When I was younger, my father taught me how to perform a backflip off the diving board. I was scared, but with his support, I managed to do it. He then encouraged me to try again—and again—until I felt comfortable. Feeling more confident, I decided to push my limits and jump higher. That turned out to be a mistake. I jumped high but didn’t go far enough out, which resulted in my hitting my head on the diving board as I fell. I sank underwater, and I could see my dad’s hand reaching in to pull me out. Once I was out, I started crying. That’s when I first heard him say: “Suck it up.”
He told me to get back on the board and try again. I was furious, scared, and bewildered, but his tough-love approach sort of worked. Though I didn’t want to, I climbed back up and somehow found the courage to do another backflip. Afterwards, I stormed out of the pool, angry at my dad for making me do it again after getting hurt, and rushed inside the house. I was really upset and didn’t forgive him for many years. Looking back, I understand his perspective a bit more. He could have reacted differently, but that was his way of dealing with things—it was what he knew.
What I also realized is that sometimes it’s necessary to set aside our feelings in order to deal with chaotic situations. In that moment, “sucking it up” helped me calm down, refocus, and get back to it. However, there’s a downside: when this strategy becomes your default behavior—especially in a job characterized by constant chaos—it starts to affect every area of your life, even when things are calm.
There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos—but when that approach becomes your everyday norm, it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.
Calm Isn’t (Always) the Goal
For the first responders I train during Tactical Brain Training sessions, this poses a challenge. The nature of their work demands they suppress their emotions to handle emergencies efficiently.
A detective once asked me, “So in a life-threatening situation, you want me to close my eyes, breathe, and remain calm?” I replied, “Sure, if your goal is to get stabbed or shot!” (I may have let a curse word slip as well.) I then added, “That’s not the right strategy. Instead, mindfulness should enhance your law enforcement skills to keep you safe. And don’t close your eyes!”
When your job involves putting yourself in harm’s way, the resulting stress is completely understandable. Traumas—either experienced or witnessed—are an inevitable part of this work. If we acknowledge that trauma is part of the job, we must also take responsibility for addressing it. We train for every aspect of the job—drawing a weapon, performing CPR, subduing a suspect—so why not train to handle the potential aftermath? That’s the gap I see between training for action and training for long-term well-being (i.e., maintaining our mental health).
Mindfulness practices and Tactical Brain Training are not merely about creating calmness; they also help regulate the nervous system, allowing someone to act purposefully rather than react impulsively. Instead of letting emotions dictate actions, mindfulness trains the brain’s prefrontal cortex—a part responsible for executive functions like working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. By strengthening this area of the brain, we can operate in a thoughtful, responsive manner rather than a reflexive one.
For first responders, veterans, and anyone facing high-stress situations, having various emotional regulation techniques is key to achieving balance. It’s about putting together a toolbox of strategies. If one doesn’t work, discard it and try another. This process isn’t about zoning out or ignoring pain; it’s about learning to acknowledge it while knowing there’s a way out.
How to “Suck It Up” With Mindfulness
Mindfulness isn’t just “pay attention to your emotions” or “just take a deep breath.” Telling someone who has been trained to suppress emotions, especially in critical situations, to suddenly embrace all their feelings can be overwhelming and distracting. Furthermore, asking someone in a heightened state to just breathe can be incredibly frustrating! When I refer to “JFB,” it’s a lighthearted way to integrate an intervention during stressful moments without the stigma or annoyance that can come with it. JFB stands for Just F’ing Breathe (which I’m sure you guessed).
Starting small is essential. Just like you would train your physical abilities, your brain needs gradual, manageable steps to adapt. It wouldn’t make sense to start weight training by attempting to lift 100 lbs. Instead, we should build strength step by step (I’m currently lifting 10-lb weights—clearly there’s room for improvement!).
You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps.
For instance, rather than jumping straight into “I feel so frustrated; where do I sense that in my body?”—which could feel overwhelming—you can approach understanding the mind-body connection more gradually. Start with something like: “First, I want to learn to notice physical sensations before connecting them to emotions.” It’s helpful to begin with familiar physical feelings. Train your curiosity: “Where do I feel hunger?” or “Where does tiredness manifest in my body?”
From Chaos to Emotional Regulation
From this point, you can build. Think of a happy thought. What does happiness feel like in your body? Then, think of something frustrating (but not traumatic, as you don’t want to deliberately provoke yourself). Be curious again. Try to identify where you feel frustration. This step-by-step method lays a foundation for awareness. By the time you confront emotions directly, it will feel familiar and manageable. You’ll have developed the skills to notice feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
This is precisely why I call it Tactical Brain Training. It shifts the concept of mindfulness away from the stigma of being “emotional” and repositions it as a strategic approach to thinking. The goal isn’t to suppress emotions to finish a task. It’s about establishing a “suck it up container,” allowing you to return to those emotions when things calm down. Recognizing your feelings isn’t just about managing stress; it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the turmoil of work and the tranquility of everyday life.
Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.
Just like mastering a backflip off a diving board, this skill requires practice, patience, and a stepwise approach. And when mistakes happen—as they inevitably will—training allows you to acknowledge feelings without letting them take control. Instead, they can be set aside temporarily, enabling you to focus clearly on the task at hand.
Many of the people I work with are surprised to discover that it can be this straightforward. I’m not saying that traumatic experiences are simple, nor am I implying that starting a mindfulness practice is easy. What I am saying is this:
- Yes, stress and trauma are unavoidable aspects of the job.
- No, you are not broken.
- Yes, it is what it is—and now you understand.
- Yes, you can approach this in a way that resonates with you.
- Now, let’s get started! #JFB