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Parents, remember that parenting is a sacred duty. We must be vigilant not to raise children who are well-fed but spiritually empty. Here are ten parenting styles that may seem accepted today, yet can lead to hurt adults tomorrow.
1. The Shouting and Hitting Method
Some caregivers think the only way to communicate with children is through yelling and physical punishment. Every minor mistake is met with verbal attacks. Such kids grow up feeling fearful, insecure, and emotionally stunted. They might obey you out of dread, but internally, they will resent you.
2. The Over-Indulgent Method
This may look like love, but it is harmful. Children who are never corrected grow into adults who cannot take responsibility. They expect the world to cater to them. As a result, their future partners bear the brunt of this. Overindulged boys may become lazy spouses; overindulged girls may become entitled wives.
3. The Too-Occupied Parenting Method
In this scenario, both parents are too focused on work, projects, or personal ambitions. As a result, children are raised by caregivers, devices, and TV shows. These kids become emotionally numb. They understand their parents pay for education, but they don’t feel loved. As adults, they struggle to form deep emotional connections.
4. The Comparison Approach
“What’s wrong with you? Look at your sibling!” Such statements can deeply wound a child. Comparisons lead to jealousy, hatred, and low self-worth. These children grow up feeling insignificant, focusing on competition instead of connection, all because their home environment taught them to feel inadequate.
5. The Military Method of Parenting
Strict rules, no warmth, no smiles, no encouragement. It’s all about obedience. Children grow up like soldiers rather than cherished individuals. They struggle to accept love or exhibit emotions later in life, even in relationships. They may follow orders, but their hearts remain isolated.
6. The Public Humiliation Style
Parents who degrade their children publicly, insulting them and causing embarrassment in front of others. Such children grow up feeling worthless. They may become adults who shy away from social interactions or overcompensate by trying to prove their worth.
7. The Neglectful Approach
Some parents may be present physically but absent emotionally. They never engage, ignore their child’s distress, and never inquire, “How are you really doing?” These children feel invisible. They grow up emotionally barren, perpetually seeking attention from the wrong sources.
8. The Hypocritical Method
Parents who teach moral values at home but live by different standards elsewhere. Or those who sing praises in church but clash at home. Children observe everything! This hypocrisy confuses them. They often grow to dislike religion, mistrust others, and repeat this duality in their own lives.
9. The Overbearing Style
Parents who make all decisions: education, profession, marriage. They stifle their child’s potential. Consequently, the child may become either rebellious or overly compliant. Such adults can struggle to make their own choices and blame others for their life circumstances.
10. The Conditional Love Method
Parents who give affection only when a child excels academically or behaves perfectly. “You got straight A’s? I love you. You misbehave? I withdraw my love.” This creates performance-oriented adults who constantly feel inadequate. They strive to earn love in friendships, marriages, and even from God—because home taught them that love is contingent on perfection.
In Conclusion
Dear parents, children are not just raised; they are shaped. Many of us are still healing from childhood scars, and yet God expects us to break this harmful cycle. Let’s focus on nurturing emotionally healthy children. We must correct with kindness, discipline with wisdom, listen empathetically, and guide with prayer.
A nurturing child today leads to a supportive partner tomorrow.
Let’s not create broken individuals under the guise of “I’m the parent.”
If you found this insightful, share it with another parent. Together, let’s heal families, one household at a time.
Written by Pastor Bisi Adewale
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