, your presence can provide comfort as they navigate it. Initially, this may feel awkward, especially during tough moments, but you’re not required to engage in conversation or offer solutions—just share the space. Whether you sit in silence, hold them, or lay beside them, your emotional support fosters a sense of safety and stability.
7. Prioritize Your Well-being
Feeling stressed, exhausted, or even resentful is a common reaction when your partner is battling depression. It’s easy to forget your own needs, leading to negativity in the relationship. Make sure you take time for self-care—exercise, relax, eat healthily, and seek support when you need it. If you’re spread too thin, you won’t be able to assist your partner effectively.
8. Establish Boundaries
Occasionally, those suffering from depression might behave disruptively, like canceling plans or acting out. Although you know that depression causes this behavior, it can still be painful. Set boundaries to safeguard your needs without harming your partner. For example, if they cancel plans you were looking forward to, go ahead and enjoy those plans by yourself. In heated arguments, take a break to de-escalate the situation. Healthy boundaries help keep resentment and negativity at bay for both you and your partner.
9. Rethink How You Communicate
When someone you love struggles with thoughts like “I’m unlovable” or “I can’t do anything right,” it’s natural to want to dismiss such ideas. A more supportive approach is to validate their feelings without agreeing with them. You could say, “I understand that depression makes you feel this way, but I’m here for you, and I love you,” or “That’s a tough feeling, but I’m here to support you through it.”
10. Reaffirm Your Love Often
Expressing your love, attraction, and how special your partner is can sometimes seem pointless during their battle with depression. However, even if they don’t seem receptive, it’s still vital to convey your affection. This unconditional love provides a sense of security amid their emotional turmoil.
11. Practice Thankfulness
Having a relationship impacted by depression can feel draining and unjust. Set a daily reminder on your phone to embrace gratitude. During this time, jot down or mentally note a few things you’re thankful for. This habit can help you maintain perspective and foster positive thinking, which can ease stress and enhance your happiness.
12. Don’t Hesitate to Seek Support
Feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s struggle is understandable. Reach out for help when you need it. Talk to a trusted friend, join a support group, or consult a professional counselor to address your own feelings. Seeking assistance can also improve your communication and strengthen your coping skills.
13. Assume the Role of a Team Leader
A partnership thrives on teamwork, which often isn’t equal. When one person is struggling, the other might need to shoulder more responsibilities to maintain the relationship. Depression can hinder focus and motivation, meaning you might need to take on a bigger share of duties, similar to if your partner were physically incapacitated. Remember, you might need extra support from them someday as well!
14. Cultivate Compassion
Finding compassion can be challenging on tough days when you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. Remind yourself that the person you care about is experiencing deep pain. Many of their actions stem from brain chemistry imbalances brought on by depression. Consider how difficult it must be for them to deal with their pain daily and strive to locate compassion in these trying moments.
15. Go Together
If your partner is uncertain or lacks the enthusiasm to attend therapy or engage in other beneficial activities, suggest doing it together. For example, utilizing online couples and marriage counseling services can be a great way for both partners to gain outside support and discover healthy coping strategies, all while making it easier for your partner to participate from home. Additionally, encouraging your partner to join you for activities like walks or dinners can be more effective when you participate alongside them.
16. Join in Their Healing
If your partner is currently in therapy, they will likely have homework and tools to help in their recovery. Partners who aren’t undergoing treatment may also start self-care routines to fight against depression. By joining your partner in activities such as journaling, meditation, or breathing exercises, you not only support their healing journey but also reap mental health benefits for yourself!
17. Watch Your Language
Even though mental health issues are widespread, there is still some stigma associated with them. When you talk with your partner about depression, it’s important to avoid using derogatory terms like “crazy” or “mental” to describe their feelings. Remember, depression is a medical condition as legitimate as asthma or diabetes. Approach the subject sensitively and make sure your partner feels respected and strong. They are courageously handling their challenges and should be treated with dignity.
18. Stay Social
There may be days when your partner isn’t up for socializing. However, don’t isolate yourself; maintain your social life. It might seem odd to go out without your partner, but interacting with others is vital for support, distraction, and re-energizing.
19. Keep It Real
If your partner’s condition is deteriorating and they resist taking part in activities that aid their recovery, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. Encourage, support, and offer to accompany them to appointments whenever you can. If these efforts don’t yield results, have a candid discussion with your partner about your worries. Ultimately, you may need to consider whether the relationship is meeting the needs of both partners.
20. Keep an Eye Out
Many individuals struggling with depression may experience suicidal thoughts. While it can be difficult to detect this internal struggle, some signs might indicate danger. If your partner makes threats of self-harm or suddenly appears calm and content after a period of intense sadness, seek professional help immediately. You can also contact the emergency mental health hotline at 988 (in the United States).
21. Take a Deep Breath
Dealing with depression can be exhausting for everyone involved. When symptoms feel overwhelming, it can seem like they’ll never fade. Remember that the intensity of these feelings is temporary and that there are effective treatments available (with more being developed all the time). Establishing solid coping mechanisms with your partner (and individually) will help both of you endure these tough times. Relationships often require extra care during challenges, and the effort you put in will pay off in the future.
Bottom Line
Depression takes away many everyday pleasures that we usually overlook. As the symptoms fluctuate, they can place significant strain on relationships. Striving to understand what depression feels like, communicating openly with your partner, and approaching their struggles with understanding are excellent methods for managing this tough situation. You may not be able to cure your partner’s depression or eliminate their pain, but you can provide a listening ear and emotional support. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or worried about your partner’s health, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.