Unraveling the Mystery: Why Our Drinking Habits Shift With Age

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>First Experiences and Unanswered Questions</strong></h2>

<p>Reflecting back, a specific memory stands out. In ninth grade, my parents were away, and friends came over. While I had no alcohol at my house, they certainly did. They ended up getting very drunk, and someone even threw up in my parents’ bathroom. I cleaned it up without a second thought. When my parents returned, they were curious about what happened since the toilet seat was sticky! How amusing! Interestingly, I wasn’t punished for this incident, but it did lead me to decide to refrain from drinking during high school.</p>

<p>Then came college! And oh boy, I was lured in by alcohol’s charm.</p>

<p>In September 1971, I embarked on my college journey in New Jersey, where the drinking age was 18, compared to 21 back home in Pennsylvania. I started college at 17, but by January, I turned 18. And party time began! There was Taylor Port wine and whipped cream iced cake. I won't get into all the details, but let's just say I’ve never gone back to either since! Despite getting sick, Boone’s Farm wine, which cost just $.99 a bottle, became a weekend staple. It was a time of joy, relief, and friendship. It felt nice, right, and significant.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Alcohol as the Social Connector in Young Adulthood</strong></h2>

<p>I was also involved in a sorority during my college years. There was always a type of “celebration” going on with the fraternities. They would clean out garbage cans and fill them with grain alcohol and fruit punch. There was food, “the punch,” dancing, and an abundant amount of fun! (Or at least, that was my perspective back then.) But all that fun revolved around alcohol. It felt almost necessary. I believed that alcohol improved my dancing, my socializing abilities, and enhanced my sense of belonging. The role of alcohol kept escalating. Now, looking back, it’s astonishingly clear! Back then, I was oblivious to it. 😴😴😴</p>

<figure class="wp-block-image alignfull size-large"><img decoding="async" width="1024" height="536" src="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify-1024×536.png" alt="alcohol is the only drug we have to justify not taking." class="wp-image-35031" srcset="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify-1024×536.png 1024w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify-300×157.png 300w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify-768×402.png 768w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify-100×52.png 100w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/not-drinking-at-Christmas-justify.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px"/></figure>

<p>By July 1975, I began grad school at Penn State University. Alcohol was just naturally embedded in the lifestyle there. After a demanding week filled with studying, writing, and reading, we would unwind at the bistro. On pleasant days, we would sit outside, eat, drink, laugh, converse, and relax. That was how we connected—or so we thought. On less favorable days, we would gather indoors at the bistro, bar, or tavern. It was such a regular part of life there. I saw no issues with it; I only noticed the perks.</p>

<p>The narrative continued similarly when I landed my first job in Pittsburgh at a school for the deaf. We worked hard during the week, and then come the weekend, teachers would head to happy hour and stay until closing time. Dancing, drinking, laughing, letting off steam, and bonding. We were a tight group back then, genuinely believing that alcohol was beneficial, even crucial for our connection.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Adapting to Life's Changes</strong></h2>

<p>Fast forward to my wedding in 1978 to my amazing husband, purchasing two homes, and raising four children. During this time, I remember drinking slightly, but it wasn’t a necessity. Life was incredibly fulfilling. My husband wasn’t a drinker at that time; he quit drinking when our first child was born. Hence, it was not something we shared. Still, he never criticized my occasional glass of wine. Our friends also didn't drink much, which was a refreshing change for me.</p>

<p>In 1996, I returned to my role as a teacher of the deaf at one…
“`<p>Throughout my time working for one of Pennsylvania's 29 local education agencies, I was managing a busy household with four children, the youngest in kindergarten. This period was hectic, but interestingly, the presence of my children seemed to keep alcohol out of the picture; I don’t recall ever having a stash during those years.</p>

<figure class="wp-block-image alignfull size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="538" src="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1-1024×538.png" alt="If you are truly happy and relaxed, you have no need or desire to change your state of mind." class="wp-image-38734" srcset="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1-1024×538.png 1024w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1-300×158.png 300w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1-768×403.png 768w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1-100×53.png 100w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/no-desire-1.png 1200w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px"/></figure>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>The Gradual Rise of Alcohol Consumption</strong></h2>

<p>As I transitioned to a new position as a training and consulting staff member, my responsibilities expanded to providing professional development for teachers across 13 school districts. It was during this time that I noticed a significant increase in my alcohol consumption. The role was demanding, and I believed that drinking helped alleviate the stress… or so I convinced myself. Despite my efforts to cut down, I found it nearly impossible. I prided myself on being a responsible mother and a committed staff member, yet I felt weak for not being able to quit. Oddly enough, I didn’t consider alcohol to be the actual issue.</p>

<p>I eventually advanced to the role of Assistant Director of Curriculum and later became the Director of Curriculum, a position on the executive team. With each promotion came heightened stress. Around this time, my father suffered a stroke, which placed additional demands on my mother and me. I often enjoyed sharing a glass of wine with her, viewing it as a source of comfort rather than a concern.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Change</h2>

