Denial and enabling behaviors can hinder your ability to support your child in making meaningful changes.
It’s common to feel this way, as you may need time to comprehend your child’s actions. It helps to understand the context of their drug or alcohol use, allowing you to formulate a proper response.
However, addressing these issues promptly is crucial for your child’s journey towards health, happiness, and productivity.
Here are helpful strategies for tackling denial and enabling behaviors.
Denial
As a parent, your main responsibility is to help your child navigate life successfully.
Yet, things may not always turn out as planned. Teenagers might experiment with substances, and young adults may not fulfill their potential.
You might want to believe they’re making good choices, but this experimentation could lead to serious harm.
Many parents feel pain when confronted with the truth of their child’s struggles.
You may think you can manage the situation on your own, without professional intervention.
If your child is engaging in substance use, it’s crucial to act now rather than dismissing it as just a phase.
Balancing work commitments and family responsibilities can be overwhelming. You might also have financial obligations, other children to care for, and additional family members to consider.
When you’re tired and stressed, it’s easy to overlook how your child’s behaviors could negatively impact their future.
You may encounter troubling circumstances with your child that feel impossible to address, leading you to hope things will improve on their own.
It might seem simpler to ignore these issues while you’re preoccupied and lack solutions.
While situations might resolve themselves eventually, being proactive about your child’s safety and well-being is essential.
Here are strategies to overcome denial, take action, and engage more:
- Acknowledge your denial.
- Ask questions and gather information.
- Keep track of your teen’s whereabouts and how to reach them.
- Frequent discussions with your kids about the risks of peer pressure, alcohol, and drug consumption are vital.
- Network with other parents to exchange information.
- Stay informed about local substance use trends.
- Don’t internalize your child’s issues as reflections of your parenting.
- Release any shame; focus on getting your child the necessary support.
- Avoid being a “Not-My-Child” parent: recognize that substance problems aren’t exclusive to others.
- Dedicate quality time to build a rewarding relationship with your child.
Show genuine interest in your teenager’s life and social circle. They may perceive your involvement as an invasion of their space, resulting in periods of silence.
As challenging as this may seem, these feelings are likely to pass as your teen matures.
Enabling
We often discuss enabling behaviors, their origins, and the seemingly harmless intentions behind them, as they are often used to maintain peace at home.
At some point, we must encourage the abandonment of these enabling actions and allow the substance user to experience natural consequences, requiring us to stop enabling. ~ Dr. Robert Meyers
To what extent can a false sense of entitlement carry a child in life?
Enabling behaviors often stem from love and concern, driven by a desire to prevent your child from suffering. Parents genuinely wish the best for their children, but attempts to help can inadvertently lead to enabling.
You may unintentionally excuse or hide your child’s negative actions. For instance, doing their homework or covering for them at work are examples of enabling.
Enabling poses risks when it facilitates your child’s use of drugs or alcohol.
Often, accountability falls on everyone but the child facing these struggles.
Enabling tends to arise from a parental desire to avoid discomfort. However, it’s more beneficial to consider the long-lasting effects.
Rescuing your child doesn’t equip them for real-life challenges.
Without experiencing negative consequences, they won’t grasp the ramifications of their choices.
Parents instill values, confidence, and resilience in their children. Celebrating their achievements also plays a vital role. Teens can acquire essential life skills when they accept the repercussions of their behavior.
A parent who consistently bails out their child during difficult times may believe they are showing love, but on a deeper level, they’re attempting to shield themselves from the pain of watching their child spiral downward. ~ Naomi Sternberg
Here are some strategies that parents can implement to revise enabling behaviors:
- Recognize that you may be enabling.
- Drop any defensive responses.
- Don’t take charge of issues that are your child’s responsibility.
- Avoid rescuing your child by solving their problems.
- Refrain from offering gifts to encourage behavioral changes.
- Do not tolerate unacceptable behaviors such as swearing or disrespect.
- Establish clear, reasonable boundaries and enforce them to cultivate respect.
- Inform your child that you will not lie, excuse, or shield them from consequences.
- Engage in self-care to manage the stress from your child’s behavior.
- Let your child face the repercussions of their actions.
- Do not excuse your child’s negative behaviors.
- If necessary, seek professional support for your teen or young adult.
Many parents have traversed the challenging paths of denial and enabling behaviors. If you have, remember to forgive yourself for the past.
Stay focused on the issues and prepare to offer support to your child.
It may be tough to allow your children to take ownership of the consequences of their actions. Nevertheless, this approach cultivates a sense of responsibility and equips them to navigate life’s challenges as adults.
Thank you for your time. If you’re concerned about your child’s substance use, discover practical tools to help motivate them toward positive change. Subscribe to the Sunday newsletter for insights. Sign up today.
