Overcoming Grief: My Journey to Healing Without Alcohol

Have you ever found yourself using alcohol to numb your sadness and questioned whether it might be causing more harm than good? That was the situation Valerie faced after losing her father. She began drinking at 12 to manage her anxiety and fit in, only to witness her dad battle the same issues years later. When he passed away due to alcohol-related problems last year, she fell into the same cycle—drinking excessively to avoid her grief. That downward spiral intensified, leading to a narrative filled with scientific insights, profound compassion, and a joyful rediscovery of a life free from shame and regrets.

Starting Too Young

I began drinking at just 12 years old. I know that’s incredibly young. But I was constantly anxious and eager to blend in with the other kids. Alcohol seemed to be the solution to my problems.

Looking back, I realize I put myself in some risky situations. Negative experiences occurred while I was drinking—issues I’m still trying to address. However, my family didn’t seem too worried about my alcohol use. I rarely got into trouble, so I assumed this behavior was normal. I kept thinking, doesn’t everyone do this?

My Dad’s Struggles Changed Everything

For a long time, I genuinely believed that drinking was just a common part of life. But then my father began to truly struggle with alcohol and serious depression. That’s when I first questioned, “Maybe this isn’t as typical as I thought.”

Seeing him suffer was heartbreaking. The person I loved was fading away, and I felt utterly powerless. Ironically, I was following the same path, using alcohol to cope with my own issues. I just didn’t recognize it then.

Realizing I Couldn’t Stop

Here’s the reality: alcohol had always been a problem for me. However, I only truly understood this a few years back when I recognized I could no longer go without it. I needed it to navigate my days. It stopped being enjoyable—it became a necessity.

Then my father passed away last year. The reason? Alcohol. And what did I do? I entered the most intense phase of drinking in my life. I was using alcohol to numb my grief, trying to escape the pain of his absence. Each drink was an attempt to avoid accepting the reality that he was gone and that alcohol had claimed him. Instead of finding relief, I was drowning in the same substance that had taken him from me.

The Rules I Tried to Follow

Before I discovered a way out, I exerted a lot of effort trying to control my drinking. I established strict rules: only two drinks, only on three days a week, only when I felt happy (never when I was sad), and only when out (never at home). The list was extensive.

Each new guideline felt hopeful, as if THIS time might yield different results. Yet, they never lasted long. I would be managing well for a time, then something stressful would happen, and I’d break my own rules. With every violation, I felt increasingly broken, as if something was intrinsically wrong with me.

Discovering This Naked Mind

Honestly, it felt like fate. I don’t even recall looking for it—it just appeared in my life at the perfect moment. Sometimes, that’s how things unfold, right?

Discovering Annie’s work transformed my perspective. I had to truly grasp the science behind how alcohol affects the brain. This understanding helped me reframe my father’s struggles and allowed me to finally accept some grace for myself.

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The Science Made It Clear

Learning the factual impacts of alcohol on the brain was monumental. I needed to realize that this wasn’t a character flaw inherited from my family. There were healthy alternatives to managing stress and processing trauma that didn’t involve alcohol.

This understanding diminished a lot of shame. My dad wasn’t weak; he didn’t prioritize alcohol over family. And I wasn’t broken either.

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We found ourselves ensnared in a situation that had little to do with our willpower or moral character. Realizing this shifted my perspective entirely—not only on myself but also on him.

How Life Is Now

I’ve been free from alcohol for ten months, and honestly? I cherish waking up without a hangover or that dreadful sense of regret. Just those mornings alone make it all worthwhile. My mind is clear, I have genuine energy, and there’s no shame gnawing at me—it feels incredible.

Don’t misunderstand me; I’m still addressing the reasons I turned to drinking initially. There’s plenty of work ahead. But my outlook is much brighter now. I’ve rediscovered small joys I had overlooked—a beautiful sunrise, sharing laughter with a friend, truly being in the moment. I genuinely believe these moments of happiness will continue to expand.

Freedom from Shame

The greatest blessing of sobriety? Liberation from shame. For so many years, I carried burdens from poor choices, risky situations, and the anxiety that I might repeat my family’s past. Now, I’m actively breaking that cycle.

I’m beginning to understand how to experience my feelings without relying on alcohol. How to sit with discomfort. How to deal with stress and grief in constructive ways. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worthwhile. Every difficult day I manage without alcohol demonstrates that I am far stronger than I ever imagined.

Advice for My Younger Self

If I could reach back in time to speak with my past self who was struggling, I would say: It’s not your fault. You are not broken. You deserve to be fought for.

These affirmations motivate me in tough times. Using alcohol to numb my grief wasn’t a way to honor my dad’s memory—living a full and authentic life without alcohol is. Interrupting the painful cycle that affected my family is the most meaningful tribute I can offer him.

If you relate to my experiences, please understand that change is possible. Perfection isn’t required; simply being open to new possibilities is enough. The alcohol-free life awaiting you is more beautiful than you can currently envision. Those moments of joy I mentioned? They continue to expand. And waking up without regret? It’s truly invaluable.

Share Your Journey

Did you stop using alcohol as a way to numb your grief with the help of our books, the app, the podcasts, or any other resource from This Naked Mind? We invite you to share your experience here and inspire others on their path!

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