<p>As a director, my role involved collaboration with superintendents and assistant superintendents from local school districts, as well as interactions with colleagues from across Pennsylvania and the nation. Looking back, I realize drinking had become woven into the fabric of my professional life. I began making excuses to go to the grocery store, returning with milk and a sizable bottle of wine. I even started to enjoy boxed wine. Errands often ended with me purchasing wine, and as my children became adults, I found joy in sharing a glass with my daughter and her friends, feeling a sense of connection with them.</p>

<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Connection and Coping Through Alcohol</strong></h2>

<p>My fellow administrators often unwound after work at our favorite local bars, where I enjoyed sipping on a Manhattan, my drink of choice. I fondly recall lengthy conversations with my boss over drinks. I believed these moments fostered a genuine connection.</p>

<p>From time to time, I attempted to reduce my alcohol intake, but it never felt like a serious issue. My focus was on the relaxation, enjoyment, and sense of camaraderie that came with drinking. I convinced myself I enjoyed the taste of the alcohol and neglected the negative implications it had on my life. Occasionally, I sensed a struggle within me, but I was convinced I had control over my choices… or at least I thought I did.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading">My Rationalizations</h2>

<p>I seldom kept liquor at home; instead, I would purchase it only when I wanted it. I believed this practice kept my drinking in check. I didn’t have a collection of liquor stocked up. I thought that if I kept alcohol readily accessible at home, it would indicate a real problem. As long as I had a bottle or two of wine, I felt in control. I actually never stored hard liquor at home.</p>

<p>Interestingly, I didn’t even know how to make a Manhattan. I thought that was a sign of control too. I didn’t know how to shop for liquor! But I was quite knowledgeable about buying my favorite wine! A recurring question surfaced in my mind—why was my alcohol consumption increasing as I aged? Reflecting on it, I recognized that the gradual rise was correlated with stress, societal norms, and a false belief that it was helping me connect and cope.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Awakening and the Journey to Change</strong></h2>

<p>A close friend, Lori, introduced me to <em>This Naked Mind</em> in 2018, a book I quickly immersed myself in. The content resonated with me deeply, as I recognized many individuals cited by the author, Annie Grace. I had even used their insights in my work with teachers on how to educate students. Deep down, I sensed I was starting on a path of awareness, though I hadn’t yet stopped drinking.</p>

<p>I took on the Alcohol Experiment independently at the start of 2019, purchasing and reading the accompanying book. By the end of that year, I participated in the intensive program. Furthermore, I engaged in a four-year spiritual development program, gaining certification after two years and completing two additional years as well. In November 2020, I repeated the TNM Alcohol Experiment, this time utilizing all the available videos and resources. On November 1, 2020, I noted the following in my journal—exactly four years ago:</p>

<p>“Why am I ‘doing’ this again? It seems tied to everything I’m experiencing and discovering… The Enneagram, Richard Rohr, James Finley, and spiritual guidance work.”</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Participate in The Alcohol Experiment</h2>

<p>Have you noticed that your alcohol consumption has increased as you’ve aged? Would you like to hit the pause button, change the pattern, and redefine your relationship with alcohol? Consider joining The Alcohol Experiment! It’s a completely free 30-day guided journey aimed at challenging the beliefs that keep you trapped while providing the knowledge, community, and resources you need to determine your own path forward!</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Doing the Inner Work</h2>

<p>My journal entries reflected my thoughts on the pre-work video concerning fear: “Don’t focus on failure or success! Approach it with curiosity. What will occur in 30 days of abstaining from alcohol? How will I cope with the longing for a drink? I do everything for those around me—answer their calls, meet their needs, provide solutions, and support them, often at the expense of my own desires. Finally, I indulge in drinking! It’s my way of exerting control. It’s not someone else dictating my choices but me. After a busy day in college, I would simply unwind by sitting down and chatting over a portion of ice cream.”</p>

<figure class="wp-block-image alignfull size-large">“`html
<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="538" src="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure-1024×538.png" alt="For some reason we have this idea that we're either 100 percent perfect or we're failures when it comes to alcohol." class="wp-image-38738" srcset="https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure-1024×538.png 1024w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure-300×158.png 300w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure-768×403.png 768w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure-100×53.png 100w, https://thisnakedmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/failure.png 1200w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px"/></figure>

<p>After finishing my classes at Penn State, I headed to the bistro to unwind with some food and drinks. It felt like a necessary escape—a chance to do what I wanted without the pressure of expectations from my parents, professors, or bosses. Drinking and dining felt like a way to quiet those incessant voices in my head.</p>

<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>The Turning Point and Embracing Freedom</strong></h2>

<p>In the summer of 2023, a few drinking experiences changed my life. During one particular occasion at our seasonal campground, I bought a bottle of Manhattans—something I was thrilled to find just a mile from where I stayed. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a pivotal moment for me; I ended up extremely drunk, sitting on the camper floor with my head over the toilet, feeling utterly unwell. At that point, I contemplated calling someone for help, fearing I might not survive. Though I didn’t make that call, I haven’t touched a Manhattan since.</p>